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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or are some Mums turning into Bridezilla when it comes to childrens partys?

95 replies

mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 20:32

It seems to me that Childrens birthday partys are getting bigger and more elaborate every year. Is it the parents trying to out do each other? I think so in some cases.
I was talking to one of the mums at my daughters school and she told me that her daughters birthday was comming up soon. She said she'd booked x entertainer. I asked if that was the same one as another party we went to, of another child in the class. She then said "Oh no, the one I'm having costs twice as much as the one she had".
Is it just me, or do some Mums turn into Bridezillas when it comes to partys?
I thought it was quite rude to say that about someone elses party, and a small child's at that.
I always thought birthdays were about the children having fun, not a war between mums.

OP posts:
MrsMalcolmTucker · 21/01/2010 20:37

Some people do the competitive parenting thing - it's very odd and has nothing at all to do with their children.

TinaSparkles · 21/01/2010 20:39

I think there are some mums that want to do it bigger and better than anyone else.

Was at a party recently for a 4 y.o. with 30 kids. Don't think he knew half of them. Spent the last 15 minutes trying to play and overly elaborate game of find the the farmyard animal, which I was struggling to understand the rules to never mind he 4 y.o. They ended reverting to musical bumps.

How excruciating though for someone to talk about how much more their entertainer was.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 20:42

Oh I know, it was excruciating. It was almost like saying "so you'd better all appreciate it."

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brook1 · 21/01/2010 20:43

You will find this at most schools. But, in December, I had a party for my daughters 7th birthday and didnt really want to spend hundreds on play areas or entertainers. Been there, done that.

So, I had the party in my home (not a huge house) for about 12 of her friends and we did lots of old fashioned games, some daft ones (sucking smarties out of cups with straws) and lots of singing and dancing. And do you know what, lots of them said it was the best party theyd ever been to. Because, its not what theyr used to, it was different, it cost next to nothing and it was fun.

And, because I hadnt spent loads, I treated them all to a little gift instead of the rubbish that goes into party bags and they were all so excited to pick a gift out of the lucky dip box.

Its not about how much you spend, its about how much fun it is. And play areas and entertainers are ten a penny, theyre all the same no matter how much you pay - overpriced rubbish.

EssenceOfJack · 21/01/2010 20:44

I am bucking the trend, DD1 is having a 'traditional' party at home with 3-4 friends (at her request!)
It's crazy

brook1 · 21/01/2010 20:46

Essence, I think the traditional parties may well become the trend again.

piscesmoon · 21/01/2010 20:47

I have come to the conclusion after reading threads on here that they are! Firstly I find that it is too harsh not to have the whole class-whatever happened to a few friends and a teaparty? I now see that having invited the whole class the parents don't expect to leave their DCs and so you have at least 20 adults there too! Therefore you can't host it at home unless you live in a mansion! (I am however not surprised that a DC doesn't want to stay when it isn't a DC they play with or have anything to do with-they are merely in the same class). Apparently the DC will be in tears if they don't get an invitation and then in tears if they have to stay without their parent! They don't seem much fun for anyone!

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 20:50

That's so true brook1. I'm looking forward to the time when parents will drop their children at my house for a traditional party. At the moment, all the parents always stay at partys. I don't have room in my house for all her friends and their parents. Also, I'd feel so much more relaxed without the parents there.

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KERALA1 · 21/01/2010 20:55

Totally agree piscesmoon. In fact went to a lovely 4th birthday the other day. Just 6 little girls with their mums. Organised colouring round the kitchen table, pass the parcel, musical bumps, cake and candles then home before school pick up time. Simple, straightforward - dd was full of it for hours afterwards unlike those enormous church hall bashes with 30 screaming children which she hates (as does surely everyone else) because they are "too noisy".

youwillnotwin · 21/01/2010 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 20:56

Our school is a bit like that too. I'd love to invite 3 or 4 friends for a tea party, but whenever anyone has a party, everyone goes. It is a tiny village school and There are only 10 in the class though at the moment, so I can understand why. They all chat about a party comming up and it would be sad for any children who were left out.
I aked my daughter once who her best friends were in the class, she had a think then listed off everyone in the class including the teacher.

OP posts:
brook1 · 21/01/2010 20:57

Mummyloveslucy - yes, but I did post on here in December for a bit of advice because some of the mums were expecting to stay. I havent got the room for 12 mums in my home either but they were adamant their child wouldnt be left. Well guess what, they were all left and were all fine.

Mums underestimate their children sometimes. Its usually a case of the mums not wanting to leave the child, not the other way round. And the children all behave better and join in with the fun more when their mums/dads arent around. They just get on with it and enjoy.

FlyMeToDunoon · 21/01/2010 20:59

I hate this inviting of the whole class thing. I simply can't afford it and refuse to be blackmailed into it by comparing myself to others.
DD1 [10] had three of her friends to lunch at Pizza Express.Her choice.
DD2 [5] had 10 of her friends round for a traditional party.
Party bags are also getting completely outrageous. They must cost a fortune to supply to 30 odd children.

brook1 · 21/01/2010 21:01

I found that once one person did the "small" party that many followed suit and were relieved that someone else did it first.

No-one wants to be the first one to have a party whereby everyone isnt invited, but all the mums will probably be glad that you've started it. The children will be fine, all you need to do is explain that there will be other parties whereby they are invited instead of others.

tide · 21/01/2010 21:01

agree big parties are a pain, although I have done them.

my prob is finding something to do with myself (and my other kids) in that awkward amount of time a children's party lasts...

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 21:02

I think it's great for children to appreciate the simple things in life and not always want bigger and better than anyone else. (Or is that the parents?)
Also, if they have entertainers, 30 kids, bouncy castle and more for their 5 birthdays, what will they expect for their 18th?

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scottishmummy · 21/01/2010 21:04

your metaphors are all over the place.bridezilla mums at children's parties!

piscesmoon · 21/01/2010 21:04

It seems simple to me. Have a few DCs that the birthday DC likes and plays with. It can be at home on a human scale. There is room for parents to stay and have a chat if they want, but the DC will probably be happy to stay because they are a friend, they know their needs will be met and they aren't put off by a huge crowd in a public place, with worries about the toilet etc. They can watch the birthday DC open their present.
You wouldn't get tears at school because DCs wouldn't make assumptions that they will be invited to a party of a DC they don't really know.
I would save the money, and outside venues, until they are older and more confident to stay on their own and can cope with a crowd. It is also nice at that stage because friendships are far more important to DCs.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 21:07

For her 6th, it will definately be a drop off at our house party with traditional games and birthday tea. I think by 6, the parents would probubly be o.k with leaving them.

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brook1 · 21/01/2010 21:08

I know, I definitely think its all going to change soon, it has to.

I was talking about this with DH last week. We were talking about the fact that at high school in our town (think its the same in lots of places), they have a leavers ball and they all arrive in ballgowns, limos, hair & nails done etc. It gets more extravagant every year. By the time mine are there they will be arriving by helecopter lol.

Anyway, last summer, on the last day of term at my DCs primary school there were about 3 limos pulled up to take the leavers out for a ride on their last day. It was a surprise that was booked and paid for by the mums. I thought it was horrible, tacky and leading to god knows where. I mean, how do you make 18th and 21st special when things are so extravagant at early ages?

pagwatch · 21/01/2010 21:09

I have big parties for DD. I have them at home. I invite the whole class.
Ihave an entertainer because I have DS2 to tend to as well and if he wants to try and join in I want to be able to help him.

The entertainer is always one DD wants ( Harry Potter/magic party last year) and the children always seem to have a blast.
I rarely have parents stay too - they can if they want, and I provide a jug of something and some sandwiches but I don't fluff around them.

I never had a party growing up. I love parties. I do it because I want to, because my DCs love it and so do their friends. One day soon she will not want one any more and that will be fine - just like DS1 grew out of them - until he hit 16 and now we have a whole different style of party

It isn't a competition. I want the kids to have fun and I absoloutely know that my DD has just as mucgfun at her griends parties whetherthey are at a hall, atthe cinema, a few friends for tea, a picnic, a sleepover or a football party.

But I don't see why I should change what I do with good intent for fear of being sneered at as a bridzilla.
The mums at DDs school mostly just seem grateful ( as I always am ) that they get an afternoons to chill or go shopping whatever the type of party

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 21:10

Thanks scottishmummy.

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Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 21:10

Thanks scottishmummy.

OP posts:
skinsl · 21/01/2010 21:15

pagwatch, i'm with you. I love parties and love doing them for DS, he's only had 2. I don't ever want to see it as a competition though, just want the kids to have a nice time, however many there are.
But yes MLL, it can be very Bridezilla.. more about the parents than the kids

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 21/01/2010 21:17

Pagwatch, I know you're not. I think you're great! It's not the same as inviting all the parents (and teachers) is some cases and then bosting about how much better yours was to anyone elses. That's what makes me go..

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