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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be very shocked only 3% of unmarried parents stay together until child is 16!

671 replies

littlemoominmamma · 21/01/2010 08:02

3% is nothing!!! It is soooo sad. 1 out of every 3 couples have seperated before the child is 5yrs old

I am now glad that the tories are going to give married couples help.

OP posts:
Tamarto · 22/01/2010 09:47

posts not threads*

fembear · 22/01/2010 09:48

Trawling my way through this thread and found this on page 10. "Seriously, if a marriage/relationship is great, why would you need to pay the woman to stay in it"

How about if we change that sentence to "Seriously, if parenthood is great, why would you need to pay Child Benefit" There, I've cut a huge chunk of public spending.

Perhaps these things are a 'reward' for behaving in a manner that follows the social norm - that creates social cohesion and stability. Why is that a bad thing?

LucyEllensmadmummy · 22/01/2010 09:56

sorry marantha, that wasn't aimed at you at all - and it wasn't sarcastic, i just worded it appallingly, and my fingers seemed to type something completely different to what i was thinking

but i was bored of this thread yesterday, which begs the question, why are we still here

fembear · 22/01/2010 09:58

"People who say everyone should get married are effectively saying that women should put up with a lot of shit in order to adhere to outdated social construct."

Er, no. If your man is a good 'un, marry him. If he's not, then get rid. Nobody is forcing women into shit relationships.

marantha · 22/01/2010 10:03

I guess I am sick of the "marriage means a person loves you" crowd and, oppositely, "cohabitees should have rights" crowd.

When it comes down to it, marriage IS a legal thing a person can CHOOSE to do if they wish to be tied legally to somebody in terms of inheritance etc.

If a person wishes to do it,fine. If they don't, also fine- but don't expect to have the same rights if they are not.

Marriage does not have to have a religious element, nor are those in love always married and vice versa. These things are red herrings.

fembear · 22/01/2010 10:18

"Maybe its my final rebellion lol not being married, adds a bit of spice."

And there we have it. So not getting married is a peurile bit of rebellion.
Has anyone noticed how many people have mentioned that perhaps the figures are skewed because many of the not-marrieds turn into marrieds. Perhaps they grow up.

fembear · 22/01/2010 10:20

"If a person wishes to do it,fine. If they don't, also fine- but don't expect to have the same rights if they are not."

Totally agree.

nappyaddict · 22/01/2010 10:25

Only read the first few messages so forgive me if this has already been said but it seems to me that it might make people stay married just for the sake of a few extra quid meaning there are some very unhappy children around

upandrunning · 22/01/2010 10:28

it makes perfect sense but you can pretend otherwise if you like

fembear well QUITE

blueshoes · 22/01/2010 10:30

£100 odd is not a lot if you consider the legal protection it gives a woman who is financially dependent on her partner.

If you had to find the money you would. If you needed it to repair a broken boiler, you would. If you wanted to get a new passport, you would. It is question of priorities.

Tbh, anyone who has given up her job to raise a family long term who baulks at finding £100 odd to buy legal protection for herself and her dcs is penny-wise and pound foolish. It is a bargain.

Swedey · 22/01/2010 10:31

£115 snot much is it? It's not compulsory to change your name or even call yourself mrs. And you don't have to wear a ring.

marantha · 22/01/2010 10:44

Tarmato Are you a fan of the band Yes?

lovelycoffee · 22/01/2010 10:45

Fembear"Maybe its my final rebellion lol not being married, adds a bit of spice."

And there we have it. So not getting married is a peurile bit of rebellion.
Has anyone noticed how many people have mentioned that perhaps the figures are skewed because many of the not-marrieds turn into marrieds. Perhaps they grow up.

I'm sure I am not alone in finding your post quite stomach turningly judgemental

Speak for your self but not others. how on earth would you know what motivates people to get married or not?

marantha · 22/01/2010 10:46

I'm sick of marriage, let's talk about prog rock. Any King Crimson fans here?

lovelycoffee · 22/01/2010 10:47

Those first two para should be a quote just in case anyone mistakes them for my words!!

slightlystressed · 22/01/2010 10:47

The thing is its not just a case of spending £100 to protect yourself. Getting married is associated with a wedding, be it big or small, I hate the thought of having a wedding...all that attention on me - yuk...

Obviously we dont have to have a wedding, just go down the registry office and do it - fair enough - but for alot of people its not that easy because we have parents, family and friends who will all be put out that we did it that way, the contstantly having to explain myself on the whys and wherefores of not having a wedding.

I know we would get ALOT of grief from DPs side of family.

lovelycoffee · 22/01/2010 10:50

Marantha I actually laughed at your post then which is a first!

Swedey · 22/01/2010 11:02

Slightlystressed - nor is it compulsory to tell everyone.

I

fembear · 22/01/2010 11:02

Sorry lovelycoffee, was my post not sugar-coated enough for you (is this where I make some jibe about netmums and tickers?)
How else do you explain the fact that many couples, as they get older and wiser, decide that actually marriage is the preferable way?

LucyEllensmadmummy · 22/01/2010 11:11

fembear those were MY words - purile? probably, um, it was a JOKE!!!

this thread is mental - wanders off shaking heads wondering why people even care about this.

The legal side of things have made DP and I consider marriage to be fair, maybe one day - who knows

but, its MY business - thankyou to those pointing out the legal ramifications, very practical, everyone else can feck off (oh and fembear - thats a JOKE too )

MattSmithIsNotMyLoveSlave · 22/01/2010 11:15

Because they start to think more about getting old, dying, inheritance tax and being in hospital long-term?

I suppose that could be described as "growing up", but "grow up" is generally used in a more general sense.

LucyEllensmadmummy · 22/01/2010 11:16

oh, it was lovelycoffee who misquoted - arrrghhhhhhhhhhhh see, mentalness has taken over.

Yeah you're right, maybe they do grow up?? lmao, im 39 and DP is 45!!!! Weve not grown up yet? Shit, i better hurry up because soon i will have to behave childishly to keep my youth, do thins like wear purple.

Another theory could be, is as you get closer to God's waiting room, you want to tie up loose ends?

Now, im off to play with my barbie dolls - who incidentally i would cut off all their hair and paint their lips blue when i was wee, i told my mum they had plague i never fell for all that princess bride mahooey - DD1 didnt either - she lives in sin too im such a bad example to my children, and DD2, well she is 4 and loves to be snow white/ cinderella / belle - now she is destined to marry a rich husband and make home! lololol i have to laugh at myself, this thread has made me hysterical

LucyEllensmadmummy · 22/01/2010 11:17

Mattsmith - great minds

LucyEllensmadmummy · 22/01/2010 11:19

maybe people get married when they are older because they are better off? Can actually afford to get married? I mean, when you are starting out, spending thousands on a big wedding is a bit daft, however, you can have the big wedding later??

Lots of reasons

Maybe a couple are having problems, think getting married will solve them?

maybe they fancy a party?

LucyEllensmadmummy · 22/01/2010 11:20

marantha, ive never heard of king crimson - i have always associated prog rock with jethro tull and silly hats