To be put off by this?

[hmmemoticon]

I have been seeing someone for three months. I have known him for quite a few years though.

He is lovely and generous and thoughtful but I get a feeling that he is "acting" this way if you know what I mean?

I can't quite put my finger on it. I have fun with him and we get on quite well when together.

However he can be quite scathing of people he perceives to be lower than him, taxi drivers etc.

Also when I am telling him serious stuff or we are having some kind of discussion he will always make silly jokes or comments and it really pisses me off.

Also seems quite moody, am I right in thinking that moodiness should't really figure this early on in a relationship.

He was really full on right from the beginning and already talks about a future together and the expensive things he will buy me in the future. I am a single Mum and clearly don't have much cash. He has not met dc and I have no plans to introduce them.

I have been out of the game for so long and was in an abusive relationship before that I worry I am seeing things that aren't there and being too picky.

It just doesn't feel quite right but there is nothing concrete. I need MN judgement here in AIBU as I know I will have honesty here.

Ok, I was quite polite before. Now I'm absolutely sure you should RUN FOR THE HILLS.

Too many dodgy comments and complete lack of respect for you. He's not nice at all. You deserve way better.

lol thesecondcoming EXACTLY!

Yes am getting rid, don't worry.

dignified how have I not come across your posts before, have been on here ages but name changed for this. God he sounds AWFUL!

I'm sure you've had lots of good advice on this thread already but I just wanted to add that you shouldn't let the fact that you've known him a few years cloud your judgement.

I had a relationship with someone I'd known for years as a friend and it was really fun to begin with. However it soon became suffocating and when I tried to end it he threatened suicide, harrassed my friends and family and needed a warning from the police to finally leave me alone. I had thought that I knew him well but I really had had no idea what was going on in his head when I started the relationship.

If it feels wrong then it probably is.

Have namechanged as i initially started out as " hurtandupset " and other sad woe is me names.Should really be Gotridoffatbloke or smellfartsnomore.

Op, i am so pleased to hear you getting shot, you sound so nice and i bet your loveley and can do much better than this nob.And dont feel bad, well done and well spotted.I did exactly the same , started seeing someone id known for years , nothing happened but he had all the warning signs of a potential abuser.

First thing i noticed is that he pointed out i had a spot and i was a bit wtf? Then he initiated something then didnt persue it claiming it was best to "save " it so it doesnt get boring !?
Finally there was comment he made on the phone while we were planning a " date " at mine and he actually said to me " Are you going to cook me a roast chicken?" Kiss my arse and fuck off !
And that was that, although in hindsight i can see why he was single ! Still is by the way.

What a cheeky twat saying this stuff to you and saying stupid stuff about you sexually.Maybe he,ll have to walk around with a shitty stick to keep all the women away !

Anyway, am so glad your giving him the boot but now for the fun part,, hes been shit to you and criticized you and made you feel horrible,, so what about him?
Does he stink? Does he have a small nob? Does he have a stupid sex face or leave skidders in his pants? Ballscratcher or other unpleasant habits?
Whatever it is he does, focus on it and have a good laugh and give yourself a pat on the back for seeing him for who he is.
Ps a nickname often helps too !.

Will cut to the chase,...bin him! For all of the above reasons!

Sorry , only just realised the blowjob bit, bet he didnt complain when you were doing it though ! Tosser.
You shouldve said you did it cos you were bored lol .
Just remembered that guy i was seeing commented about a few crumbs of toast , you know what i mean, that everyone gets around their margerine tub, and refused a sandwhich on that basis. Aparently he was a clean freak,, umm no, ive seen your filthy stinky house remember you scruffy twat !

have just read this thread

OP, you have had good advice, I have you follow up on it

but what I really wanted to say is, dignified, you really need to stick around the threads where blokes are being nobs...you are priceless and would bring a smile even to the saddest person

Dignified I am not actually feeling hurt by him or anything, he is small fry compared to my horrifically abusive ex.

I have to say though that the BJ thing was a bit of a turning point, he was wonderfully lovely and respectful and then gradually he started to become just a little bit less respectful and not quite so attentive. It is a good thing my radar is up for this kind of thing thanks to MN.

Actually was thinking about posting on how to dump this doughnut without it being a big deal. I am not great at finishing things, I tend to try to go down the route of reducing contact until things just dwindle away. I am supposed to see him tommorrow, not going to though but just can't stand having the conversation about this kind of thing.

Hehe do what i did. I ignored the arsehole for 2 weeks until he sent a rather serious email " Dear dignified, i have spent hours agonising how to say this, but i have noticed a, b , and c ( crumbs in the margarine ) about you and am not sure it is wise to persue it , ( lots of hidden insults )blah blah ".

MY response was " Hi there!. No problem, do stay in touch, cheers xxx ". I didnt say get some fucker else to cook you a roast chicken you greedy twat but felt like it !

Be busy op,going out, kid not well, paperwork to sort out , parents staying , ill,ect if you cant stand the confrontation. Expect to be officially dumped by him though via email or text.

Theres loads of blokes out there whod give their right arm to spend time with you, you sound like a loveley person and deserve better.Fuck him !

Well on about the third time we had sex we did something (don't worry not going to give TMI) and afterwards he was all quiet with me and later said that he was a bit concerned that I would do something like that and he was not sure he would want to get serious with someone who did that. It was nothing weird I assure you but I felt very judged and it made me very self conscious.

oh my goodness, this is so controlling isn't it and really manipulative. I really hope you remove yourself from this situation, all my instincts tell me that this is potentially disasterous situation.

Just skim read but even your first post sets off alarm bells
Im surprised no one has posted this yet - it often appears on the relationship pages and has a very good list of warning signs of controlling and damaging behaviours

dating a loser

Please disengage before he sucks you in and really starts to devalue you

Dignified are you joking? Please tell me he did not bring up crumbs in the marge as a reason to not be with you.

Well I cancelled date (by text ) with a flimsy excuse. He has not texted or rang back, maybe I was already failing to live up to expectations any way. Now I am just waiting for my official "your dumped" email!

Have seen that Your Dating a Loser article before, my ex husband actually ticked every single box........in hindsight. New bloke not quite as full on but certainly a few similarities, maybe just not with him for long enough.

hmm, why are you waiting for him to dump you

get in there first, woman !

tarty, I have to know what you did

AF, she was quoting one of my posts a bit further back.

I gave him a...............Blow Job!

Also I am dumping him but by the path of least resistance .

I wish i was joking, but yes he did the cheeky twat!
Im still a bit at the roast chicken shit, particularly as he openly whinged that sometimes he cant afford to eat ( was off work due to serious accidant ).
No problem then, just come to my house and ill stuff your fat greedy face with roast chickens, hell, ill even get a couple of maidens to dance round you while you gorge and point out ive got a spot !

I only met two men in my life that didn't like a blow job - they were both bad 'uns.

the lack of blow job enjoyment smacks of madonna/whore complex

i like it but i feel bad i like it you are bad for making me feel like this and so on.....

Oh he liked it alright, constant requests for them afterwards, just didn't like me instigating it. Actually thinking about it I have never been with a man before who didn't like it or the fact that I instigated it. Just him. He actually said "I would have a problem being serious with someone who would do it like that, you just don't expect it froms someone you want to be your girlfriend". I should have just said "well I have never had any complaints before, See YA!"

"No problem then, just come to my house and ill stuff your fat greedy face with roast chickens, hell, ill even get a couple of maidens to dance round you while you gorge and point out ive got a spot !" PMSL . You have really made me chortle on this thread dignified.

hmmemoticon - you dirty ho...... instigating a blow job... really i am disgusted.

Maybe I have met two because I am more of a tart than you??? both of the blokes concerned were actually really controlling people. It is like a litmus test for me now......

I am so pleased you can see the wood for the trees with this - he's such a bad egg and you sound like a top girl.

I too think that any bloke who has a problem with receiving BJ's has a problem

from what I understand it feels fucking fantastic for them...so to make a song'n'dance about not liking it...red flag

I am sure some PC person will come along and say "it is OK, not everyone loves everything, you are being judgemental"...but I don't buy it

Imo you can spot a wanker with this instigating thing.Its really not ok to expect sex, you can only have it when they say so and only on their terms.They reinforce this by being tired when you clearly want to or starting it then just stopping while your pants are half down.
I still smile with this " lets save it " thing. Why? will it go off or are you just warning me before hand that your so boring im going to get sick of doing it ? Fucking idiots.

And am i the only one who finds it creepy and offputting to keep being mithered for a blowjob?
I wouldnt dream of constantly harping on about " are you going to lick my fanny?"

Op the constant requests for bjs after being cool with you, you shouldve replied " id rather not, your arsehole stinks ".

dignified - remind me not to refuse a blowjob from you..... lol

and no, I am not going to lick your fanny, stop keeping on about it......

I don't mind being asked

but I reserve the right to say "fuck off"

"And am i the only one who finds it creepy and offputting to keep being mithered for a blowjob?
I wouldnt dream of constantly harping on about " are you going to lick my fanny?""

Reversing the situation brings it all into persepective really.

Ie, imagine a woman in bed with a man he goes down on her, does the business and does it WELL. She turns over and starts giving him the silent treatment, when asked whats wrong, she says petulantly "well you have obviously done THAT before and I am not sure I can get serious about someone who is so good at doing that, you have obviously had A LOT of practice!". I think she would quite rightly see an man shaped hole in the door and be dismissed as a complete "nutter".

I think the idea of the "blowjob litmus test" is something we should consider and perhaps pass the knowledge around to our mates. It might prevent a few of these abusive relationships.