To be put off by this?

[hmmemoticon]

I have been seeing someone for three months. I have known him for quite a few years though.

He is lovely and generous and thoughtful but I get a feeling that he is "acting" this way if you know what I mean?

I can't quite put my finger on it. I have fun with him and we get on quite well when together.

However he can be quite scathing of people he perceives to be lower than him, taxi drivers etc.

Also when I am telling him serious stuff or we are having some kind of discussion he will always make silly jokes or comments and it really pisses me off.

Also seems quite moody, am I right in thinking that moodiness should't really figure this early on in a relationship.

He was really full on right from the beginning and already talks about a future together and the expensive things he will buy me in the future. I am a single Mum and clearly don't have much cash. He has not met dc and I have no plans to introduce them.

I have been out of the game for so long and was in an abusive relationship before that I worry I am seeing things that aren't there and being too picky.

It just doesn't feel quite right but there is nothing concrete. I need MN judgement here in AIBU as I know I will have honesty here.

I would also like to say about no offers and dating and all that. I too am a lady of a certain age and have been right here with all the single Mum stuff and now I have a wonderful partner and expecting our second baby (my 4th) and am happier than I ever could have imagined - If you had asked me three years ago I would have said that this NEVER could have happened to me.

You should be able to smile when thinking about them when they are not around as well as when you are with them.

If you are uncomfortable, trust your instincts and step away.

He's cut himself off from a child . There could be circumstances to explain this, but more likely there aren't.

Run away!

Alarm bells ringing here too. If you havent yet got the message - RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

Btw, my dh is used to be a taxi driver and would like to meet him. Bet as a taxi driver he earned more than him too!

3 years into our relationship, my ex discovered he had a 5 year old child from a previous relationship. He decided it would be best not to get involved. There was no abuse or anything but I lost every bit of respect for him and it wasn't long before we split up. I don't understand how someone can distance themself from their child.

Ex didn't tell his next gf about said child. She was gobsmacked when I mentioned it in passing.

So back to your date - whether or not he may or may not be an abusive man, one thing you do know is that he doesn't see his child. That in itself would be enough for me to ditch him.

If it doesn't feel right, get rid.

You are clearly an intelligent and thoughtful person and can do much better than him. TBH I would MUCH rather be by myself than with someone like him.

Trust your instincts.
Alarm bells would be ringing for me.

My best mate's a taxi driver (she's a black cab driver!) and her grandfather is a Lord so you should tell him to get over himself and his stupid assumptions!

He sounds like a nobhead and has all the warning signs of a potential abuser from what i can see. He was full on from the beginning, hes GOING to buy you all these fab things, hes rude to people he thinks hes superoir too, he makes stupid comments that piss you off when your trying to talk, hes moody (wtf) and he doesnt see his child.
Maybe hes not allowed to?

Bet it wont be long before he displays a schoolboy mentality to sex or starts yelling at you and telling you how shit you are.Does he work?

You dont need a " reason " to get shot, ie you dont have to wait till he actually abuses you in some way, you can just say its too soon, not for you ,whatever.Actually he probably is abusing you already be being " moody ".
I was married to an abusive ex, got rid, was single for years, met someone fab or so i thought. Realised within months id made a mistake and although he never did anything, he was always pleasant but i knew , that he had that something about him and got shot.
Well done for spotting it !

Thanks for all your replies.

He does work yes, is actually very highly achieving.

Yes, the not seeing his child thing does really bother me, after all I have dc of my own, if it were to develop what would his attitude be towards mine when he for whatever reason does not see his own?

I can't imagine him being a "shouter", in the few disagreements we have had though he likes to "discuss" it and the discussion doesn't really end until I admit I am in the wrong or he is in a sulk, which he calls "feeling bad" and he tells me he can't just snap out of it when he feels like that.

I do worry that I am just searching for signs of an abusive nature where there isn't really any because I am hypersensitive to this kind of thing due to my past experiences. I would like to say though that I have known him for a long time previous to starting a relationship with him so that might have some bearing on how familiar or "himself" he feels he can be with me.

On reading all your responses though I don't think I am on this occasion.

He sounds like a charmer

He does not see his own child.
He is moody.
He is mean to people he considers beneath him.
He doesn't take you seriously.

Looking at that little list it doesn't feel right for a reason.

Get out now and save yourself and your DC future pain.

Just dump him now. In 3 years time the sulks will not be a couple of hours but a couple of days.

I think you may be right, he told me that he and his ex P did not used to speak for days at a time . I have never been able to keep this kind of thing up no matter how pissed off I am.

Sounds like he is chipping away at your confidence. Don't doubt your instincts, especially since children are involved.

He has let slip enough facts about himself to let you rightly form a conclusion that he is not genuine.

' he likes to "discuss" it and the discussion doesn't really end until I admit I am in the wrong or he is in a sulk, which he calls "feeling bad" and he tells me he can't just snap out of it when he feels like that.'

This isn't a discussion! I would end it now if he can be like that in the 'early days'.

From what you've said he sounds like an arsehole !

On top of everything else he bullies you into admitting you were wrong when your not and sulks at you like a child!
And after just three months !
They,ll be other signs too, perhaps hes on best behaviour for now, but id expect to see bad driving, debt, juvenile attitude towards sex and a general sense of entitlement soon if you dont give him the boot.Bet he talks about himself all the time too and whines on about how much he loves you and paws you.

Sounds like hes already engaging in emotional abuse by sulking at you and " discussing " things until you back down, what a prick.
Please dont waste any more time on this idiot op, this will only get worse.
As for offers arent flowing, i read something interesting about this, that normal men dont get in your face and declare love within a few days, they want to get to know you , youve probably had nice men interested in you but because its not this sort of in your face you might have took it for just politeness.Anyway, bet your stunning and hes an overweight balding old fart who doesnt deserve you !

I feel like taking the piss re these abusive arseholes so im going to. After i kicked my ex out i was a mess, years of abuse had took their toll and i sought counselling.During one session counseller asked me to reflect on some of my concerns from when we first met and why i overlooked them.

I was quite upset and inbetween sniffs relayed how my first concerns were gross personal habits , he would pick his nose and flick his crows quite openly, how he always had a sore arsehole and would bend over and spread his bum to ask " is it red?".The best is that he would always do horrible stinky farts and then run to the bathroom clutching his bottom with both hands like a toddler afraid he had done a shart.

I noticed counseller had gone quiet so glanced up inbetween sniffs to find her shoulders shaking as she was laughing so hard !
I ended up laughing too, what an icebreaker !

Two people have mentioned a schoolboy attitude towards sex now, can you explain what you mean because I think that may have already happened .

Re sex, mine was horrendous like this but of course it escalated over the years. Basicly he was too enthusiastic, but not in a nice way, no foreplay, lets just do it sort of thing. A hug meant grind your hard on into me despite the fact im clearly upset or just not in the mood,, he thought any physical contact meant sex and would grope me constantly.Crude comments if i bent over ect, bit like a 15 year old boy would.

Also crude comments, pointing out perceived faults ie " you shouldve seen your arse wobbling before " while chuckling to himself.Mine got over excited and would perv on me while i got undressed which was creepy and make noises like i was a peiece of meat.IF he got me off , which was a rarity cos he was crap at it hed go on about it for days and be dead smug with himself lol.
The biggest clue was he wouldnt be corrected, theres certain things i dont like or i dont like being touched a certain way, i would move his hands away gently yet he would do it again immediateley.When challenged he would SULK and claim i was criticizing him.

Basicly he would pester me for sex and was quite happy to do it despite the fact i didnt want to. Oh yes he would subtly criticize me too or make it clear he would like me to be a certain way .Dickead.I wouldve liked for him to lose 3 stone, have a bigger cock and be able to perform for more than 10 seconds but id never say so !
Joke is hes crap in bed, has severe premature ejeculation and has been known to come in his pants!

The other thing there good at is starting it then claiming there tired or something.
Not sure what yours has done op, but for me there was a general sense of being disrespected , hard to explain.Stupid jokes about sex, women in general ect.
I hadnt had many previous partners when id met him and was very young so really wasnt sure what was normal, thats my excuse for ending up married to benny hill !

Watch out too for ridiculous jokey statements that have no basis, ie " your not very good at cooking / driving / organising/ housekeeping ect are you ", mine did this a lot and there was really no basis to it.But of course im just too sensitive and cant take a joke !

Well on about the third time we had sex we did something (don't worry not going to give TMI) and afterwards he was all quiet with me and later said that he was a bit concerned that I would do something like that and he was not sure he would want to get serious with someone who did that. It was nothing weird I assure you but I felt very judged and it made me very self conscious. Also a couple of times he has said he didn't want to have sex too much with me in case "we get bored of it", when it is clear that I was quite keen.

He has also criticised an aspect of my appearance and told me he would pay for me to get it sorted out . He brought it up a number of times as well. It is not something anyone else has ever noticed or felt the need to comment on either. I actually cried in the end and asked him to stop going on about it as he was making me feel really self conscious.

Thank goodness I have MN to sound this stuff out on as I think I was in danger of jumping feet first into another rubbish relationship.

Op- you're gonna get rid aren't you? Say you are, please!!!! He's awful. awful

Dignified- I did like 'flicking crows' and 'shart', never heard those before. He sounds like a right charmbucket.

Agree with all the others,get out now!!
If he's like this now what will he be like in a couple of years time

he sounds really awful. I do hope you get rid!

I've read this thread through and agree this man sounds awful. There are several red flag behaviours you've mentioned here - being rude to people he considers 'beneath' him, sulking, criticsing your appearance - those are just off the top of my head.

Basically I agree with those who say get rid!

BTW Dignified I love your comments, you always make me smile with your stories of your awful ex.