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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to start taking oral contraception?

81 replies

RunSpotRun · 19/01/2010 14:57

Been living with DP for just over a year now. At first, I started taking the pill (loestrin) and I rapidly gained a stone in weight. I stopped taking it and even months later, I couldn't shift that stone. I'd tried all sorts of diets, nothing worked. I was becomming so fed up, none of my clothes fitted, I felt frumpy and flabby and I couldn't even enjoy my sport properly because I just felt too heavy.

However, for the past month or so I have tried a new approach to dieting (eating regularly but in very small portions) and FINALLY the weight is starting to creep back down.

Since I stopped taking the pill, we've been using condoms but now DP is saying he hates them and he wants me to try the depo injection. After much worry and anxiety, I reluctantly agreed to try it and he's been counting the days ever since.

However, after a chat with the nurse, I'm convinced I will put weight on again. The nurse actually said its likely.

I'm torn between trying to keep him happy and thinking "fuck it, its my body and I don't want to put anymore weight on so I'm not taking it".

He will go off on one completely if I tell him I'm not even going to try it but I'm so scared of putting weight on again.

AIBU to refuse having it done?

I simpy CANNOT risk getting pregnant as it would have to end it abortion so anything less reliable is a definate no.

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 19/01/2010 18:26

Hear hear Morloth.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 19/01/2010 18:30

lol morloth, me too!

what a nobber.

depo gifted me 3 stone the fucker.

Grandhighpoohba · 19/01/2010 19:20

I put on several stone, developed spotty skin, and became really quite mentally ill with the depo. Don't use it! Unlike the pill, once it is in, you are stuck with the side effects for at least three months, if not longer. To be honest. it nearly ended my relationship with DH.

lucyellensmumagain · 19/01/2010 19:46

if he feels so strongly about not using condoms then its off to the snip clinic for him!!

Thats the bottom line isn't it - for a while my DP and i used condoms but to be fair, we both hated them and ended up using withdrawal - um, one DD later and i have a mirena coil - they are not supposed to induce weight gain - um, try four stone!!

Please do NOT have the injection, if you have it and it doesnt suit you, its not like you can stop.

What about a plain and simple copper coil?

Otherwise, he is going to have to have the snip

lucyellensmumagain · 19/01/2010 19:51

oh right, ive just read that he will "go off on one" and "give you the silent treatment" if you dont have the injection.

tell him to go off on one - straight off out of one of your doors, and to come back when he is not acting like a , sorry ladies, cunt

AnyFucker · 19/01/2010 19:56

you are not wrong lem

beaker25 · 19/01/2010 20:43

I'll add to those recommending against the depo injection, it sent me absolutely crazy. I really thought I was having a nervous breakdown, it didn't occur to me that the injection could have casued it until after I'd come off it.

I'd also agree with others saying it's wrong of your dp to try and bully you into this. Filling your body up with hormones that will affect you for six months is a big deal, and it should be your choice! I bet he wouldn't be so quick to get six months worth of hormone injections if the situation was reversed!

YoMoJo · 20/01/2010 17:06

lol morloth!

Regardless of whether or not dp is BU its your choice.

I mentioned earlier i used to take yasmin with no side effects, well i just came across this

which pill is best for me

YoMoJo · 20/01/2010 17:13

ok wrong link but that one will donate 50p to Haiti disaster fund if you register for (useful) email.

try this one

WingedVictory · 20/01/2010 17:58

Is the reason you want foolproof contraception that you are not certain you want to commit to DP?

expatinscotland · 20/01/2010 18:06

'Is the reason you want foolproof contraception that you are not certain you want to commit to DP?'

Because who'd want to commit to such a twonk.

WingedVictory · 21/01/2010 22:09

Oh, dear expat, did wse slay this?

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 21/01/2010 23:25

I went off hormonal contraception in early 2003 and we used condoms from then on. No pregnancy scares although when we stopped using them we conceived our daughter first time. Now we're back on condoms and will be until we want another child.

I don't do hormonal contraception any more. It's part of the deal. This is not something it would've occurred to my husband to complain about, since it's my body and all.

YANBU. Even if there were no health concerns, YANBU.

tigger15 · 21/01/2010 23:39

YANBU

As many have said already if he doesn't like it he can get the snip.

The only pill which ever suited me was cerazette and only when breastfeeding otherwise I bled every other day.
Microgynon made me gain weight and have all the delightful side effects of a bad pg minus the baby. Loestrin and yasmin removed libido so no real point using it.

I had a coil but it gave me really awful pains to the extent that they gave me an ultrasound to check nothing else had gone wrong with it.

Last method I used was the diaphragm which isn't so bad once you get the hang of it but takes longer to put in than a condom.

Also as has already been said who on earth does he think he is? It's your body, your life and who is he to dictate this to you? A partnership is about thinking of others not making their life a misery.

Celibacy is a great contraceptive.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/01/2010 23:46

Goodness, you really need to get rid of this selfish tosser and find someone worthy of your time and fabness as he is clearly not. He can't respect you if he expects you to put chemicals in your body, it is your body so it's your choice.

moaningminniewhingesagain · 21/01/2010 23:50

I wouldn't touch Depo if you paid me. I don't trust condoms at all, would want something else as a back up as I always worry they will fall off or split.

I am using a Mirena coil, fab, no weight gain. Have also used Microgynon pill for years, fab too.

But it sounds like DP is the problem rather than your contraception.

If I didn't want to take hormonal contraception- I wouldn't, just to keep a man happy. Mind you, I wouldn't really want to have sex with him either if he's so arrogant to think he can dictate to you.

RedLeaves · 22/01/2010 00:49

I agree with the general consensus here but wondered if the OP's DP might just be ignorant about these matters. We don't know how old he is or anything - maybe he's just heard from one of his friends that there's this wonder injection that women can get. Maybe he doesn't know about any side effects.

Just a thought. Then again, he may just be the bully that we suspected he was. Good luck OP. Tell us what happens!

AnAuntieNotAMum · 22/01/2010 01:11

YANBU - why the hell should you mess with your body? It's hard that people (esp men) get used to lots of spontaneous sex with the pill, often in early relationships too as the pill is so easily given to young girls, but when you grow up and don't want to pump hormones into yourself anymore, people just have to get unused to it.

I'm an advocate for the cap too. Why did caps go out of fashion? Mine is very reliable. I remember having to battle for it with the dr though who, 25 years ago, wanted to keep me on the pill thinking a silly young 20 yr old wouldn't use a cap properly. I'm bloody glad I came off the pill and started using a cap because back then they didn't know that HPV virus could cause cervical cancer and protecting the cervix from sperm is therefore a very good thing.

I was told that not everyone is a good shape inside for the cap but I was. It has to be fitted properly, suppose there is a lack of good people to do that now if they are under-used.

Dominique07 · 22/01/2010 01:45

Is the diaphragm really a good option?
I'd quite like to come off the pill because weight gain is a major issue...
But I do find the ring of the condom rubs somehow

Wolliw · 22/01/2010 06:40

YANBU
It's quite simple really. If he doesn't like condoms and you don't like other forms of contraception, then he needs to get down the GP and ask for a vascetomy.

Have you thought about using a diaphragm?

Morloth · 22/01/2010 08:05

No, I don't think ignorance is an excuse.

Ignorance is asking her to use hormonal contraception (which is fine) and then on being told that it doesn't suit her saying "Oh OK, I didn't know that, we will need to sort out something else then" and thus being slightly less ignorant.

"Going off on one" is being a dickhead who shouldn't let the door hit him in the arse on the way out.

troublewithtalk · 22/01/2010 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anastaisia · 22/01/2010 11:29

If you chart using the sypmto-thermal method the chance of becoming pregnant in the post ovulation infertile phase is nearly absolute 0 (equal to or less than the chance of other contraception methods failing). You do have to be strict about not having unprotected sex before the right readings/symptoms though.

Could you compromise and use condoms for the rest of the cycle (when the chances of accidental pregnancy is greater) with a holiday from them then?

YANBU if you don't want to use hormonal contraception - its your body to make the choice about so it's your choice.

WingedVictory · 22/01/2010 14:09

I have friends who used the rhythm method at a time when the woman was just about to start a new job and the man was, IIRC, insecurely employed (temping). Oops! Got it wrong (they didn't check what they were told by a friend about this method), and ended up with a baby coming along, embarrassment with new employers (they were ok, thankfully), etc. I was a bit shocked at them, and when birth control methods (including rhythm method) were brought up at antenatal classes (to avoid another pregnancy when child is small). Hello? My antenatal class leader said people got used to spontaneity, so forgot about condoms, but personally, I'm a lady of the Malthusian drill (A Brave New World): it's quite automatic, almost Pavlovian!

anastaisia · 22/01/2010 16:26

Billings method and sympto-thermal methods of charting to avoid conception or achieve a pregnancy aren't the same thing as rythm method which is a simple calculation that makes assumptions about the length of the different parts of a woman's cycle based on averages.

Also - just starting to use it as contraception because a friend said so without checking the information out? Not a method failure but a user error. That's like blaming the pill failure rate on women who miss days out or condom failures on people who don't know how to put them on properly. If they were included in the figures the failure rates would be much much higher.

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