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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to start taking oral contraception?

81 replies

RunSpotRun · 19/01/2010 14:57

Been living with DP for just over a year now. At first, I started taking the pill (loestrin) and I rapidly gained a stone in weight. I stopped taking it and even months later, I couldn't shift that stone. I'd tried all sorts of diets, nothing worked. I was becomming so fed up, none of my clothes fitted, I felt frumpy and flabby and I couldn't even enjoy my sport properly because I just felt too heavy.

However, for the past month or so I have tried a new approach to dieting (eating regularly but in very small portions) and FINALLY the weight is starting to creep back down.

Since I stopped taking the pill, we've been using condoms but now DP is saying he hates them and he wants me to try the depo injection. After much worry and anxiety, I reluctantly agreed to try it and he's been counting the days ever since.

However, after a chat with the nurse, I'm convinced I will put weight on again. The nurse actually said its likely.

I'm torn between trying to keep him happy and thinking "fuck it, its my body and I don't want to put anymore weight on so I'm not taking it".

He will go off on one completely if I tell him I'm not even going to try it but I'm so scared of putting weight on again.

AIBU to refuse having it done?

I simpy CANNOT risk getting pregnant as it would have to end it abortion so anything less reliable is a definate no.

OP posts:
BrahmsThirdRacket · 19/01/2010 15:18

I found it easier to not be scared once I'd read a bit about it. I'm really glad now that I did it, but of course if the idea icks you out then don't do it. The issue isn't so much the contraception as his attitude.

Cyclops · 19/01/2010 15:22

YANBU.

I hate taking drugs/tablets full stop.

So, my solution pre-ttc days was to use a cap. Worked a treat but there are downsides too: you have to put it in before you have sex and keep in it afterwards for several hours (can't remember how many but it is a fair few). But, no side-effects and no drugs.

Cyclops · 19/01/2010 15:23

If you use a mooncup then a cap should be easy!

expatinscotland · 19/01/2010 15:23

Cap is really hard to get these days.

Cyclops · 19/01/2010 15:23

really? never knew that, I used mine in late 90s/2000

SabrinaFairchild · 19/01/2010 15:24

Condoms are pretty reliable if used correctly
and would be far less inconvenient to him than the alternatives would be for you. He's lucky to be getting any at all with that attitude.

CocoK · 19/01/2010 15:25

You could try fertility charting - it basically involves using a simple chart every month to find out when you are fertile, and then avoiding sex or using condoms on those days. This is a great book that explains all about it, but I'm sure you'll find lots of info about it online too if you do a bit of a search.

For the record, I gave up on the pill many moons ago and would never consider doing anything to my body again that will change my moods and weight for the worse like they did. If I were you I'd give HIM the silent treatment for days if he expected me to go against my own wishes, fuck up my body and take all responsibility for contraception, and having the nerve to act like a spolit brat about it.

Don't take anymore of his crap. Make him beg on his knees to make you speak to him again after putting your on this stupid guilt trip.

SerenityNowAKABleh · 19/01/2010 15:29

YANBU, tell him to get the snip. See how he likes it. If he's the one who doesn't like condoms, he should be looking into an alternative form of contraception.

Apparently they did come up with a "male pill", but it had side effects such as headaches, weight gain, loss of libido, mood swings, so they didn't think it was safe to release it on the market. Incidentally, all of those are side effects of the female pill ...

I would be wary of using Depo Provera, as if things do go wrong, you have to wait a few months for it to get out of your system. And, you may get no periods (a bonus in my view), or you can have spotting throughout which is a completely pain.

Fibilou · 19/01/2010 15:37

DO NOT TAKE DEPOPROVERA.

I put on 4 stone.

JaneS · 19/01/2010 15:39

Runspotrun - just saw you say on page 1 that you suffer from migraines and wanted to post. I get migraines and my GP told me the only hormone-type contraception that was safe was the progesterone only. I'm a bit surprised if you've been told the injection is fine with migraines. Obviously I'm not a doctor so I can't say, but are you sure the injection would even be a good option healthwise?

WhoIsAsking · 19/01/2010 15:39

Another word of caution regarding Depo Provera. I bled for 6 months after I had the injection.

I wonder how your DP would feel if you ended up with that side effect. (He is being totally unreasonable, you know that don't you?)

Seona1973 · 19/01/2010 16:26

loestrin is a combined pill so you would have the option of trying a mini-pill as well as the coil, implant, etc

I put in loads of weight with the depo but have been fine on the cerazette mini-pill (although there are a lot of threads on here with cerazette side effects)

Northernlurker · 19/01/2010 16:38

I would try the mini pill or use condoms with a bit of cycle checking too so you avoid the most fertile times thus minimising 'accident' risk or he gets the snip. You doing things to your body that you don't want just so he can enjoy sex more is simply not an option. Frankly he's bloody lucky to have you shag him at all. I would be telling him get a hobby and coming to be in head to toe flannelette if dh moaned like your dp!

AnyFucker · 19/01/2010 16:45

unless you wouldn't mind having another baby, I would not recommend trying to avoid fertile times

condoms or snip...those are his choices

and if he gives you the silent treatment, he gets no sex does he ? Bloody brilliant contraception, that is

seriously, is he always such a bully ?

TopSop · 19/01/2010 16:49

Cerazette worked well for me, no periods, no weight gain! and no migraines (which was why I had to stop on the combined pill) - plus it didn't take long to get my periods back again when we decided to ttc no. 2.

Bit childish of him to go off on one! Surely if you can discuss it with him and say you've been looking into contraception other than the combined pill because that's just not the best option for your health... wouldn't he see sense?

JustAnotherManicMummy · 19/01/2010 17:01

I would second AnyFuker re cycle checking and testing being a bad idea. I used Persona, which does that for you by checking your hormone levels... DS is nearly 10mo.

frakkinaround · 19/01/2010 17:10

What a tosser! DH insisted I came off the pill after it sent me absolutely crazy (and I don't mean figuratively) so we now use condoms. Why is he not willing to compromise for the sake of your health if he actually cares about you?

Cyclops · 19/01/2010 17:13

some info here about the cap: hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/contraception.html

the page is dated Nov 2009 so you should still be able to get one, should you wish, via your GP

SomeGuy · 19/01/2010 17:15

hormonal contraceptions are not a good idea IMO, especially ones designed to take effect over a long period of time.

ImSoNotTelling · 19/01/2010 17:25

Tell him that your GP is running a trial of a male contraceptive jab which last for 6 months at a time and see how he reacts to that.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 19/01/2010 17:29

You don't want to take the pill so don't.

He can use a condom or get the snip but tbh I wouldn't want to sleep with him if that was his attitude so wouldn't need contraception.

DH wasn't keen on me taking the pill and I was only on it for 6 months until we got married and the other 14 years we have used condoms without a pregnancy and we are pretty fertile.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 19/01/2010 17:47

No weight gain for me on Mirena
No periods (Yay!)

I also had migraines but now don't get them.

But his attitude stinks.

YoMoJo · 19/01/2010 17:59

I never enjoy sex with condom - always worried it would split or fall off!

Just had my coil fitted today - wanted something easy to stop if I wasnt happy with it. Took 5 mins to be fitted although they did say could take up to 20.

I used the pill "Yasmin" for years with no side effects, i had weight gain & bad pmt with some other brands before i changed to that one (i think microgynon, diannette?)

However - I also agree that DP is being very unreasonable! And agree that you should tell him condom or Snip, im sure i can guess which one he would choose!

Chandon · 19/01/2010 18:17

He seems more concerned about HIS pleasure than YOUR health.

Sorry, but he doesn´t exactly sound like a catch...

My DP and I do not want any more children. I cannot take pill again as it was one of the things causing PND. He now has choice: condom or snip. I don´t think that´s unfair.

Morloth · 19/01/2010 18:20

I can think of an excellent way you can avoid getting pregnant which also results in a drastic loss of dead weight...

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