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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MENNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

66 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 00:51

Sorry for shoiuting in the title!!!!

I have been trying for weeks to get DS2 into an earlier sleep pattern, so this evening DP comes in and it is 10pm, DS2 is settling down so he starts fucking playing with him!!!
It is now 1am and DP is getting annoyed that DS2 is still awake, i keep putting him on the sofa to settle and when he cries dp hugs and kisses him talking away.

So poor DS2 is now over tired and also confused because mummy is laying him down and daddy is hugging him arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I have put him in bed and told DP to bloody stay there and awake until DS2 settles cos i am having a coffee.

OP posts:
GoddessInTheKitchen · 19/01/2010 00:59

good call make daddy do it

how old is he?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:02

Daddy?? he is 47 lol

DS2 is 2

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GoddessInTheKitchen · 19/01/2010 01:05

i thought i should have specified

awww poor little thing, doesn't dp realise he's confusing him? my dp used to do the same thing though, i think it is just MEN

just make sure everytime it happens that HE is the one trying to get him off to sleep again!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:07

Goddess, i knew what you meant! was being a tad cheeky >>>>off to naughty chair lol

He does it everytime he starts to cry hugs, kisses etc....I am sure it is because he missed out on his first 2 children at this age, but it doesn't help me out.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 19/01/2010 01:09

Why are you trying to settle him to sleep on the sofa?

Try a proper bedtime routine, regular checks and reassurance etc, in his own bed. It may take a few days, but will be worth it. The sofa is a recipe for disaster.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:13

BoF, long story but breaking it down, DS1 (as many know) will wake DS2 up if he is in his bed so since he was tiny he has been in living room with me. DS2 now will only go to sleep on the sofa, normally without problem and then when DS1 is asleep i put him into his bed.

TBH it would take toooooo long to explain it all properly, and i am sick of making excuses for me/ds2 and have got to face the truth about a few things....sorry went off topic there

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GoddessInTheKitchen · 19/01/2010 01:15

ohhh i see, that does make sense

does he actually realise that its affecting ds sleep patterns, and making it harder for you everytime you need to put him down?

i suppose dp just needs to understand that he can't just do this and then expect him to sleep straight away, try and have a little chat about the way a 2 yr old see's things.

i have to constantly remind dp of this sometimes

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:18

Goddess, I end up snapping at him which is not very productive (dp not ds2)

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 19/01/2010 01:20

Ok, I don't know the background, but the sofa thing is far from ideal, as you must know. You are effectively teaching him to sleep in a social space, which is unrealistic. Could you use your room and lift him later on?

GoddessInTheKitchen · 19/01/2010 01:21

yea, i used to do the same, in the end i talked to him about it when we were not tired ourselves but dd was, and he could see how it was affecting her.
there's no point trying to bring it up when you are both pissed of at 1 am with a toddler running around

GoddessInTheKitchen · 19/01/2010 01:23

agree with bof about using your bed though, would be much better

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:25

BoF, to explain but keep it short.

DS1 has behavioural problems which affect us all. However if i go into my room with ds2, ds1 will come in and out constantly making a fuss and noise. He will find any excuse to do so, so DS2 then gets disturbed. If i let DS2 go to sleep on the sofa then DS1 will sit there for a while but is more controlled for some reason he will go into his room because he is bored with no tv/news . Then as soon as DS1 is asleep i can get DS2 asleep and into bed.

thats not all of it but thats the basics...

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:26

Goddess, if only i could use my bed...TBH 'i am so tired. have so much going on, DS1 - 11 behaviour is wearing me out and dealing with DS2 sometimes becomes second and then i feel full of guilt...oh gawd this is turning into the thread i didn't want it to....

OP posts:
JodieO · 19/01/2010 01:28

Put him to bed in his room and earlier, 10 is very late for a 2 year old, let alone 1am. It isn't fair on a 2 year old for him to be up so late.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:30

Jodie, there is a back history as to why he is not in his room.

I know it is not fair to him nor is DS1 repeatedly waking him if i put him in his room. at least with him in the living room i can keep things calm.

OP posts:
JodieO · 19/01/2010 01:32

Sorry, I've read some of your posts but can't remember quite why he isn't in his room then.

I do understand you though, my ds1 wakes ds2 and dd in the mornings when he wakes up, sometimes this is middle of the night (4am etc) so I do see where you're coming from in that sense.

GoddessInTheKitchen · 19/01/2010 01:33

i see your predicament well it doesn't sound like you have much choice at the moment but the problem was dp not helping the situation, all the more reason he should be backing you up in what you are doing though.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:34

Jodie, basically if i put him to bed in his bed, DS1 will wake him and hype him up. so in the living room he gets to sleep but tonight DP decided to hug and kiss him when i had repeatedly laid him down to sleep grrrrrrrrrr

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:35

Goddess, atm nope not a lot of choice.

OP posts:
JodieO · 19/01/2010 01:37

Is it not an option to keep ds1 with you downstairs until he's asleep in his bed? Would that make a difference?

GoddessInTheKitchen · 19/01/2010 01:38

but then ds1 would still wake ds2 when he went up, am i right?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:40

Jodie, not really an option tbh, if i don't get DS1 into his bedroom by a set time i will have the 2 of them up and if i did keep him up with me, he would wait until he went to bed and then wake DS2 up...sooooo

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JodieO · 19/01/2010 01:41

Getting ds2 to bed at 7ish and then staying with ds2 and doing something with him, reading, games etc for an hour or two and then tucking him in etc maybe? I don't know, not sure what you've tried but the time spent that way might help as opposed to all being until all night.

JodieO · 19/01/2010 01:42

Crossed posts sorry. Meant ds1 the second time in my last post.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/01/2010 01:44

Jodie, sorry I should have explained, DS2 will sleep earlier on if he is left alone by DS1, BUT DS1 will wake him up. If i get him to sleep in his bed then sit there, DS1 will be in and out of my bedroom to annoy me wake DS2 up. this gives him an excuse to moan i don't do anythign with him...as i said a long back history too much to go into at this time of night tbh.

My only options are to lock DS2 and I in my bedroom or Lock DS1's bedroom door, neither of which float my boat

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