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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this comment by my dinner guest a bit irritating..

55 replies

Irishchic · 18/01/2010 17:03

Sat night, 6 of us having dinner in our house, including me and my husband. One of the girls I don't really know all that well. I have made a cake for dessert, (quite a nice cake too) and after I cut it, and give it around, the girl who I don't know says, Oh that's a real Women's Institute cake there, it's time you went back to work!"

She and the other girl at the table both work, and I gave up working as a solicitor to stay at home with my five very young children (having struggled to combine the two things).

It irritated me a bit, I have to say. AIBU? I suppose I am, or maybe just a bit touchy as feel that people judge me for having given up a supposedly decent job to be a SAHM, (although I am very happy with my choice btw.)

OP posts:
belgo · 18/01/2010 17:05

Some people are just rude. Don't invite them over again!

I'm impressed that you have time to bake a cake with five young children!

ChickensLoveMarmite · 18/01/2010 17:06

YANBU. How patronising of her. I am in awe of anyone who can make a cake, tbh, let alone SAH with five littlies. My two nearly drove me round the bend.

MrsMattie · 18/01/2010 17:06

You probably are being a bit touchy, but I can sort of see why you were. When i was a SAHM I was never quite sure if I should feel offended by some of the things my working friends said (often cetring around the theme of how 'good' i was to be able to 'put up with' beiong at home all day etc etc).

Shrug it off.

You're a solicitor (which you are, even if you're not currently practising), you've got five kids and you bake fab cakes. Pat on the back, love. You sound like bloody Super woman!

Mishy1234 · 18/01/2010 17:06

Stuff her, she's probably jealous!

I work part-time btw (only a 2 year old with one on the way) and would give my eye teeth to be a SAHM.

I don't begrudge those who can do it though and certainly wouldn't make such an odd comment.

What kind of cake was it? I'm starving...

bluesheep · 18/01/2010 17:06

YANBU! Since when is it for other people to comment on when (and if) someone should return to work?

waitingforbedtime · 18/01/2010 17:07

If you dont know her very well then YANBU.

I have said similar things to friends and had things said ot me but we know we joke amongst ourselves about things such as driving an estate car etc etc

wilkos · 18/01/2010 17:07

she was paying you a compliment, albeit in a very cack handed manner

yabu and a bit touchy, but you probably already know that

notanumber · 18/01/2010 17:08

Does she have children?

If not, then I would perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt. You have no idea how much of a minefield the whole Working Mother / Stay At Home Mother thing is until you've had children yourself.It was probably a jokey compliment and no harm meant.

If she does have children, then perhaps she has her own axe to grind and demons to fight.

You're happy with your choices though, so don't let it get to you. Just forget about it and serve Vienetta next time to serve her right and move on.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 18/01/2010 17:08

She was joking.

Don't give it another thought... or I shall have to accuse you of over-analyzing

amidaiwish · 18/01/2010 17:09

you're being touchy

she's jealous (bet you have nice dh, nice house, great kids, clearly intelligent, probably attractive too. You served up a nice meal and then a fab cake. she's probably eaten ready meals all week.

let it wash....

campion · 18/01/2010 17:10

Just don't invite her back as she's obviously tactless and rude. Move on and don't go into soul-searching mood.

5 young children? You have my utmost respect.

By the way - do you think she has a clue about the WI?

Mongolia · 18/01/2010 17:10

Tha day somebody say the same about my cakes, I'm going to feel a complete woman.

perhaps is me who is long overdue to go back to work...

Sassybeast · 18/01/2010 17:11

Ignore - she's the one with the issue if she feels the need to comment.

Morloth · 18/01/2010 17:12

She was a bit rude, you are being a bit over-sensitive - they are not mutually exclusive.

I however, would never comment negatively in anyway on cake someone was handing me. There is cake!

Original poster
Irishchic · 18/01/2010 17:12

Thanks for your comments, they do strike a chord.

There are days when I feel I am going round the bend with the chaos of it, but I wouldnt swap it for the world. And I do intend to get back in to the working world when they are all up a bit, but yes, the odd time you do get these comments that feel a bit condescending.

As for Superwoman, not me, that's the mum who works AND manages the kids and home, that's what I could not do, hats off to those who can!

OP posts:
jeminthecellar · 18/01/2010 17:16

Five young children? Total respect.

I think you are perfectly reasonable to be a bit irritated- i would have told her to perhaps 'fuck off you, you havn't a fucking clue...i'll give you the slice with dog shit in then shall I?' And then spread twinkly smiles around the table.

Total respect to you anyway.

DarrellRivers · 18/01/2010 17:23

It says more about her than you TBH
Subconsciously she is justifying to herself her choices in life

Nemofish · 18/01/2010 17:26

Perhaps she meant making a cake as perfect as that must be a full time job?

LastTrainToGeneva · 18/01/2010 17:27

Agree with the person who said that you ARE a solicitor irrespective of whether you are currently practising or not. You can go back to practising when the time is right for you. If the right time doesn't ever come, then that's fine too - it does not change the fact that you have already qualified.

Shrug it off, she was thoughtless and best and rude at worst. Nothing at all to do with you

cat64 · 18/01/2010 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TiggyR · 18/01/2010 17:30

She's rude - ignore her. She's also feeling a bit jealous and inferior that you are a Domestic Goddess so she wants to belittle you to make herself feel better.

KERALA1 · 18/01/2010 17:30

I get this sort of comment too - something about giving up being a solicitor to be a SAHM seems to really bother some people. Rise above it. FWIW I think she was making a dig and you were not being touchy.

mumblechum · 18/01/2010 17:32

I would have taken that as a joke, to be honest.

TiggyR · 18/01/2010 17:37

I'm sure it WAS a joke, but a slightly bitchy one with unpleasant undertones, nonetheless.

Original poster
Irishchic · 18/01/2010 17:43

Funny thing is this girl herself is known to be a fab cook. Has read every Nigella book out there and regularly impresses people with the amazing food at her parties. I am in awe of her cooking abilities tbh and was actually a bit nervous about serving up my cake to her because I have eaten her cakes and they are nothing short of sublime, I wouldnt even try and compete!

If I worked of course I wouldnt have time to mull over these sorts of things so from that point of vew she maybe is right (!) but that's the choice I have made and am happy with, just not so happy I suppose when it gets commented on in that context..

OP posts: