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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that new mums are under too much pressure...

61 replies

rockmum80 · 18/01/2010 15:52

...to snap back into shape within approximately 2 minutes of giving birth??

Just read a thread on fashion and beauty about special waist cinchers that some mums are wearing IMMEDIATELY post birth to encourage their tummy muscles to go down

Firstly, it sounds VERY painful, especially if you have had a c/section plus surely the uterus takes a few weeks to shrink down anyway so pressing down on it cant be good

And secondly, why the hell are we expected to be skinny again straight away?? Whats wrong with getting ourselvesc well again after birth, resting as much as possible and concentrating on our new babies? not trying to live up to some kind of celebrity ideal.

I wasn't immune to it either, I may not have gone as far as buying a waist cincher but with both mine I dieted like mad straight away and started exercising as soon as I could, and really hated my post birth body. I remember my mum saying to me at the time, "don't be silly Rockmum, why are you so bothered, it was never like this when I had you!" so I think its probably a recent thing.

OP posts:
flashharriet · 18/01/2010 15:54

Agree.

Think all new mums should be in bed for 6 weeks being waited on hand and foot by relatives/friends, not forcing themselves into waist clinchers ffs.

Original poster
rockmum80 · 18/01/2010 16:15

here is the link

OP posts:
mummee09v · 18/01/2010 16:33

haha I posted on it

have to admit to - while not buying a waist cincher - i did wear support pants even though they hurt

and yes I felt the pressure terribly, I even dieted watched my weight during my second pregnancy so it would be easier to get back in shape, and I did, and luckily DD was fine and healthy but my midwife was concerned coz of my lack of weight gain, think I ended up only gaining about a stone by the day I had her

but I noticed everyone kept commenting how great I looked and how "neat" my bump was, and how skinny I was elsewhere, so apparently everyone seems to think staying tiny in pg is a good thing

Original poster
rockmum80 · 18/01/2010 17:03

OMG mummee

Yeah I noticed that too with my pregnancies - except the opposite - people felt they had the right to tell me how HUGE, MASSIVE, ENORMOUS etc i was (I was though lol) but made me feel bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
rockmum80 · 19/01/2010 09:46

Does no one want to discuss this???

obviously NONE of you felt any pressure and all happily sailed through your pregnancies and post birth with no body image worries at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
rockmum80 · 19/01/2010 13:55

anyone?

OP posts:
fernie3 · 19/01/2010 13:58

I have to say I didnt feel any pressure if there was any I most have been totally missed it!. I am never all that bothered though so maybe its just me. I certainly wouldnt wear anything uncomortable while my baby was little (ok probably never I like my comfort). People have commented when I have been pregnant that I had a HUGE bump but I always took this to mean the baby was huge not me!

wifeofdoom · 19/01/2010 14:01

Feel pressure now - but my baby is now toddling about and talking! I think that some people do snap back without too much effort - I'm not one of them. But lots of us don't - you only have to go to any mother and baby group to see that. Don't let it get you down, it'll come off one day!

theressomethingaboutmarie · 19/01/2010 14:03

My darling SIL cheerily told me how I wasn't getting much of a bump but was getting "so much wider" when I heavily pregnant with my DD. I didn't feel huge pressure to snap back after having my daughter but 2 years later with a flabby old tum, my patience is wearing thin!

Isn't there a trend in Brazil to wear torso cruncher type garments to bring you all back together? My rib cage is still 2 inches bigger after having my girl which is really frustrating.

A friend recently gave birth and my husband told me yesterday that, "you wouldn't think she'd had a baby so recently. She's wearing make up and is almost back in her jeans". I sulkily reminded him that I actually wore make up after DD too as if to stand up for my lack of perfection.

duchesse · 19/01/2010 14:09

Don't read the mags if you're likely to feel pressurised by them. There's no law that says you have to read Hello! you know.

mowcop · 19/01/2010 14:13

I have put weight on with my 2nd and 3rd babies, but barely any with the first. However, I could never get back into the same jeans as before even though I got back to the same weight. I think carrying a child changes your physique and you just have to accept it.

I did put on a bit of weight with the 2nd as I had bad migraine and it seemed (to me) that if I wasn't grazing I seemed to get a bad attack, the mw said they were linked to blood sugar. With the 3rd pg had SPD and was on sticks and in a lot of pain and I am a comfort eater. So was putting weight on at a fair rate. TBH most of it has come off now, but I will never see 9st again! I sit at a size 10-12 and if anything need to tone up.

The only pressure I have ever felt is from myself, I don't like to be overweight, it gets me down and then I eat more so it's a vicious circle. I think celebs give the whole thing a bad image with their "amazing post birth bodies!!" but I live in the real world and it's love me, love my cellulite! I do agree that as a new mum, you should relax and enjoy it, not be doing sit ups and living on slimfast. You need some reserves to keep up with the kids!

MrsMattie · 19/01/2010 14:15

I find it terribly sad.

MrsVidic · 19/01/2010 14:17

I really felt pressure- it used to really piss me off when people thought just because I was pregnant it gave them a reight to call me fatty.

I kept fit through pregnancy and was so shocked how easily the weight came off when I'd had my DD (I think breastfeeding mainly did it ).

I was probably back to my pre preg body by 3 months and am slimmer now though. I really wish that I would have known all this when pregnant as the fear of being s fat frumpy mum prevented me from enjoying my pregnancy

Original poster
rockmum80 · 19/01/2010 15:51

I don't understand why the media are so obsessed with showing pictures of how great celebrities look after giving birth anyway. plus i womder if some men see those pictures and expect their partners to look the same??

TSAM - yes the garment on the link i posted sounds very similar to the brazilian thing.

OP posts:
mummee09v · 20/01/2010 10:17

yes I agree, its all very well saying "don't read the mags" etc but come on, we all read them, don't we!! and it isn't just mags its newspapers as well.

anyway I can't do without my weekly Heat and Grazia

NormalityBites · 20/01/2010 15:43

I don't read the mags. Ever. At all.

Nobody commented on my bump size. Nobody commented on my body post-partum either. I didn't feel under any pressure, and didn't go on any diets. I don't have a pair of scales and was never weighed my a MW, so I don't know or care how much weight I put on when I was pregnant. I know I was wearing size 10 jeans before I got pregnant, carried on wearing them until I was 30 weeks or so, when I moved into a size 12 pair (normal jeans just fastened at the bottom of the bump) then back into my normal pre pregnancy clothes by 3 days post partum. I didn't do anything to make this happen and I didn't/don't worry about my weight.

So I didn't feel any pressure. But YANBU, if women are feeling this pressure it is not a good thing. There are enough things to worry about as a new Mum, and it can't be healthy to be thinking about how much you weigh.

scottishmummy · 20/01/2010 15:58

i think one can resist media pressure if so minded.we dont all acquiesce to such parp.some people will undoutebly feel pressure,but that is the complex interaction between them and the message. whereas someone may read same articel with no impetus to act

i dont think there is a homogenous we of mums

and without stating the obvious - if you dont like the message change your reading material

i expect parp magazines to have double page spreads on glossy schlebs post birth.that is their brand they are pushing,selling the product of self.

AgentZigzag · 20/01/2010 16:13

I don't read magazines or newspapers but still feel pressured because everyone else does and thinks it's OK to comment on how big you are.

I gave birth 3 wks ago and I do feel crap about not being my 'normal' size. I didn't overeat when I was pregnant, and I walked an hour a day right up to having DD2, but still managed to put 3st on! How did that happen??

The probs for me are that I desperately want to get back into more of my pre-preg jeans, I'm sick to death of maternity clothes. Also that there doesn't feel to be any reason to be bigger than normal after you've given birth, rightly or wrongly I just want to feel attractive again now I've got my body back.

Although saying all this, the other half of me accepts that I have to pay a price for having such a gorgeous baby and if it's just being bigger for a while then it's a price worth paying for me

poshsinglemum · 20/01/2010 16:18

I used to tell people that my bump wasn't fat but baby. Soon shut them up. I really loved my body whilst pregnant. For once I had an excuse for having a big tum! It was great not to diet.

And breastfeeding is just an excuse to eat loads of cake as calories are burned off anyway. I think women are under lots of pressure re wieght at all times regardless of if they have just given birth. It's crackers.

poshsinglemum · 20/01/2010 16:19

I do hate my postpregnancy tum though.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 20/01/2010 16:27

I was totally unprepared for my post-pregnancy stomach after DS1 (a CS, but stomach after DS2 was barely any better).

I remember my dad making a comment-in earshot- to someone on the phone about how I hadn't lost my tum, a few days after the birth !

I think it is very sad, OP, and totally unrealistic. Many celebs who have had CSs will have had a tummy tuck as well (I gather), or they will have such good muscle-tone proio to the birth - personal trainers etc, that they "ping" back.

It IS important, for self-esteem to get back to some semblance of yourself, but frankly, it comes pretty low in the list of priorities the first months after a birth.

It's another lie touted by celeb magazine (which I now no longer read)

OmicronPersei8 · 20/01/2010 16:36

Normality - If you don't put on much weight (or can stay in your size 10 jeans until 30 weeks!) during pregnancy, and find yourself back to pre-baby size quite quickly after pregnancy, then that's fine, but no wonder you don't stress about your appearance or have any comments made about you.

It is important though that we don't just assume that women who do look slim relatively soon after birth must be dieting/exercising/wearing waist cinchers. Some women just go back quickly, others (like me) find themselves bigger and 2 years on finally feel up to the diet/exercise regime.

OmicronPersei8 · 20/01/2010 16:37

But also (I'm such a fence-sitter) I agree that new mums are under pressure - to look good, to cope, to get their baby sleeping through, to juggle home and work and all the rest of it.

whelk · 20/01/2010 16:38

I find it so sad when you have just done this amazing thing- carrying a child and given birth to one that anyone comments on your body.

My Mother in law asked if I had got my figure back while I was still in hospital. My mum seemed to care deeply about my weight in the following months, always commenting on it. I just wanted to scream.

I didn't give a shit what I looked like at that stage. In time I did care and I gently lost the weight, slowly and by about 9 months post-partum was back to normal-ish.

OmicronPersei8 · 20/01/2010 16:39

I remember being when my MIL commented on a family friend and how after 6 months she still had her baby tummy. FFS.

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