to think that new mums are under too much pressure...

[rockmum80]

...to snap back into shape within approximately 2 minutes of giving birth??

Just read a thread on fashion and beauty about special waist cinchers that some mums are wearing IMMEDIATELY post birth to encourage their tummy muscles to go down

Firstly, it sounds VERY painful, especially if you have had a c/section plus surely the uterus takes a few weeks to shrink down anyway so pressing down on it cant be good

And secondly, why the hell are we expected to be skinny again straight away?? Whats wrong with getting ourselvesc well again after birth, resting as much as possible and concentrating on our new babies? not trying to live up to some kind of celebrity ideal.

I wasn't immune to it either, I may not have gone as far as buying a waist cincher but with both mine I dieted like mad straight away and started exercising as soon as I could, and really hated my post birth body. I remember my mum saying to me at the time, "don't be silly Rockmum, why are you so bothered, it was never like this when I had you!" so I think its probably a recent thing.

I don't particularly like my tummy post-baby but I figure that any work I put into it now will be promptly ruined when I have the next one so I'm not planning to care massively until I'm done with babies!

We have had children, created life and are nurturing tiny little people, all with our utterly marvellous bodies. Appreciate what you are capable of and stop worrying about what you look like!!

I actually lost a bit of weight during pregnancy due to pre-natal depression. It made me feel awful because I was worried about DS's health etc and also it just didn't make for a healthy pregnancy.

Having given birth just over two weeks ago I was out in a social situation at the weekend and everyone was congratulating me on my figure. (Still a size 14 btw). It made me feel so sad because it wasn't by design but rather through something that I would rather hadn't have happened.

It really opened my eyes as to how much women notice and judge each other on weight post partum. I think that there's something very beautiful and nurturing about weight gain during pregnancy however this is never celebrated. Clearly obesity isn't healthy however becoming a mother is one of the most profoundly altering processes we can go through- our bodies need to be given the chance to reflect this.

The media need to carry the can for some of this- I personally can't think of any positive images of women whose bodies have significantly changed after having children. I may be wrong.

In Saturday's Guardian there was an interview with Billy Piper who described her boobs as being "like envelopes" since breastfeeding. From the clips that I've seen, this is not the image that's being reflected in the new series of Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Now I'm not saying that Ms Piper should be playing the part covered in stretch marks or dispaying a flabby tummy, however I can see how women will look at the way that her figure is portrayed in this programme and assume that this is the reality of her figure as a mum when she will readily admit that it's not.

IMHO (and not wanting to get on feminist high horse) this is an element of the beauty myth. Weight and the drive to be stick thin is a tool that women use to judge each other, to judge themselves, to make life harder and place perfection even further out of reach. Looking after a young baby is hard enough already. Why do we insist on piling on this extra pressure?

It's all part of this idea that females should all have the bodies of 17 year old girls.

But of course fully grown women/ones who have had children don't usually have the bodies they had at 17/pre babies.

It is unattainable. Ask any woman, even one who is as slim as she was at 17, whether she still has the same body and of course the answer will always be no.

I know people who were extremely worried about how their bodies would look when they were pregnant, have hated pregnancy and then dieted ASAP. Sort of as if it had never happened?

It's so sad. Women with grown up bodies should be celebrated.

but if you buy such magazines you tacitly and financially support schleb baby weight loss stories. copy sells,makes money.

No I don't think they are. I wouldn't call sleb photies in tattle mags pressure.

Under pressure?

From whom or what exactly?

If it is crappy 'making you feel' bad, why read them?

I personally think there isn't enough pressure on a lot of people to do a lot of things.

maybe you dont call it pressure,op does. hence the post. rockmum80 said "really hated my post birth body" and discusses magazines

think one can resist media pressure if so minded.we dont all acquiesce to such parp.some people will undoubtedly feel pressure,but that is the complex interaction between them and the message. whereas someone may read same article with no impetus to act

indeed, I don't call it pressure. The op is asking for our opinion and that's what my opinion is.

YANBU

I also have reservations about the current pressure to introduce more weigh ins during pregnancy that has been recently reported, surely this will increase the pressure?

if you read stuff that makes you feel pressured you have to take responsibility for exposing self to shit

yes, agree. That sort of stuff is easily avoidable.

Not so easy to avoid people though

I would go out of my way to avoid people who made me feel shit about myself, and tell them why if they noticed me disengaging from them.

As would I georgi, but then that in itself says you have the confidence to not be upset by what they say.

Other people may be less confident during pregnancy in the changes they see in their body and other peoples comments can be quite damaging to their self esteem at a time when they feel at their most vulnerable.

For me, I loved it and loved being huge, felt more pregnant somehow!

I think a lot of it is down to our genetic make up though. I've got friends who have sailed through pregnancy with a neat little bump even though they have eaten constantly and pinged back soon after and other friends that, like me, are still carrying excess baby weight around even two or three years down the line!

I don't know whether it's the media or just my own pressure, but putting on weight during pregnancy would really bother me, and I would really want to lose it asap after (I wouldn't do anything dangerous, obv). I just wouldn't feel like me, and loss of identity is already something that bothers me about having children.

I didn't feel pressured by magazines etc, but did feel put out by listening to MIL and SIL bitch about other women who hadn't lost their baby weight. And also I couldn't help but envy the friends who looked svelte after a few months, whereas I still looked heffalumpish.

Personally I think it's part of the general pressure women put themselves under - the ideal mother has a calm baby who sleeps on cue, she's sexy and comfortable with her self and copes well. We all have those dreams when we're pregnant: reality can be a rude shock and it takes a while to reconcile what you imagined with what you've got.

Are women pressured? I think women allow themselves to be.

"I have had/ am having a baby. I am fat. Yup that's right, F - A - T. Know what? Proud too!"

Not forgetting...

"Know what else? I have WHOPPING stretch marks! That's right! Stretch marks! COVERING my body! Top to bottom! Know what? Proud too!"

I think these days new mums are under sooo much pressure, and I'll admit to checking out a new mums middle to see what shape it is.

My DC1 happened to be a very hungry baby, and I lost a lot of weight very quickly. Which was convenient as I was getting married 4 months after he was born. Even my mother, who belives looks are not at all important (you have to see her to believe this ) said I'd "done very well". For heavens sake, it was LUCK! It was also luck that I was still breast feeding when I got married, and had mamouth boobs, combined with the weight loss = a nice figure. Luck, nothing else. I did not need congratulating.

I think previously, people would think, well, she's had a baby, she's no onger a slip of a lass, of course she has changed shape.

Now we all have to be "yummy Mummys" Baking cup cakes, but not eating them.

My weight just plummetted after giving birth, without any effort on my part. Once I've lost quite a bit, I started to take pride in it, took up exercise, to tone up a bit

Women who lose their baby weight quickly get often vilified, especially if they've got some media presence, as putting on pressure onto women.

If women want to wear waist cinchers, fine, let them. If they want to get back into shape, let them. If they rather stay fat, their choice, fine, let them.

Don't try to validate your own way and choices by downtalking other people's choices.

I think it's unfair to say 'if they rather stay fat'. It's great that some find their way to losing weight, exercising etc (and above I did say that some people do and we shouldn't assume that anyone who has lost their baby weight is succumbing to celebrity-led pressure), but some people it's tough.

I haven't had a whole night's sleep for 2 years and this has had a massive effect on me, it is only now that I feel together enough to start to lose weight and take up exercise again. Women either 'choosing to get back into shape... [or] stay fat' is exactly the kind of pressure I find the hardest to deal with: the idea that I just choose to stay fat. Being overweight isn't fun, or healthy, or that beautiful. But it can be hard to make the changes necessary.

I knew I would change things, the pressure comes from when I started - 2 weeks, 6 months or even 2 years after birth - and how I was judged in the mean time. Fat is judged by so many to = lazy, but the story is often more complex than that.

Basically I've always resented being judged for how I look not who I am. When I lost a lot of weight a few years back I hated the compliments I got, as I felt those around me were nicer to me because I was thinner.

media messages are communication between sender and receiver.if a media article makes one pressured,that is indicative that something in that message is resonant and pertinent to you.so to an extent some responsibility to take care of self and try regulate not to be pressured.

we don't all receive and process media the same way.

my immediate concerns post birth was not weight loss.

i did however feel pressure to be perfect coping mum.that was my internal pressure. to demonstrably glow.i failed miserably,stopped stressing and gave myself permission to be good enough. that fair cheered me up

being self reflective and knowing personal triggers is generally good way to ease pressure

Sorry, I have emphasised pressure as being from magazines, newspapers etc, I meant from other women as well!

even my ex MIL - when she came to see me and her new grandkid in the hospital, barely 24 hours after I had given birth, she had barely looked at the baby before giving my still pregnant looking tummy a once over and saying "wow you have got a lot to lose there rockmum!" stupid insensitive cow.

I will never forget that comment.

and also as I said everyone felt the need to comment on my size, ie with DC1 I was bigger than with DC2. So pretty much everyone said how HUGE i was with DC1 then everyone said how lovely and "neat" I was with DC2.

and most women I saw in the days and weeks afterwards, with both, I caught looking at my middle to see how I was shaping up. And I have done it to people as well myself, ie when people I know have had babies.

regardless of whom exerts pressure,one can resist.we aren't compelled to respond/react to remarks or comments.naturally there will be a range be respond in.

but if something irks,and causes pressure that suggest it holds some resonance

being a parent is a pressured activity.need to become comfortable in on skin and with own choices

TBH I can't see why everyone gets in such a flap about it. If someone wants to look at my middle and make a judgement to make themselves feel better then they're welcome provided they choose not to share it with me.

I think avoiding shite, trashy magazines is a good move. They seem to have an appallingly detrimental effect in female self esteem. Why anyone would pay to be made to feel like crap is a bit of a mystery to me.