to think that new mums are under too much pressure...

[rockmum80]

...to snap back into shape within approximately 2 minutes of giving birth??

Just read a thread on fashion and beauty about special waist cinchers that some mums are wearing IMMEDIATELY post birth to encourage their tummy muscles to go down

Firstly, it sounds VERY painful, especially if you have had a c/section plus surely the uterus takes a few weeks to shrink down anyway so pressing down on it cant be good

And secondly, why the hell are we expected to be skinny again straight away?? Whats wrong with getting ourselvesc well again after birth, resting as much as possible and concentrating on our new babies? not trying to live up to some kind of celebrity ideal.

I wasn't immune to it either, I may not have gone as far as buying a waist cincher but with both mine I dieted like mad straight away and started exercising as soon as I could, and really hated my post birth body. I remember my mum saying to me at the time, "don't be silly Rockmum, why are you so bothered, it was never like this when I had you!" so I think its probably a recent thing.

But what if you avoid the magazines, accept you've had a baby and body's changes, accept that you're not going to be focussing on weight loss / getting in shape at this point in time, and then someone makes a horribly insensitive comment about how you look? What if more than one person does this more than once? Maybe some of that is because they read the magazines and it builds their expectations of what a new mum should look like. Whatever the reason, it can be very hurtful and if it's just a passing comment it can put great pressure on you.

theminniebobble had a point about the beauty myth and women using it judge each other.

Maybe it's just another thing that is part of the reality about having babies (for some, not all) that we discover once they're here. A bit like the bugger that is sleep-deprivation, or changing all the priorities in your life. Even you're told you don't believe it until you experience it for yourself.

Omicron, you make some good points. However, I do agree with the posters saying that the only person who can really put pressure on you is yourself. Even in the face of insensitive comments. A blank stare and 'I've just had a BABY' can go a long way, I feel. (Or if they're older, I just had a CHILD ) Maybe it might make the commenter think twice before saying it to another new mum.

The key is to change our small, insignificant realities first, then before you know it, we made a difference without even trying.

Snubbing the commenters and opting out of the magazine readership is a good start.

Oh and if it makes you feel any better I got lots of stretchmarks but echo the pps comment about pure luck.

Omicron, ok I could have said "choose not to do something about their weight" instead of "choose to stay fat", but this still doesn't change the fact that a) the pressure is more about your own self-image than other people's perception - if you were truly happy with how you are then you wouldn't take such offence.And why fereavens sake take offence at compliments for an achievement, when you lost weight?

Yes, it's not easy and takes some effort, I've been there myself and have that T-Shirt. But just because you struggle to do it, it doesn't make it wrong that other women do it, and those who manage to lose their weight straight away shouldn't be hidden away either. Also it's not wrong if the image of a healthy, normal-weight woman is promoted, rather than making overweight the new normal weight, as has been happening over the last few years.

I don't read the mags. I don't understand 'the pressure' either. If I hear about some sleb who's magically back to size zero in a ridiculously short time after giving birth, my reaction is, "Poor cow. What a shame she has to starve/exercise rather than enjoy the early weeks of motherhood, just so she can carry on earning her living." I don't admire her, I pity her.

Some people lose their baby weight without thinking, others try a bit, others struggle. I've no problem with people being slim after having a baby, but I think there is an issue about how women sometimes feel post-birth. I guess I'm trying to say three separate things, one about becoming a mother, the rest about being overweight.

1. Self-esteem, in very simple terms, can be seen as the gap between your ideal self and your self image. Before you have a baby I think many women have built a pretty strong sense of who they are, as defined by their relationships, interests and work. How they look also fits into this. After you have a baby it can be a shock to look in the mirror and see a very different body to the one you've come to see as 'you'. Some women can feel this difference in a negative way, others embrace it. I think if depends on the individual. Personally I know that it is pretty miserable to go into a shop, try 10 things on and walk out with nothing - especially if you've always previously enjoyed shopping for clothes.

2. Being overweight can mean that people treat you differently, from the fat = lazy stereotype to more subtle responses. The example of not liking compliments when I lost weight is pretty personal, but based on noticing a marked difference in reactions. When I was overweight I was dismissed more, excluded socially more. I also saw the same with colleagues. Being thinner was great for feeling better, emotionally and physically, but I was still the same person, yet somehow now more likeable.

3. The idea that overweight people chose to be so. Well, I think this is a whole other thread, but it's not as simple as that. Eating is often linked to feeling low or boredom, both possible if at home with a baby. Being overweight and not losing it doesn't mean that you like it or are happy with how you look- it might mean the opposite. Getting the motivation to change for some can be difficult when going through months of sleep deprivation. And people without children also struggle to lose weight, it is a whole complex issue. Being judged as fat and lazy doesn't help.

These three things were behind my earlier posts. I suppose in response to the OP I'd say that the pressure to be thin can be internal too, as we compare ourselves to our previous looks and lifestyle. Having people ask about or question your weight is another pressure (ignoring it all, especially if your self esteem is low, isn't always possible). I don't know how much pressure there is from celebrities - maybe the pressure isn't on the mums but on their friends and family to expect women to ping back to skinny (although again for some this is perfectly normal).

Ideally women would accept and celebrate the changes that motherhood brings (I look at my bigger belly and stretch marks and think with pride that two babies have lived in there), and society would also accept that perhaps how a woman looks after she's had a baby isn't the greatest measure of her - or that she needs to be measured/judged at all - but we don't live in an ideal world.

Anyway obviously a whole load of my own personal issues are making me react in a certain way on this thread, I should probably take a step back and just sit on the fence like usual.

I snapped back with DS and DD - literally out of the hospital in size eights.
I got called a bitch by a few people - a couple of them close friends.
I exercised and didn't overeat - mainly because I had (very public) hyperemesis both times, but hey....I guess I'm still a bitch.
Think that says it all.

That's awful minouminou , why do people think they can be so horrible about anyone's appearance? People come in all shapes and sizes, it seems so pointless to attack someone just for the way they look. How nasty - I was going to say insensitive but this goes further - or your friends.

One or 2 comments were of the "Youuuuu biatch!!!!" not serious ilk, but I distinctly remember a sharp intake of breath from one person before she let rip with "God, you really are a skinny bitch, aren't you?"
Yeah...I was sticking my fingers down my throat several times a day just so's I didn't put much weight on.... I mean, blisters around my mouth, being in pain from my jawbone to my lower abdomen from all the retching for months...walking round in a doped-up haze from the anti-emetics...but hey.....ooooh...get me..aren't I lucky?
More subtle but just as disturbing were the number of "Good girl" comments.

I am one of the lucky few who 'snapped back' into my original shape straight after labour. Luckily for me, my orginal shape was overweight with a wobbly tummy Easy-peasy!

I had food poisoning when dd2 was 4 months and it worked a treat at getting rid of baby weight. Wouldnt recommend it though.

Do agree with OP. Still feel sad when I remember that 6 weeks after dd1 was born I went into the garden with a skipping rope in an attempt to get fit having read that after 6 weeks you should "go back to normal" regarding exercise. Ha that advice hadnt taken into account someone who had had SPD so badly she hadnt walked without crutches for the last 3 months and had had an emergency c section. After about 4 skips I collapsed in a heap.