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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is my mil an obsessive control freak or am I crazy

71 replies

rmm · 17/01/2010 04:33

We live 15 minutes away from my in laws. Our relationship is cordial at best.

We are on holiday in Australia right now visiting my parents and my mil has been calling dh every other day to find out how he is.

Over Christmas (and we;re not even christians) she was calling every day!

I already told him this is really bothering me and his solution is to talk to he when we get back. I feel that the damage has already been done and anyway why not tell her now?

AIBU to think this is bordering on his mother being obsessive?????

OP posts:
charmander · 17/01/2010 04:40

How often do you speak to your parents when you are in UK?

Original poster
rmm · 17/01/2010 04:45

I speak to my mum almost every day. I have alway been very close to my mum.
But when i go on holiday i dont speak to her while i'm on holiday.

I feel when i'm on holidasy that is time for me, dh and my children.

When i am at home i hardly ever speak yo mil. I've heard more from her this past few weeks then ever.

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 17/01/2010 05:10

I don't really understand what the problem is tbh. I'm sure your DH can cut a conversation short if he wishes, its only a phone call. What damage has been done? Sorry but I think yabu and overreacting.

overmydeadbody · 17/01/2010 05:14

Sounds like you're the obsessive control freak.

Your mil's son is on the other side of the world, it's understandable that she would like to tslk to him every other day.

You are making an issue out of nothing. If your DH doesn't have a problem with his mother's contact with him then you should stay well out of it. It is his choice, not yours, how often he speaks to his mil no the phone.

Just because yo do things differently with your mother doesn't mesn it is the only right way

ClaudiaSchiffer · 17/01/2010 06:11

YABU

Devendra · 17/01/2010 06:28

It depends... if its a 5 min quick call then yabu for sure... If she is expecting a long conversation everyday then she is weird.
Seriously though..... How can it cause damage?? Chill!!

squashimodo · 17/01/2010 06:50

My mil phones continuously every evening, she starts at 7, then phones every hour until midnight. Now that is obsessive, intrusive and weird. At the weekend she phones from midday. She is just mad.
If your mil is like mine, then yanbu, if it is just a quick phone call, then you are b u.

squashimodo · 17/01/2010 06:51

she lives ten minutes away from us

nancydrewrocks · 17/01/2010 07:08

YANBU. You DH ought to tell his mother that you are on holiday and they will speak when he gets home.

IMO holidays are an opportunity to get away from it all - that includes speaking to friends family. Obviously if something urgent comes up then fine, but chit chat is not for hols.

ErnestTheBavarian · 17/01/2010 07:17

yabu & ott

ElenorRigby · 17/01/2010 07:50

Phoning while you are on holiday in Oz. Weird.
YANBU.

mii · 17/01/2010 08:01

YANBU, doesn't she have a life?

peacocks · 17/01/2010 08:12

Yanbu, very odd behaviour. You are not crazy.

MrsMattie · 17/01/2010 08:16

depends what they're relationship is normally like, I suppose. I speak to my mum several times a day, but not when we are on holiday! Would only text her to say we'd arrived safely and maybe once more while away.

IsItMeOr · 17/01/2010 08:19

Depends, in part, on how often she would normally speak to DH. But also, what would normally happen at Christmas. Also, whether she is a nervous traveller.

diddl · 17/01/2010 08:33

How often does she phone when you are at home?

TBH I think phoning people when they are on holiday is odd.

Although you are visiting your parents-not strictly a holiday imo.

I think if she´s phoning more than usual YANBU.

That said, why do you care so much?

mylifemykids · 17/01/2010 08:38

'I feel when i'm on holidasy that is time for me, dh and my children'

You're with YOUR family in Australia but he's not allowed to talk to his mum?!

And when you're home it's ok for you to talk to your mum almost every day but, because you're away, she's not allowed to phone him every other day? You obviously miss your mum when you're home so why wouldn't she miss her son??

I think YABU!!

piscesmoon · 17/01/2010 08:38

Lots of posters on here will be doing that in years to come! See the thread on leaving an 8 yr old alone for 15 mins while you are out of the house and have your mobile phone! Parenting is about letting go and you have to start early and do it gradually.
I have pointed out to them that if I was as overprotective as some think I should be (the ones who would report me to SS for child neglect!)that I am setting myself up as the MIL from hell!!!
YANBU-she has never let go. A good lesson for all who are over protective!!

kslatts · 17/01/2010 08:54

I think YABU.

I speak to my Mum most days, she lives about 10 minutes away and we are very close.

When we go on holiday I don't usually speak to her, but will text her a couple of times.

I wouldn't have a problem if DH spoke to his mum when we were on holiday.

'I already told him this is really bothering me and his solution is to talk to he when we get back. I feel that the damage has already been done and anyway why not tell her now?'

why is it bothering you so much. IMO this comment makes you sound like a obsessive control freak.

IsItMeOr · 17/01/2010 08:55

Actually, have reconsidered, and I would find this annoying. Agree it is really DH's problem though, so you need to let him deal with it as he thinks best. Try not to let it spoil your holiday.

piscesmoon · 17/01/2010 09:52

It is DH's problem. I would get him to sort it out now rather than wait until he gets back-tell her that 'no news is good news'. He could just not be available to answer.

ChunkyChick · 17/01/2010 10:02

YA Definitely NBU. What is he, six years old or something? This would drive me crazy. One phonecall a week is more than enough.

onefatoneshortonelean · 17/01/2010 10:05

My mother is on holiday in Australia visiting my sister atm. I have spoken to her probably about every 3 days.

I don't understand what the problem is and what damage has been done. If my dh said my mother couldn't phone whenever she wanted to then I would be having a word with him about his obsesive and controling behaviour.

piscesmoon · 17/01/2010 10:11

I think that is the other way around -your mother is the one on holiday and it would be controlling if your DH resented her calls. It would be entirely different if you were interrupting your mother's holiday, every other day to ask if she was OK!

fanjolina · 17/01/2010 10:19

YABU

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