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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men - a meal ticket for life?

429 replies

marantha · 14/01/2010 10:05

Reading the amount of abuse the poster Washwithcare has received here over the past few days for suggesting that her husband does not offer more money to his ex-partner (not NOT married, no contract signed) and her (not biologically HIS) children it strikes me that feminism doesn't really exist- or only exists when it suits women.
Women are still baby machines that try to get as much money off a man as they can, when the chips are down.
AIBU?

OP posts:
lucyellensmumagain · 14/01/2010 11:30

oh god yes, absolutely, passwords and pin numbers girls! I mean, it is humiliating to have to ASK for money so we should have access to all assets!!

Now, DP has left me with £20 to go and get this evenings dinner - but i DESERVE lunch, after all, i did give him sex this morning - he can make his own dinner when he gets in.

Oh, i love being a SAHM!!

Movingon2010 · 14/01/2010 11:30

lucyellensmumagain

chandellina · 14/01/2010 11:35

i didn't mean to imply that women become SAHMs only because they hate their jobs, apologies for that.

the broader issue is why men tend to be the top earnings in a couple. Supposedly it's in large part because women choose more flexible types of jobs, knowing they want to have a family.

i think there are many reasons though, including general societal pressures on what girls can and should do.

SerenityNowAKABleh · 14/01/2010 11:38

Hm. I've looked through old posts and still can't figure out whether Marantha is a man or a woman. I did encounter them previously on a potential fraud thing, and they're not easily convinced of when they are wrong.

If this is your genuine view, that men are just a meal ticket (if you're either a man or a woman), I feel very sorry for you and think that your life must be VERY depressing.

ImSoNotTelling · 14/01/2010 11:38

"the broader issue is why men tend to be the top earnings in a couple. Supposedly it's in large part because women choose more flexible types of jobs, knowing they want to have a family."

Totally disagree. The reason that men tend to be the higher earner is that women's pay and employment prospects, and the consequences of going part-time if that is what they do, are knackered by time off for babies

Peachy · 14/01/2010 11:38

YABU, what bothered me about WWC'sthread in terms of paying money was that the DHwas happy to do it from what I read (I did stop after a day though so if more info has appeared...) and I think he has a right to pay it if he chooses.

I've lived off Dh for afew years now, one of us has to be at home to be a carer and I ammuch mroe suited to it. Before that (and what anyone getting a snapshot won't know) is that he lived off me when I was working and he was ill. it's called partnership.

ScreaminEagle · 14/01/2010 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Peachy · 14/01/2010 11:44

But it's still his choice if he has already coverd his own and familylies needs,surely?

I used to give a smallamopunt a week to a single mumfriend whoseDH wouldnt pay up, I am ahrdly the children't father but it was my choice becuase,presumably like WWC'sDH, I adored those children and wanted to help them. If you live with kids you can dbecome very atatched to them,and leaving dosn't just kill that bond.And thank goodness for men like him, I don'tmean the open pockets- that's probably just the fact that he was not lacking for cash- but ones who care about kids and want to maintain that relationship regardless of genetic input.

Morloth · 14/01/2010 11:44

If marantha wants to talk about WWC's thread/situation then he/she should do it on that thread. If you start a new thread it is going to go in a different direction.

Peachy · 14/01/2010 11:45

Morloth you have a point,sorry.

pagwatch · 14/01/2010 11:51

tis true.
This is a thread about a thread.
Which is unfortunate as it increases the number of self -serving, shit stirring, ill-thought out, attention seeking shite threads which I am trying to ignore.

wankers.

Peachy · 14/01/2010 11:53

Dh ahs a very crass saying- he who sows the seed must pay for the deed.The fcact he uses it probably explains why Ilove him somuch though- his basic values and senseof responsibility andlargepenis

You are imagining that last line, I would never say that btw

pagwatch · 14/01/2010 11:57

My DH will be the father of his children until he dies - regardless of our relationship or any intervening circumstances, or indeed the age of his children. He will have a sense of responsibility -driven by love- well into their adulthood.
As will I.
There is no sell by date on your children FGS

HowManyTimesDoIHaveTo · 14/01/2010 11:58

When does that happen though? In normal relationships rather than the super rich? That women without DC expect men to carry on supporting them when they split up ?

I think YABU and a bit mad too.

MissWooWoo · 14/01/2010 12:01

can people stop saying that they are "living off" their partner if they don't go out to work, it implies that they contribute nothing to the family unit. You are not a flea on a dog!

seriously though it would be lovely wouldn't it if everyone could look at the broader issue when it comes to raising families, as I said before it is sooo much more than bringing in the money.

time to leave this thread as I'm repeating myself and anyhow need to go and buy something extravagent from My-Wardrobe.com using dp's cc

chandellina · 14/01/2010 12:08

the reality is women almost invariably lose out in a split, no matter the financial status of the couple. That is in large part because of men earning more money, which has many root causes.
So despite my stated feminism, I can understand a woman whose partner leaves her wanting some share of the money earned when the relationship was intact.

Peachy · 14/01/2010 12:10

Very true mrs woo.Indeeed,I do bring in mioney,but CA is in no way a real wage. It is earned though,in tears and blood often.

MaggieMnaSneachta · 14/01/2010 12:11

Meal ticket?! ha that'll be the day.....
I have two children and not a pot to piss in, My x still lives in the same house and drives a porshe.

meal ticket my arse!!

ImSoNotTelling · 14/01/2010 12:12

Marantha is very good at this. His/her threads always get a response.

I am interested to know whether marantha is a man, based on that earlier post. marantha?

drloves8 · 14/01/2010 12:13

If your a SAHM with a partner who is working.you have decided with your partner that that is the right thing to do for both of you and your kids.You will contribute in other ways to the house, usually by running around after kids and sorting out house related problems (like bust washing machines /boilers ect).(im not including housework - that should be shared imo.)
That is very different from a woman who does not work and has no intention to do so, who lives on money given to her by her EX-p. (not ex-dh).
If the woman has children , she is entitled to money from the childrens bio-dad or legal dad for the children..... not the one with the most money.and not for herself.

ShinyAndNew · 14/01/2010 12:14

Op - are you my DH? He says stupid bollocks like this. Women living off men etc. It's absurd.

As I tell DH, if he were to pay a childminder, cleaner, cook, dog walker, laundry woman, computer maintenance person, personal shopper for his dds, tutors to do his dds homework with them etc etc etc, it would cost a hell of a lot more than the money I get each week from him. I do NOT live off him for free.

As it happens I also work p/t. I'd love to work f/t, but there is no way it would feasable the way our family is atm and his working patterns.

How can the DH in the other op care for his childrens needs without paying something to the mother? Are they to live in some grotty bedsit somewhere eating beans on toast whilst wearing designer clothes he provided for them? Of course he needs to suport the other woman in order to support the children. They need have somewhere warm and safe to live with adequate food on the table, to get this he needs to ensure the mother of his children has the money to provide that.

As for his ex thinking he is a meal ticket, he walked out on her no? For WWC. It's not like she left him for another man and is now expecting him to support her.

DH is not dd1's biological father. Her bio father pissed off whilst I was pregnant because he didn't want to pay for her. She calls DH daddy. He was the one who encouraged this not me. I didn't need anyone to father her. I was doing perfectly well on my own. She does not want to meet her bio dad, as far as she is concerned she has a daddy and doesn't want another one. Dh does not want her to meet him. He is her father. This other man has done nothing for her.

I fully expect DH to care for and provide for dd1 in the same way he does dd2. He took on the role of her father. willingly, with no encouragement, that's something you cannot just walk away from.

ImSoNotTelling · 14/01/2010 12:17

I always find these ideas odd anyway.

What is the solution to the women sponging off men by having children?

The answer is obviously that women should not have children. Then they could all work full time and in that case I am sure gender pay equality would happen pretty quickly and no-one would need to sponge off anyone and everyone would be happy.

But hold on...

Men want children too!

MaggieMnaSneachta · 14/01/2010 12:19

This was how my x saw it. there are men who think like this. I did all the cleaning,cooking, childcare, shopping, running around doing his errands during the day, taking things back to the shop, posting stuff for him that he was selling on ebay etc etc... i was never done. he wouldn't help with the children at all. that was my job. and yet he used to say that he was supporting me to stay at home!!!! as though i were lying in bed all day eating chocolates and watching casablanca.

the level of delusion is phenomenal.

pooexplosions · 14/01/2010 12:20

SCREAMINGEAGLE, you are missing the point, marantha is using that women as justification for her misogynstic nasty ranting about all women. Except presumably herself

PMSL at "mealticket"! More like a snack ticket, on his wages! The very idea that a man should support his wife and children, how very dare they?

MaggieMnaSneachta · 14/01/2010 12:21

I'm so not telling, yes my x talked me in to have dc2 and now won't pay maintenance for either of them.

In the real world, not heather mcCartney mills world, it is women who end up screwed.