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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to send my 6 year old on a residential school trip?

64 replies

coldtits · 11/01/2010 13:15

My 6 year old has a few behavioral and social problems. He's young for his age and I accept that may have been colouring my judgement.

Ds1's school are offering what sounds like a fun residential trip. It's morning until the NEXT afternoon, and apparently a lot of the children are looking forward to it.

Ds1 isn't going. Not a chance in Hell.

If he has an asthma attack in the middle of the nigh, neither he nor his 6-year-old-boy room-mates will know what to do. He would say he is fine with sharing a room but in reality my freak out at not having his own space.

And (and this is the AIBU part) he's 6. I don't think it['s necessary for the children to go residential when they are 6. What the hell is wrong with day trips? If it was a day trip, all the staff would be conscious nd I would let him go, totally. As it is, they don't have the same level of awareness as me and I don't trust them to sleep and be as aware as they may not even realise they need to be..

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 11/01/2010 13:17

I agree with you colditz. My 6yr old wouldn't cope at all. Far too young IMO. And I am not exactly a cotton-wool parent

deaddei · 11/01/2010 13:18

I agree with you.
It is not necessary for 6 year olds to go overnight- mine did their first one at 9.
I'm sure other children will not be going either.

cravingcroissants · 11/01/2010 13:18

YANBU. You know your son the best and if you don't hink he would cope then don't send him.

Tbh I also think that is a bit young for an overnight stay with school.

Bonsoir · 11/01/2010 13:19

There is another thread right now about resididential school trips here. Food for thought?

I would have thought a single overnight trip would be fine for nearly all 6 year olds, if they are with their school friends and usual teacher.

dilemma456 · 11/01/2010 13:19

Message withdrawn

Hassled · 11/01/2010 13:20

Six is too young. And I am usually of the Devil May Care school of parenting. The school is being wildly over-ambitious - they will have a lot of homesick, overtired children.

belgo · 11/01/2010 13:21

Absolutely your decision. Every child is different and if you feel your child isn't ready, then don't send him.

My dd1 will be going on an overnight trip with her school when she is six. I don't have any worries at all, but she doesn't have any health problems.

TheWorldFamousKewcumber · 11/01/2010 13:21

Six seems young to me but then DS is only 4 so I know nothing!

belgo · 11/01/2010 13:22

It may be a good idea to organise something else for your ds to do the same day that his friends are going on the trip, to help stop him feeling like he's missing out?

Very brave teachers btw to take a group of six year olds away for the night!

Blackduck · 11/01/2010 13:23

Ds is in Year2 and they have a residential trip coming up (2 nights away). Not all the year can go (in fact it is under half the year...) I gave ds the choice, and he has decided he doesn't want to go and that is fine by me...(there are reasons I would rather he didn't go!) I think it is okay for some kids, but not for all...for what it is worth I personally would not have wanted to go away at that age.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/01/2010 13:23

Six doesn't seem too young, IF your child doesn't have health/social problems. Good for you for making a stand.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 11/01/2010 13:27

My son has a 2 night away trip later this year when he will be 9 and I am nervous about it. I hate having to trust other people to keep him safe.

YANBU at all.

Bonsoir · 11/01/2010 13:28

Kewcumber - I am still amazed at the difference in independence that happens between 4 and 5. My DD is totally different to the way she was a year ago and can manage all sorts of situations on her own that were seemingly unthinkable a year ago. The change happened very quickly and at her own instigation!

MollieO · 11/01/2010 13:28

How many are going and how many have declined? I think you need to do what you need to do but ensure that ds does something fab as recompense.

I think most 6 yr olds would have issues about being away over night but I would assume that the teachers have considered this in their risk assessment. Ds is 5.5 and would love to do something like this.

midnightexpress · 11/01/2010 13:30

Bonsoir, I think there may be a difference between boys and girls in that respect too (not sure, my 2 are still under 5). Girls possibly ready earlier in general for that sort of thing.

OP YANBU. I too think that 6 is too young.

Vallhala · 11/01/2010 13:31

YANBU. My own DD2 has social and behavioural problems and I would feel exactly the same.

Bonsoir · 11/01/2010 13:33

Possibly, though I'm not convinced that being able to stay away from home is a huge issue for the boys in my DD's class. The really big difference between boys and girls at 5 seems to be their fine motor skills development (some boys just aren't there at all) and their ability to sit down, behave and concentrate in class.

Blackduck · 11/01/2010 13:39

Bottom line is you know your own child and the best judge. Pretty sure some parents in Ds's school didn't even give their children the choice, but unilaterally made the decision not to send them. Fine, that is their decision. I gave ds the choice and he said he didn't want to, and I was pissed off when I got cross examined by another parent - my child, my choice...plenty of time for trips away later.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 11/01/2010 13:45

At ours, the first residential trip with the school is in Year 6 which is how I first read this post. Age 6 is too young, come Year 6 it will be fabulous!

ZZZenAgain · 11/01/2010 13:47

I don't think there is any necessity for residential trips at 6 either. My dd's class had a week trip when they were 7 and I chose not to send her. That was the right decision for us. Two of the dc who went got badly homesick and had to be picked up by the parents. The rest seem to have been ok with it.

Carrotfly · 11/01/2010 13:51

My DS had a residential 2 night trip whilst he was in year 1.

I chose not to send him ( he wasnt so keen anyway, he was worried about wetting the bed) but I was in the minority, infact only 2 others stayed behind out of a class of 18.

3 years on he was more than ready for it.

Your child / your choice.

Morloth · 11/01/2010 13:52

I would hesitate to send DS on an overnight trip with school. He is 5.5 and of a completely feral independent nature but I don't think he would like it at all. It does seem a little young.

FimbleHobbs · 11/01/2010 13:56

My DS is nearly 5 and has been on one after school playdate which resulted in him sobbing after 45 minutes and me having to collect him. He doesn't want to do any after school clubs or go to any parties where I don't stay. I would LOVE to think that a year from now he would be ready for a residential school trip but I seriously doubt it. I would trust the school to look after him but I wouldn't expect him to be confident enough to go, iyswim.

I agree its very young. My first residential trip was when I was in 2nd year juniors (whatever that is now? Year 6?) and I loved it. I'd hate for my DC to have negative first experiences of residential trips and this seems like it could be setting them up for one.

megapixels · 11/01/2010 14:00

It would have been out of the question for dd when she was 6. No health or other problems either. She is 7.5 now but she wouldn't want to go now as well. I agree that residential trips are not necessary at this age.

thedollyridesout · 11/01/2010 14:19

My DS is 6 and whilst his fine motor skills, concentration and behaviour are all excellent, he would not wish to spend the night away from home. He wouldn't be in the slightest bit bothered if everyone else was doing it - he just wouldn't want to. DD on the other hand would probably have felt slightly torn on the issue at age 6. At age 8 however, there is no stopping her!

YANBU

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