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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to send my 6 year old on a residential school trip?

64 replies

coldtits · 11/01/2010 13:15

My 6 year old has a few behavioral and social problems. He's young for his age and I accept that may have been colouring my judgement.

Ds1's school are offering what sounds like a fun residential trip. It's morning until the NEXT afternoon, and apparently a lot of the children are looking forward to it.

Ds1 isn't going. Not a chance in Hell.

If he has an asthma attack in the middle of the nigh, neither he nor his 6-year-old-boy room-mates will know what to do. He would say he is fine with sharing a room but in reality my freak out at not having his own space.

And (and this is the AIBU part) he's 6. I don't think it['s necessary for the children to go residential when they are 6. What the hell is wrong with day trips? If it was a day trip, all the staff would be conscious nd I would let him go, totally. As it is, they don't have the same level of awareness as me and I don't trust them to sleep and be as aware as they may not even realise they need to be..

OP posts:

Buda · 11/01/2010 14:31

YANBU. DS's school start residental trips in Year 2 which means that although some children are 7, others (incl my DS) are only 6. He wanted to go but also didn;t want to go. In the end he didn't - and 2 of his best friends didn't go either. We did a camp-out in our garden for them all. Had a BBQ and then they all camped out in tents with their Dads.

In year 3 he was also very unsure as it was 2 nights. He went in the end and enjoyed it but both he and I would have been more comfortable with one night.

If you feel that he is not ready and has extra medical issues then don't send him.

AnyFucker · 11/01/2010 14:33

6 is too young, IMO

even without any health problems

thedollshouse · 11/01/2010 14:38

Ds is 5 and I think he would cope fine but I would be reluctant to send him as I don't see the point in residential trips at that age. It is too much too young. Lots of ds's friends are having sleepovers which means that they are no longer satisfied with a simple tea around a friends house. Why are we making children grow up so fast? I went on my first residential trip at 10 and I loved it, I had my own pocket money and bought presents for my family. It was great at 6 I would have been too young to appreciate it.

mattellie · 11/01/2010 16:05

DD went on her first residential trip at 7 (Brownies, not school) and was in a dormitory of six, but then she shared a bedroom at home with older DS at that time ? I can imagine it would be harder for a DC who was used to having a room to him/herself.

DD has Type 1 diabetes so we had to be confident that she could manage to do her own testing and injections before we agreed to let her go, and also that all the adults on the trip had at least some awareness of the condition.

DD loved it but DP and I spent the whole weekend in state of nervous exhaustion, verging on terror

You know your son best, coldtits, so if your instinct tells you that he?s too young, he probably is.

30andLurking · 11/01/2010 16:09

Awww. This makes me all sad for my DH, who got packed off to boarding school (termly, not weekly) when he was 7!

We won't be doing that...

TheCrackFox · 11/01/2010 16:09

6 yrs is too young.

belgo · 11/01/2010 16:10

I'm surprised to be in the minority on this thread.

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/01/2010 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WidowWadman · 11/01/2010 16:11

I darkly remember a sleepover at kindergarten when I was 5. Didn't do me any harm. Neither did the 3 week trip to summer camp in Austria age 7.

But I guess every child is different.

thirdname · 11/01/2010 16:14

ds went in y1. Some would still have been 5 y. All that went were fine (although 1 child went home for the night , preplanned arrangement, maybe an idea for you?).
The school does arrange other fun activities for the children that don't go on the trip.

seeker · 11/01/2010 16:16

This is quite normal for lots of schools in Continental Europe. I think it depends on the child - my dd found going away when she was in year 6 very hard - my ds would ahve gone and spent the night with the Child Catcher practically from birth.

The only think I would say is to let the child have some say in the decision - you know your child, but they do know themselves quite well too. And their teachers are trained and qualified to look after them, and wouldn't be going on the trip if they weren't the sort of people who enjoy spending time with 6 year olds!

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 11/01/2010 16:19

YANBU, dd is 6 with no health problems and I wouldn't send her and I let her sleep over at her/my friendshouse when she asked to at 3 and she did happily a few times.
As she has got older she has actually got a bit more fearful about things and a bit more of a home body though.
I'm not sure what the need for a residential trip this young is. What are they going to be doing?

mariedj · 11/01/2010 16:28

YANBU. I taught for one summer at a residential school and thought at the time I would never let my kids be away from home while so young. Some of them were fine, yes, but others unhappy and nervous. I won't let DD go until she is about 10.

belgo · 11/01/2010 16:31

Seeker - When my dh was 18 he was a scout leader and along with other 18 year old scout leaders would take groups of 6 and 7 year olds away for a few nights!

I'm not sure I'd have trusted an 18 year old with my dc!

stealthsquiggle · 11/01/2010 16:31

Aged 9, DS's school start taking them away for a week - working up to (I think) 6 weeks at 11-12 - but even they don't do overnight trips for the younger ones. It seems to me that in any class of 6yos there is likely to be at least one who might well not yet be reliably dry at night - how would they deal with that one?

stealthsquiggle · 11/01/2010 16:33

Come to think of it, even Beavers don't do overnight - they join the cubs for a very long day at camp but don't stay overnight.

OtterInaSkoda · 11/01/2010 16:42

coldtits have the school done this before? If they have I'd imagine they know what they're doing. I'd talk to parents with dc in the year above to see what their thoughts were and also mention concerns re asthma to your ds's teacher, before giving a definate "no".

Y1 or Y2 does seem rather young though.

Undercovamutha · 11/01/2010 16:48

I think 9 or 10 is a much more suitable age for overnight school trips. I remember going away overnight with School when I was 10 and it seemed like a BIG THING to stay overnight somewhere without my parents.

5Foot5 · 11/01/2010 17:00

Six sounds a bit young to me.

Most of the schools round here, including the one DD went to, started with a one night residential trip in Year 3 (i.e. about 8yo). Then in Year 4 they had a two-nighter. Finally in year 6 they were away for an activity week from Monday am to Friday pm.

I think DD would have coped with one night away at 6, since when she was 7 she had two nights away with the Brownies. However, I think many of her friends would have struggled.

5Foot5 · 11/01/2010 17:02

Correction to above - I am one year out!

I was Year 4 did 1 night
Year 5 did 2 nights
Year 6 did all week.

belgo · 11/01/2010 17:02

stealthquiggle - my dh said some of the six years olds were not dry at night - they seemed to cope with it fine.

Original poster

coldtits · 11/01/2010 17:03

My concern is that he has what so far seems to be a mild form of autism, and also adhd. He also has asthma and eczema.

Now, in a few years, he'll be nine, and he'll be sleeping in with other 9 year old boys. Hopefully, they would have the maturity to put up with him bouncing on the bed until he has an asthma attack, thn to get a teacher as he won't communicate his breathing difficulties.

Currently, he'd be in a room with other 6 year old boys, and I think it's too much to expec of 6 year olds not to simply watch and see what happens. By the time anyone notices him coughing it owuld be breakfast the next morning and he'd be in real trouble.

He's not organised enough to sort his own meds (I guess that's due to the ADHD) and isn't communicative enough to ensure he gets them 'as and when needed@.

On top of all that crap, he still wears pull ups to bed and doesn't have the social nouse not to tell everyone. The only reason he hasn't told everyone already is because his lack of mental organisation means he 'forgets' that he wears them the second he takes it off in the morning until I tell him to put one on again at night. Howevver, changing in a room with other boys, he would either forget he wears one and wet the bed, or everyone would see and (knowing 6 year old general emotional maturity level) would take the piss quite badly.

All this is very specific to my son though.

OP posts:

Original poster

coldtits · 11/01/2010 17:06

And no, the schoolhaven't done this before but they are VARY good with children who have special needs, usually.

I just think it will be too much for him to cope with. I have to prompt him through every stage of his bedtime and moring routines, I simply cannot imagine what would happen if nobody was there doing that. Having seen the chaos that is school swimming, and having to be there to sort that out for him (the inhalers, the cream, the dressing himself and drying himself, which he still can't do without constant prompting) =- I KNOW that if I wasn't there he's just stand there and fiddle with the straps on his shoes until everyone else was ready and the teacher was cross.

OP posts:

OtterInaSkoda · 11/01/2010 17:09

In that case coldtits - YANBU.

upafrozenhill · 11/01/2010 17:09

My DSs started going on residentials for week when they were 7. The fisrt DS was 7 and 2 days and the other ws 7 and 8 months and they loved it and went every year since and are planning this years residential where they will be away for two weeks.

BUT Coldits you know what is best for your child. What is good for one is not good for another. It's up to you to make that decision and by the sound of it you already have.

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