My child is afraid of dogs - any tips?

[longforasnooze]

Hi, my nearly 4 year old has been afraid of dogs for as long as I can remember, though he has never had a bad experience, and certainly we are not fearful so no nervousness from me. He would cross the road when he saw one coming, leap into my arms if one got close and make a lot of fuss. Any kind or size of dog, doesn't matter, he panics. I know fear is irrational but....no reasoning will placate him.
My partner wanted a dog for his birthday and has always wanted one and we felt my son was now old enough to cope, and we decided to get a puppy so it would be totally unthreatening. We reasoned that once the unknown element was gone he would warm to it and think it was fun.
We are now 4 days into him being at home, he is a gentle and quiet little dog and very curious about the children. The baby doesn't care, but there is no improvement in my 4 year old, who will barely be in the same room as it, climbs up to the highest point from it if he is, and is generally being panicky and squealy. We have confined it to the kitchen so he feels safe in 'his' spaces, offered endless rewards for stroking it, or being friendly, struggling to find behaviour towards it we can praise, reasoned on all logical fronts, watched Scooby Doo!!
Does anyone have any experience of helping their child through their fear of dogs so they can become friends. I would hate the dog to get older, see his fear and then think he was the boss. Any helpful hints greatly appreciated.

[claw3]

Rueben, no need to apologise for posting, its a discussion board and thats exactly what we have done, discussed. Really wasnt intended as a dig at you or your IL's.

[lucyellensmumagain]

yes i didnt mean to uposet you either

[muddleduck]

I was like this as a child - I wouldn't let my feet touch the floor if our new puppy was in the room
I grew out of it pretty quickly.

FWIW I wouldn't go the route of excessive praise, just carry on as though the dog is a perfectly normal part of life, no big fuss..

[ruebenjames]

Thankyou

[claw3]

Personally i wouldnt have got one, if my child had a fear of dogs and would have tried to overcome the fear more gradually rather having to face it 24/7.

But the dog is there now, so just trying to be as helpful as poss, given the circumstances.

[Acanthus]

I'm sure the lad will get over it as long as he is encouraged to do so. The puppy will just become part of normal life, surely.

[claw3]

Acanthus, my ds has a water phobia, getting a puppy is a bit like throwing my ds in at the deep end! Could make his fear worse.

[midori1999]

I don't think it is selfish or bizarre behaviour. This child is going to have to see dogs in every day life, some of which might come unavoidably close to him. Whilst I don't think getting a puppy was the best solution, the puppy is there now, and it is perfectly possible to manage a puppy and a child that is afraid without scaring the child.

[Vallhala]

Lucy has some excellent advice. well worth following. Whatever you do, please don't put the dog in another room when DS starts making a fuss about him, it's one of the worse things you could do. The dog may well learn that DS is a "threat" insofar as whenever he's around/makes squealling noises etc, the dog is banished to the kitchen. NOT a good idea.

I feel it would help you to teach DS that making a fuss about the dog doesn't get the dog removed from his sight despite his demands in the same way that you wouldn't give in to a dog begging at the table (oh, okay, I would, but most people would tell a dog to leave the dining room!). That way the dog doesn't view DS as something to be wary of/disliked, and you can then work on asking DS to help with feeding/grooming the pup or whatever.

[longforasnooze]

Thanks for all your messages. We have made some progress today, he just came in the kitchen with us and the dog who was on the sofa, gave it one of its toys carefully, which I praised big time, then pulled up a chair to sit with us. Let himself in and out of the room without fuss and has twice been to the door to call the dog to him. This actually is a big leap forward. Little steps. Next thing might be to let him feed him as you suggested. WE talked about being friends in Scooby Doo and choose and character to be. You're right about the sharp teeth, I am trying to discourage the dog from going for hands, and offering a toy every time. And yes I have noticed he is finding his feet fast and shoes are constantly being confiscated.
We did tell him he has to be confident and in charge with him. We'll get there, he's an exhuberant boy by nature, so he'll find him fun eventually, though his boundy nature will no doubt make the dog very excited, so they'll both have to learn to control themselves! I think this is a big thing for him though so perhaps we were expecting too much too soon.

[claw3]

Thesecond, the op does state that it was discussed with her dp and they feel it will help their ds overcome his fear.

Im a bit skeptical, as it doesnt seem they have put a lot of thought into how to do this, before getting a puppy.

Still i suppose its whether you are from the facing your fears head on or doing it gradually school of thought.

Anyhow whether they should have got a puppy or not is a bit counter productive, as puppy is there now.

[longforasnooze]

Perhaps you cold talk directly to me if you think I am selfish and bizarre! I asked for help not a diatribe.

[claw3]

Longforasnooze, letting the dog up onto the sofa is a bad idea too! Makes the dog feel like pack leader.

Still im no dog whisperer! Glad youve made progress and good luck.

[longforasnooze]

The dog is partly contained in the kitchen to avoid him stealing much loved toys and as he is not yet house trained it's nice to contain the accidents to a non carpeted floor. though I agree perhaps it is better to just let him wander in the long term.
We have given this plenty of thought, and avoided getting a dog for a couple of years actually as I felt it would have otherwise been unfair and he is now old enough not to be knocked over. He has been having gentle interactions with his Granpa's first very old dog and then the younger one too. Though I am not sure why I am defending myself. I would just like to say you don't run your life around your child's childhood fears, particularly ones that are unrealistic. When he gets over his fear it will be nice to be able to take him out without him making such a fuss every time we pass a dog which in our village is at least twice an outing!

[dreamingofsun]

longfor geting a dog was the best thing we ever did. i have 3 boys and the dog and they love each other to bits. they play fight, sleep together when we camp and the dog sits by the door at 4pm waiting for them to come home from school. unless your child has a real phobia, which doesn't look to be the case, i'm sure he will quickly see the huge amount of fun he is going to have. is there somewhere you can take it that it will get cooed over big time? not only will this help socialise it - it will re-inforce what a good thing it is to your son?

[Vallhala]

Good for you longforasnooze!

My DD was the same with pigs as a toddler. Don't ask me why, both DC were brought up with dogs and cats and farm/zoo animals from birth, but she hated them with a passion and used to throw a wobbly when she met them!

My response was not to give in to her demands to be taken out of the pig enclosure at the farm (or remove them, which would have been pretty difficult!). It didn't take long before DD1 realised that I was the one in charge and not her and that the pigs were no threat.

DD1 is now nearly 15 and aiming at becoming a vet.... in a large animal practice!

[longforasnooze]

Thank you dreaming, this is what I am hoping for, and will happen eventually. Good to hear. Certainly the baby is not bothered and will ths grow up happily with him. I am hoping to send him to nursery with a picture this week weather permitting, and that enthusiasm from other playmates will help make him think it's cool.

[longforasnooze]

Valhalla, how bizarre, a pig phobia, they do snortly suffle a bit I suppose, thinking about it, when I met Grandpas pigs for the first time a few months back I wasn't overly comfortable with them!! Brilliant that she is now wanting to be a vet. I think it's very empowering to conquor a fear, and I think your daughter is sort of proof of that. Thanks

[midori1999]

"Longforasnooze, letting the dog up onto the sofa is a bad idea too! Makes the dog feel like pack leader."



No it doesn't, what 'pack' is the dog going to be leader of? there is only one dog in the house... It teaches the dog that it is allowed on the sofa, that is all.

Longforasnooze, I would suggest though, that if you are happy for your dog to be on the sofa, you ensure it is on your terms as it makes things easier in the long run. I usually use the 'NILIF' principle for my dogs (Nothing in Life Is Free) for everything, so if they want their dinner, they have to sit for it, if they want a walk, they have to sit whilst their lead is put on etc...

You might find these links useful Longforasnooze:

k9deb.com/nilif.htm

This one will help with the puppy biting:

www.tristateweimrescue.org/information/info_dog_bite.html

Also, the book 'The Perfect Puppy' by Gwen Bailey is excellent and covers pretty much all you need to know.

[longforasnooze]

ooo, thanks Midori, will check those out.

He can't get on and off the sofa by himself at the moment, so it's definitely on our terms for now, but will be sure to keep it that way thanks.
My partner has had dogs forever, and has established himself as 'leader', and is kind of handling the dog mostly as he works from home and I've got kids to concentrate on.
There could be an urban pack somewhere which has a head honcho with a sofa, dogs these days!
Thanks for the links

[claw3]

Midori, unfortunately dogs, dont know that they are dogs and we are humans!

Dogs are pack animals and when they join your family, in the dogs eyes they are joining a 'pack' and the 'heirachy' that comes with it.

Most dogs are naturally submissive because they rely on you for food, making you pack leader. Letting a dog, get up with you on the settee, makes him/her equal to you and to some dogs this causes confusion as to who is in charge.

Thats my understanding of it anyway, but as i said im no dog whisperer!

My friend had a dog who was allowed on the settee and he would go for her husband whenever he tried to sit on it. She was told firstly not to let her dog on the settee and to let her husband, put his food down and then take it away again, to make it clear to the dog that he was above the dog in the pecking order.

[iggypiggy]

Ah midori beat me to it - was also going to say letting the dog on the sofa DOES NOT teach them they are pack leader.

Also recommend Gwen Bailey's perfect puppy book.

My dog is allowed on the sofa with my permission - he asks to be let up - and I give him either a yes or a no - depending on whether I have company or not! Saem for coming upstairs - he won't come upstairs without permission.

[googietheegg]

I was terrified of dogs until very recently and I would have been mortified if my parents got a dog.

TBH I think that's really selfish. YOu didn't need to get one.