My child is afraid of dogs - any tips?

[longforasnooze]

Hi, my nearly 4 year old has been afraid of dogs for as long as I can remember, though he has never had a bad experience, and certainly we are not fearful so no nervousness from me. He would cross the road when he saw one coming, leap into my arms if one got close and make a lot of fuss. Any kind or size of dog, doesn't matter, he panics. I know fear is irrational but....no reasoning will placate him.
My partner wanted a dog for his birthday and has always wanted one and we felt my son was now old enough to cope, and we decided to get a puppy so it would be totally unthreatening. We reasoned that once the unknown element was gone he would warm to it and think it was fun.
We are now 4 days into him being at home, he is a gentle and quiet little dog and very curious about the children. The baby doesn't care, but there is no improvement in my 4 year old, who will barely be in the same room as it, climbs up to the highest point from it if he is, and is generally being panicky and squealy. We have confined it to the kitchen so he feels safe in 'his' spaces, offered endless rewards for stroking it, or being friendly, struggling to find behaviour towards it we can praise, reasoned on all logical fronts, watched Scooby Doo!!
Does anyone have any experience of helping their child through their fear of dogs so they can become friends. I would hate the dog to get older, see his fear and then think he was the boss. Any helpful hints greatly appreciated.

[EdgarAllenSnow]

it is really likely we know some of the same people..i was there 2001/2...and there are those people everyone knows...

i think i quickly realised (working with the worlds cutest children! - my god weren't they smaller than mine..) i wanted to spawn, and wasn't going to meet a fellow spawner there.

Indonesia - just toured for a few weeks, but there were some great places outside the obvious tourist traps, which were ravaged by sudden poverty in the wake of the bali bombings. Never enough time.

[longforasnooze]

Oooo Grandma Nitti's brilliant. I do not recall a place with dinosaurs, but I've been reminiscing with friends a lot lately and all sorts of things have come up that a don't remember, there was just so much going on.

Shhhh, one of the reasons I left was those very eternal childhoods you describe, it got a little painful. I know two girls who are still there after 8 years, that's tenacity.

I would love to go back, and to Indonesia, and take my children, but truth is now we have children when will we ever have money again, it'll be even worse when they are grown up. By the time we get there Taipei 101 will be low rise!!

[EdgarAllenSnow]

i went back on holiday end of 2005 to find all the usual suspects in 45s of a friday...living the eternal childhood possible for expat boys. 99s had had some kind of makeover, with big screens and less dinginess. Grandma nittis was the same as ever.........yummy. do you remember the place with enormous plastic dinosaurs? i couldn't find it again...

i loved hualien - the chihpen hot springs and ahhhhh walking up to lotus lake damn near killed me!

we drove to the gorge once with some tawanese friends...>emoticon of extreme fear< the coast road wa....erm..interesting!

wow.

living out in the sticks would have been nice - i used to visit a mate who lived in a 22-storey building neighbouring virgin forest - the view was fabtastic -

so much i never explored...i have to go back when the kidshave grown up! why do they take so long...

[longforasnooze]

Yes, the walk of Shane - Well what Brit didn't work for those treasures. Had a whale of a time too when I moved on from them.

DV8 had a downstairs yes with a pool table and lots of writing all over it. ~It's such a haze now I can't remember some places. They'd just demolished half of 45s when I got there I think.

I lived up in the mountains behind Shindian the last year and whirled down to work on my Suzuki at break neck pace every morning, there is seriously not a better way in the world to start your day, no wonder I was ready for those kids!

I had a great time, so much freedom, chaos, great people, trips to Hualian and Kenting but I was ready to go, it was time, 1 weeks holiday a year, stinky tofu, pigs being torched in side alleys...I think you lose all sense of reality if you don't move on....but I do miss it often.

[EdgarAllenSnow]

45s was a larger place on Roosevelt, until half of it (the pool room) was demolished. To make way for more parking, Just like Joni said...

yes i worked for shame Shane!

Dv8 -i really liked DV8. was that the multi-split-level bar? fark. i know i went to DV8s, but am just not sure which one it was...and my brother has twocced my Taiwan guide. And there was that RnB club...was that DV8? i think it must have been.>grizzled old ex-expat gets misty<

scooters..i travelled to work on the back of my mates -never told my mum she'd have had a fit!

24 hour booze, food, living in the shadow of the worlds talest building, and such great times. why the buggery hell did i come back?

[longforasnooze]

Was 45's that little place on Roosevelt, or was 45's that late night pit where you always got beer poured all over you?
If it was that little place, you must have worked for Shane?!

[longforasnooze]

I crave my scooter, a session at DV8, back on my scooter, and maybe a tapanaki, or however you spell that. I never went in for the dumplings, and particularly not the tea eggs and fluffy meat bread!!
I miss that freedom, mixed with a little adrenalin and the chance to nuke giant bugs.
Vivid flashbacks, good times.
We'd better stop, it's making me feel old!

[EdgarAllenSnow]

thinking of it is making me crave a jug of beer at '45s, a bop at Roxy's and a drunken breakfast of fried dumplings (yeah, even from 7-11 microwave section). you just can't get dumplings like that here...Wagamama do something similar but it's just not the same...

and then getting one of those super-toxic bug bombs from Welcome and nuking my humble residence so that every living thing in there perishes.

[longforasnooze]

I know, those flying ones, those really were the limit to my ability to be brave! Especially in my little Japanese style bedroom. Ripped those delicate little doors open at lightening speed and fled if one of those appeared.

I was a bleach fan myself. Found a tactic of spraying stuff all round the edges of a room then I'd come in to find them on their backs helpless as they should be.

Thanks for the support EAS, but think we'd better move on, it all got a little bit roll your sleeves up last night and don't want to go back there. There needs to be a nice debate going on on AIBU for us all to get on, any ideas?

[EdgarAllenSnow]

was about the child offering the puppy his toy, ImSoNotTelling. This wasn't a case of cheerful friendship overtures -- seemed to me more a case of the DS knowing he's the lowest rung on the ladder and making a peace offering to the creature who is ahead of him

could there be any nice reason to post this completely deliberate and unpleasant misreading of this action?

personally i think as soon as you start making 'i feel sorry for her (well loved, fed and happy) dcs' noises you are basically saying 'i have lost the argument' because if you had a good argument, you'd have used it.

[EdgarAllenSnow]

those big ol' cockroaches that used to be in my flat in Taiwan, that came out of nowhere, no thanks

ah mate...those are horrible -

i am normally of the 'live and let live' view but nothing short of death is suffucient for the taiwanese super-roach. espcially in flying season ewwwwww.........

why does it take half a can of raid to kill one??

i recognise this is irrational. they aren't going to kill me. no way.....

[claw3]

ha ha! I get the feeling the group hug might turn into a bit of riot, best we dont!

[longforasnooze]

well you know those mass things that get organised where everyone meets at an agreed place and time to dance or something. I suppose it's not out of the question for those of us in a need of a group hug to meet and huddle like penguins somewhere!

[claw3]

Longfor, he he, i was thinking more along the lines of group hug, i suppose thats out of the question!

[longforasnooze]

Before I dig a hole for my bone.
Tried, not as funny as you Claw....some people just have it.

[longforasnooze]

Ha, yes, I was about to let it go, then Someone came on with loads to say! Can you delete them? Perhaps it's best if I do!

[claw3]

This thread is like a dog with a bone.......let it go!

Oh i crack myself up sometimes.

[dreamingofsun]

longs for - is this thread still running! has someone mentioned the pets area? might be best to post there in future as i think you will find lot of dog experts with really good advice, rather than people who are having a bad day and feel like taking it out on someone

[lucyellensmumagain]

Is your dog a boy or a girl? only its a bit weird you calling it and it!

[longforasnooze]

Thanks UDH, interesting
MA - apologies for any offence caused, this is clearly way too personal and sensitive a subject for this forum. Everyone gets defensive re their own children/parents. I really think that should be an end to this.
I acknowledge with hind sight, a wonderful thing that it wasn't a great decision, and my sons fears were bigger than I had thought, though now we are possibly making a problem, since he gets so much individual attention for being scared of the dog.
We'll get there, it'll take a while, he's calmed down a lot, and agreed to stroke him wrapped in a towel, it's his unpredictablity he hates.
UDH any top tips on things you did with yor girls? My son now says 'No' to it, and he goes away which he finds reassuring.

[mathanxiety]

Lucyellensmumagain, I never, ever said the OP didn't love her son. Ever. I said she was insensitive, and there's a big difference. I even said I think things will work out with the puppy. I think it would be lovely for the child and for the puppy to grow together. I have very fond memories of dogs from my childhood, apart from one who gave me a bite (which was my own fault).

'Have you checked your children aren't off bullying people on FB?'

How am I twisting this? These are the OP's exact words. They came completely out of the blue, and I am still gobsmacked, tbh.

The point where the OP started getting defensive was somewhere way back on day one.

[UndomesticHousewife]

Also, yes to him his fear is real, he's too young to know the difference between rational and irrational fear. But as the grown up and the parent (assuming we're of rational mind) we know the difference between those fears and it's up to us to help our children realise the difference and to help them overcome the irrational fear.
There may be something to fear with some dogs, but definitely not all and he is old enough to understand reason if done in the right way.

Having a dog is the ideal way to teach him a respect of animals and how to behave around them so they don't turn into a threat.

It will be fine in the end, you're right to be concerned about how to handle this but done in teh right way, it will be fine

[UndomesticHousewife]

Fwiw, I really wanted a dog which is why we got one. Had the dc's been scared of dogs I probably would have done what i could to get them more used to dogs as I wanted a dog, and I also know how much pleasure they would get out of having a dog in the family.

You haven't done the worst thing in the world, all you've done is get a puppy. And I'm sure your ds will not only get used to your dog but will love the dog and develop a special relationship with the dog. (Try and train the dog well so it does what it's asked because then they really are a joy to have around, no stress of naughty dogs).

I do think that anyone, even a child, has to confront their fears to a certain extent in order to overcome them.
I wouldn't throw someone into the deep end if they were afraid of water, but they do need to step into the water to realise that there's nothing to fear and eventually they will need to tackle the deep end.
To not go into the water ever will only reinforce that water is to be feared.

And I don't think your ds will be scarred by this, unless you constatnly ignore him and laugh at him - he will know he's loved and valued.

[UndomesticHousewife]

When we got our dog the girls were 3 and 4, they were very excited we talked about it, what name we would give it, they came with us to pick it up - as soonas we got the puppy home they became terrified!!!

The first morning I was saying to dh that we'd have to get rid of the dog as the dc's wouldn't even get out of bed in case the dog got them.

Dh said give it a few days they'll get used to it, and they did after just a few days.
Our dog is a lab so even as a puppy she was quite big, and she'd jump up at the dd's and they'd scream like they were being murdered. The dog very quickly learned not to jump, and from then on has never jumped up at a child.

Dd2 absolutely loves our dog (as do the others) but she's afraid of all other dogs and even cats. Probably because she's used to our dog and knows she'd never hurt her.

So, although I probably wouldn't have got the dog had they been scared before, it will just take time for your ds to get used to the dog and realise that it won't harm him. The dog is there now and it's early days, and if as you say he is getting better, you may be surprised at teh progress he'll make (I hope!!).

[lucyellensmumagain]

midori, i just would like to pick up on what you said about irrational fears. You are right, to a degree - however, if i were walking in the jungle (as if!) and i encountered a snake, id be pretty bloody scared, because i wouldn't know if it were safe or not. As a child, we have not yet learnt what can harm us or not - so there is a theory of "inherited memory" or instincts - so it is hardwired in us almost, to be afraid of things that slither across the floor with no legs, and things that scuttle accross the floor with eight legs etc etc. Saying that, ive never been scared of snakes and have kept snakes and i was never scared of spiders until my mother made me scared of them due to her fear. Its the same as animals, they are naturally afraid of predetors, they don't learn this fear, its innate - however, there was a program on the tv recently that i missed where a new species was discovered miles from anywhere, some sort of bird i think and they displayed no fear of the humans, give it several generations and this may change? when i say several, probably hundreds. Thats just my musing on that subject anyways.

mathsanxiety Im really sorry but i do think you are being unfair to the OP, you are quoting but you are twisting the meanings.

I dont neccesarily think that getting a dog was the best idea in the world, but it certainly doesn't mean that she doesn't love her son. I do think you have made your point of view very clear and you are in danger of "picking on" the OP.

Longingfor - i think you should call a halt to this thread now - don't get dragged back in because you are getting defensive and its not helping your cause.

And that is all i have to say about that