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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miffed that I was called a bad mum because....

78 replies

MsSpentYoof · 09/01/2010 22:21

I 'let' my son get jaundice

This is what a 'friend' said to me (after he was trying to tell me the guy I am seeing with cheat on me simply because he isn't him )

This actually happened a few days ago but I am still miffed about it... any of my MN FB friends probably saw this on my profile (he is now deleted, although the thread remains)

I am pretty sure I ANBU because I am pretty sure there was nothing I could do to stop DS being born with Jaundice...?

His reasoning was that I should have 'gone out' more when I was PG, apart from the fact that DS was born in winter so the amount of sun I would have got would have been limited, and I did go out at least once daily until I wasn't even able to make it up the stairs due to really bad SPD.

So AIBU, or is he a fuckwit?

OP posts:
oldspeckledtam · 10/01/2010 20:26

He's a twit.

Both mine had jaundice, both born vaginally, one ds one dd. Ds was worse... I did have one of the ward cleaners ask me if Daddy was a black man

Irons · 10/01/2010 20:45

He doesn't know what he is talking about.

Got this info from NHS website: Neonatal jaundice is common with around 50% of all newborn babies being affected. It often occurs as a result of the baby?s liver not being fully developed, which means that it is unable to deal with bilirubin.

My dd had jaundice too.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 10/01/2010 20:46

What a knob!

DD had quite bad jaundice due to a whacking huge bruise on her head (from spending the last 40mins of labour headbutting my pelvis) It's caused by the breakdown of red blood cells and the by-products not being got rid of quickly enough, so in a way, DD's jaundice was good as it meant the bruise was going.

Miggsie · 10/01/2010 20:50

Well, even if you are a bad mother, he is a bloody awful friend and horrid human being.

So you win the moral argument there.

Janos · 10/01/2010 20:52

Hell, if being a bad mother gives your kids jaundice then an awful lot of us are bad mothers.

In summary, he's a complete NOB.

KimiLivesInStarbucks · 10/01/2010 20:57

He is a fuckwit

ILovePlayingDarts · 10/01/2010 20:58

Imsonottelling,

Mothers who need the anti D jab need it because their own blood group is negative, and the baby's blood group is positive. If you don't have an antiD jab after giving birth, you could develop antibodies to the positive blood of the baby, which can lead to problems if you get pregnant again. I have to have the antiD jab as both my dcs are positive, and I'm not.

Lovecat · 10/01/2010 21:09

lmao @ chegirl - I was telling the nurses that I thought DD was jaundiced (she was bright orange) and they were more or less going 'silly girl, what do you know' at me, I finally got to see the (Asian) doctor and first thing he said was 'Where are you from?'

I, in a fug of hormones and sleep deprivation said 'Ilford'.

Dr: No, no, where are you originally from?

Me: Um... Merseyside?

Dr: No, no, where did your parents come from?

Me (finally cottoning on): I'm white English. Via Ireland.

Dr: So your husband, is he black, asian, where is he from?

Me: He's white too. English and Austrian parentage, if that makes a difference, why are you asking me this??

Dr (embarrassed): Oh, it's just that mixed race children are often mistaken as having jaundice when they're born. And you are very dark... (I have olive skin and dark hair)

Me: No, she's definitely white.

Dr (adopting 'you bad mother' tone): She has terrible jaundice!! She must have heat treatment immediately!

Gaaaah......

frankiecat · 10/01/2010 21:16

wot a nob

LadyGooGoo · 10/01/2010 21:30

Excellent example of

Fuck

Witt

Ery

MissMoopy · 10/01/2010 22:17

He is not your friend. He is a twat.

MadamDeathstare · 11/01/2010 01:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gtamom · 11/01/2010 08:15

YNBU
My son was jaundiced as well, because of a genetic blood disorder, nothing to do with sunshine!

Starbear · 11/01/2010 08:24

chegirl I'm mixed race and my son had jaundice!!!!! My baby brother was put in an incubator until my Dad arrived (he was away on business) The nurse took him out & blushed, then told my Mum off for not telling them!

gtamom · 11/01/2010 08:40

PurpleCrazyHorse's post reminded me, ds also had a large bruise on the top of his head and I was told that made the jaundice worse. At the time we did not even know he had a blood disorder.

ginormoboobs · 11/01/2010 11:08

Lol , he sounds special.
DD had jaundice. She was fantastically yellow. DS had it slightly but it cleared up in a few days.
DD was born by ventouse after getting very stuck. she did have a bruise on her head. I didn't know about the connection between bruising and jaundice.
Totally due to my bad parenting of course. What sort of mother doesn't have a daily sunbed session at the end of pregnancy , I failed her by being pasty

mrmellors · 11/01/2010 11:24

DS1 looked like George Hamilton on day 2 and Dale Winton by day 3. Clearly I let him get a little too much sun .

lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 11:35

chegirl that made me giggle about your mixed race bairns

When i had DD1 i was a single parent of only 19, oh, thats seems like long long ago - anyway, she was really quite jaundiced. To be fair, im a quarter spanish so most babies in our family fairly olive skinned. Anyway, they decided to give her a blood test to decided if they felt she needed the uv lamp. She didn't, and i think the doc was a bit surprised as she did look quite dark - i just remember the nurse trying very diplomatically to say, well of course, it could be that there is darker skin in her family - i know what she was saying though - it was just funny even 20 years ago watching her struggling to be PC. Saying that, my mother has a medical condition and she is black because of it, so maybe she thought that - anyway, it was funny.

ROTFL at OPs "friend" as everyone else has said - fuckwit!

coldtits · 11/01/2010 12:51

On the flip side, many many people in the hospital and outside admired ds1's beautiful olive skin and Roman features - untilI explained that his dad's a ginger half Welshman, and the swelling on his face went down.

He soon looked like a pasty faced little caucasian pudding, just like everyone else in my family.

PeachyWillNeverVoteBNP · 11/01/2010 12:59

Chegirl that did makemelaugh,DH isnt black (he has darkish skin tone / hair / eyesand uncertain ancestry) but he is darkish and every baby clinic visitwith ds3 has seen me toldofgetting him a tan.

'Course the man's a nutterwith no idea,sounds like he can't tell difference between jaundice and vit d deficiency ( and then added in his own drop of fantasy for good measure (prenatal prevention?)

chegirlsgotheartburn · 11/01/2010 21:21

Bit at how often these things happen!

All those little mixed race babies being shoved under sunlamps 'because they look a bit dark'

I think I will get a teeshirt printed before this one is born. Any suggestions for logo?

lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 22:48

"is it cos i is black?" of is that a bit too much

twinmam · 11/01/2010 23:01

Still giggling at Chegirl's 'jaundiced' babies. When my DD's were born I was pleased that they'd inherited my Nana's lovely olive complexion (DH and I are both quite fair skinned). Turns out they were both really badly jaundiced and there was me wittering on for ages about how 'nice and healthy' they looked. They were prem and I had pre-eclampsia and cholestasis which might have made them more likely to get jaundice, I think....

Pixel · 12/01/2010 00:01

Dd had jaundice. They told me at the hospital that it was because of the bruising on her head caused by the ventouse.

JenPanda · 31/10/2019 19:18

Has anyone’s little one had jaundice when they were born. We have been on neo natal a week and my little one is still receiving treatment. It seems like the end is in sight then he has to go back on photo therapy. I’m so tired, just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar?

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