to think thank CHRIST I am not having a proper wedding?

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Getting married. Register office.

Me, dp, dd and dstepson (they will be witnesses).

Traipse off for a lunch afterwards and a drink.

Bugger off for a long weekend (holiday later in year with dd).

Clothes - DP will wear a suit he already owns, I will buy a frock one saturday from a normal shop with NORMAL shopkeepers (not the loons which inhabit bridal shops), dd and dstepson will wear what they like.

Food and drink - whatever we want on the day. No agonising over pan fried chicken with timbales of rice with a selection of seasonable vegetables crappy catering choices which will cost £3000 or so. We will drink nice champagne because there are only few of us and we don't have to supply for hundreds.

NO bridal favours

NO bridesmaids

NO hand wringing over inviting babies to the wedding

NO floral arangements

NO cake

NO fretting over venue and booking of.

NO crappy disco playing hits from Status Quo or whatev.

NO fuss.

Family and friend and will be fine when we tell them afterwards what we have done.

I cannot imagine holding a 'proper' wedding and would never desire to.

Good for you if thats what you want. Personally I think its a bit of a shame you're not inviting more people to witness this special event, but if it makes you happy then thats great.

Sounds absolutely lovely - a big do with a meringue frock is not a "proper" wedding, "proper" is anything you want it to be. My wedding was at a small restaurant licensed for weddings - we had the whole place to ourselves, lovely meal, photos outside by the stream (we had enough friends with decent cameras that we didn't hire a photographer, just got copies of all their pics). DH wore a new ordinary suit, I bought a dress from Debenhams "debut" range, smart cream with a bit of beading, was about £80 (2001). DD1 had a pretty dress from Monsoon. Guests were just immediate family and a few close friends. 3 nights in Bath for honeymoon - it felt so special, still makes me smile now.

"It is the BRIDE and GROOM's day. Everybody else comes along to celebrate the day with them. As Lou says, without them there would be no wedding"

PMSL you sound totally unhinged.

Just because it is their wedding doesn't mean it is their DAY.

The bride and groom these days are usually hosting the wedding as well as getting married. That means the needs and wishes of their guests are just as important as their own wishes.

Unless they are mental assholes who think that you get your own special day for doing whatever you want.

"you seem to think that people should tailor their wedding to suit their guests, or something"......................................................I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

oh my goodness - well that in a nutshell is why 'proper' weddings are awful.

GetOrfMoiLand, we had a wedding like yours but in a way,I wish I had more pomp and ceremony. I'd have liked the small white dress and veil blah blah in hindsight....

GOML - sounds a bit like my wedding! Well actually there were about 30 of us altogether (close family and best friends). Register office, then a restaurant nearby for lunch. Was a small place so we had it to ourselves which was nice. I got my dress from a local shop, was £50 - a short pale gold plainish dress and my sister lent me a gold wrap (my "something borrowed").

I couldn't be bothered with all the stress and agonising over the whole big day thing, just wanted to get our nearest and dearest all together to celebrate and have a lovely day.

I hope you have a fabulous day too

"Though I do wonder, If you hate the idea of a wedding so much why bother at all?"

Because we wanted a marriage.

Yes I think that's the point - people who go to the registry office want the marriage more than the wedding day itself. they aren't bogged down with details such as the colour of table linen, or whether so and so is wearing the correct colour to match the colour scheme of the wedding day. these are all materialistic things that don't matter when it comes down to it really, the marriage certificate is what it's all about.

Good for you. We had a really low key, personal day and I have never regretted it at all.
Gorgeous dress but actually a bridesmaids dress, dh wore a nice suit (and looked gorgeous), no best man/bridesmaids, registry office with 50 guests.
Friend borrowed her dad's merc
Another friend made a cake
Another friend made the invites
Another friend took the pics
Another friend made me a bouquet - no other flowers.
Me and dh did a quick speech each to thank folk.
Otherwise big piss up, big barbeque and loads of dancing! Only thing we spent money o really was food and drink!
Brilliant brilliant day!!!

"You seem to think people should tailor their wedding to suit their guests, or something."

Um, of course they should. That's what being a good host is all about.

People spend time and money to attend weddings, often travelling quite long distances to get there and staying away from home. They do that for you, because you have invited them to be a part of your day.

Of course you should make sure your wedding suits them.

That doesn't mean consulting them about the colour of flowers, but it does mean planning a day that they are likely to enjoy.

e.g. not leaving people sitting around for 3 hours with nothing to do while you go off and get photos taken, not choosing a menu that your 90 year old Granny will find alienating even though you and your husband love a fiery curry, letting your teenage cousin bring a friend at short notice because she's at a bit of an awkward stage.

Basically treating your guests with love, and patience and kindness and not acting as though they are there as the supporting extras on the day when you are the most important person in the world.

"these are all materialistic things that don't matter when it comes down to it really, the marriage certificate is what it's all about."

I don't give a fuck about a marriage certificate. I don't even have one as I couldn't be arsed paying for it since I didn't need it for anything.

What mattered to me was the public declaration of love and intention to become a family. That can happen in a registry office, but it can happen just as well anywhere.

Either way I wanted the presence of the people I loved. It wouldn't have felt the same for me to make my vows in front of two strangers picked off the street.

It's not materialistic to want people you love around you on an important occasion. Nor is it materialistic to plan a party to celebrate with those people once the important bit of the day is over.

Surely having a very small wedding has as much potential for upset as a large wedding. Just in a different way.

Large wedding or small wedding or medium wedding, there is still a preference being exercised. No one way is "better" than another, just more suited to the couple getting married.

I have seen plenty of threads on here where people are having very small weddings and there is loads of emotional hooha. Down to the people involved not the type of wedding IMO. Some people will always find something to get in a pickle/strop about.

hehehe!
we did what you are doing.
i did hire a frock which wasnt expensive.
Dh wore his interveiw suit!
Told everyone the week before, just said to them "what you dong next Friday, fancy coming to the reg office?"
place was packed out!

went to pub and my dad paid for luch for about 15 people, we borrowed a car and met all our friends in the pub for a drink at night.

Was lush day.

We were skint, just bought our house which needed to be done up from top to bottom.

my family are awful for fallings out, but they didnt have time to be arsy with me or each other so it was fine!
Good luck, i agree, i am SO glad i didnt do it the way that lots of people chose to do it. suited me and dh fine.
Been married for 10 years this year

It's your wedding so do what you will enjoy.

DH and I got married last year in a registry office with our 3DCs and 2 witnesses. We then went to Piza Express for lunch and then home. We all had a great day. We told our families the next day that we had got married and they were just happy that we were happy.

Thanks everyone for lovely messages

I think I used to wrong word when I said proper - I think I should have said formal or traditional as that describes better what I meant to say.

Just to reiterate I am not meaning this as a slag off of traditional weddings. I know that bid weddings make a lot of people very happy, it is not emphatically not for me.

We are getting married in May.

Actually I think I will have to plan again as I have discovered (as someone has kindly pointed out above) that witnesses have to be over 18. Which means dd (14) can't be a witness, so will either have to invite someone else or pick a randomer up off the street. Which will mean a bit of a rethink. God knows why I didn't think of this.

See - how would I be able to do the myriad plans a bride would need to do for a traditional wedding - table plans, sending invites out, picking hymns etc if I can't even manage to ensure I comply with the minimum legal requirements of the ceremony? I am a blockhead

Sorry - my command of english in that last post was awful. Garble garble etc.