to think thank CHRIST I am not having a proper wedding?

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Getting married. Register office.

Me, dp, dd and dstepson (they will be witnesses).

Traipse off for a lunch afterwards and a drink.

Bugger off for a long weekend (holiday later in year with dd).

Clothes - DP will wear a suit he already owns, I will buy a frock one saturday from a normal shop with NORMAL shopkeepers (not the loons which inhabit bridal shops), dd and dstepson will wear what they like.

Food and drink - whatever we want on the day. No agonising over pan fried chicken with timbales of rice with a selection of seasonable vegetables crappy catering choices which will cost £3000 or so. We will drink nice champagne because there are only few of us and we don't have to supply for hundreds.

NO bridal favours

NO bridesmaids

NO hand wringing over inviting babies to the wedding

NO floral arangements

NO cake

NO fretting over venue and booking of.

NO crappy disco playing hits from Status Quo or whatev.

NO fuss.

Family and friend and will be fine when we tell them afterwards what we have done.

I cannot imagine holding a 'proper' wedding and would never desire to.

I am so jealous I would love for dp and I to nip off to a registry office in my lunch hour and get the wedding over and done with so we can get on with being married. He however wants a "proper" wedding We are at stalemate

YANBU. Good on you!

DP and I have been together 15 years and got engaged but have just never bothered/got round to the wedding bit.

We've seen so many people have nightmares over seating plans/ bridesmaids shoes (FFS!)/ children or no children debate etc that its just put us off.

We talked about doing it your way GetOrf but DP's parents would be really offended so we've just not bothered otherwise you get the start of the snowball effect....if we decide to just invite DP's parents, then we have to invite my Mum and brother and his family...then it would have to be SIL and her partner ...then what about best friends... and their families....150 guests later you're having a nightmare about bridesmaids shoes.

Exactly Norbert - in an ideal world I would like MIL PIL and one of DP's brother's and his family, however he is one of five and I know all the others will have to then come, and then all the cousins, aunts, and relatives from London and Scotland. Knowing that his parents wouldn't be offended at all is a real bonus, like you I wouldn't bother if I knew they would be upset.

Lol at bridemaid's shoes. When I was a bridesmaid about 10 years ago there was no end of fuss and nonsense about my shoes not matching the exact same shade as ther other bridesmaids. I got bored by the whole caper about 6 months before the wedding.

Sounds perfect to me. The only thing thats ever put me off getting married is the wedding itself!

We went off and did ours on holiday, the thought of any fuss horrified both of us. Our parents ended up coming in the end and we were actually glad they did.

I'm sure it would be reasonable to just state that the only guests will be parents/grandparents (if still alive!) and siblings & their immediate family only. Unless you've got a big family, not sure how that would ever get to 150 guests, Norbert!!

Good on you, NUANU at all sounds lovely hope that you have a fantastic day.

Sounds lovely. The important bit about a wedding are the promises you make to each other and the subsequent legal status of your partnership.

I had a church wedding (am a Christian, so was very important to me to have a religous service) and have a huge family (who I love) who all had to be invited so it ended up being a big do. It was a great day, but it did feel like the really important bit of the day where we actually got married got swallowed up in the wraparound event of having a wedding.

Your plans sound just right. Enjoy it.

YANBU. We did this - it was what we both wanted for the same reasons you've mentioned.

My family were absolutely fine with it, in fact it's what my mum & dad did too.

We had to cope with the aftermath from MIL & SIL though - for years and years...

Are you sure? I mean missing Statud Quo, it takes it a bit far - no?

eh some of us weren't meant to have those sort of weddings. My wedding was very low-key, though it was held in a chapel and we did do a nice afternoon tea then dinner for our 30ish guests. Many of them had traveled from overseas and we were happy to throw a party for the day. This was all in a smallish town in Germany, though, and the price of what we paid at the nicest place in town (very nice, btw!) was nothing compared to what you'd have to pay here once a caterer/restaurant knows it's for a wedding.

My best friend back in the US, though, loves planning, loves coordinating things, and threw an amazing wedding. I'm so glad there's people like that out there, too.

YANBU, of course. But I live in the U.S. and if it's a legal wedding, it's a proper wedding.

BTW, DH and I eloped in Las Vegas 21 years ago. Had ourselves a blast!

Many congrats to you!

Married young, totally unaware that there was anything you were meant to organise.
Result: service in college chapel, friends did the music, buffet at the pub, dancing... lovely day and no stress.
I've been to lots of weddings since but I wouldn't change ours.

Depends what you call a 'proper' wedding I guess. We had the white dress/church/family and friends/couple of bridesmaids and had a great day. I think we had about 50 guests in all. We had a great day. BUT, this was nearly 30 years ago and the main point of the wedding was to get married, not to have a big bash. We had about 50 guests, mostly family and a few very close friends. We didn't have a wedding list, and were very grateful for whatever people chose to give us and didn't get uppity about the ones who didn't give us anything. Any guests who had children were able to bring them to the whole event and everybody had a great time.

I have been to some weddings recently, and tbh, they are more like a hollywood production than a wedding, and they seem to have lost the intimacy that was so noticeable at ours and others we attended around the same time, so I think that for these days, your wedding sounds ideal. I hope you have a great day and a very happy marriage.

congratulations on wedding.but dont diss othes who don't do as you do.no wedding is proper or improper.they are as people chose them.fortunately for you,yours is idyllic.to someone else it would not be

Good on you.

We got married in a registry office with just five guests. Had a nice lunch afterwards. Guests went home and we went to the pub, then straight to the airport and off on our honeymoon.

I am horrified - and to be honest, terrified - by the idea of weddings which cost thousands of pounds and take months or even years to plan.

Sounds perfect to me. We planned to pop to the registry office, sign the forms then go for a beer.

As it turned out, we ended up with a bit more fuss because, as usual, too many people stuck their oar in (my mother actually!)

We still had a lovely day though, got a lush dress from M&S, 30 ish close friends and family and a little get together in a local cricket pavillion for drinks and some nosh afterwards. Everyone who had kids could bring them if they wanted to and they all had a brilliant time running themselves ragged up and down the fields, chasing frisbees.

Hope you have a lovely day GOML!

Sounds as 'proper' as weddings get to me.

Do it whichever way you want. Nothing wrong with low-key, nothing wrong with lavish and nothing wrong with in-between.

Whatever floats your boat.

Enjoy

YADNBU

We got married 14th Decemeber just gone and we went for a compromise between small wedding and big wedding.

I wore a full bridal dress (but got direct from china for £80) and DH and DS (3) wore tailcoats but we got married in a registry office with just our parents, our 3 kids and my brother and his partner (DH is an only)

Then we went to a lovely restaurant where we hired the private dining room and ate lovely food and drank lots of champers

We had a cake but it was just 2 tiers of plain white iced sponge cake from m&s and then we got someone to make a floral topper.

My Mum and Dad babysat that night and we had a night in a hotel.

we did go to the expense of a proffesional photographer though.

All in all it cost £2000 and it was just what we wanted, I could never imagine a full on white wedding with hundreds of guests and nor could DH so we picked the bits we liked and did it our way lol

Have a great time and enjoy it x

YANBU! Sounds perfect.

I got married last year at our local registry office followed by a meal in Prezzos! I was 35 weeks pregnant with DS2.

We had 2 friends as witnesses and our immediate family there. Total of 13 people.

It really was one of my happiest days.

We have always wanted to get married but neither of us wanted the pressure or attention of a big wedding. I have lots of respect for those that do though.

Enjoy it. It will be fab.

Sounds perfect to me because it's how we did it too.

DH and I, 2 children and the other end of the country with a couple of relatives as witnesses, nice meal afterwards. Perfect. And my husband organised the whole thing.

Lots of it getting referred to as a 'so called wedding' and warnings that we'd regret it one day. Can't see it myself though!

In fact the registrar said she liked weddings like ours that were about being married rather than the wedding.

I'm also surprised at how many people said "I wish we'd done that" when I told them.

I think most people usually organise the wedding they want, but the more people involved, the more that can go wrong.

Enjoy!

Well, I'm glad you're happy with the wedding you're having. But it has nothing to do with 'proper' wedding or not, tbh, don't really understand what you mean there?

I had a church wedding with about 50 guests, but it was no hassle. I picked a date based on work commitments, (took about 5 minutes to decide as work was so precriptive) then phoned the priest and booked the church, then phoned the venue (sounds posh, t'was the local pub) to reserve the conservtory, so within 10 minutes I had a date, church and venue. The woman at church who normally did the flowers did our flowers, just had to bung her the money, I spent approx 20 seconds thinking about it. The usual organist palyed the music. I picked a tune, he actually played something entirely different, but I didn't care. When I hear the music now I think, Oh that's the music I picked for my wedding (didn't actually get it) thought

Mum wrote out and sent invites, honestly, I can't have spent more than 30 minutes, excluding picking a dress and having it fitted on the whole thing. I'm sure everyone enjoyed the day,

what do you mean by 'proper' wedding? In a church? Cos a lot of bridezilla-y type stories seem to be having the wedding & reception in a stately home or something.

Surely it's just someone who plans to have a highly orchestrated affair and worries about eveything down to the best man's mum's knickers, in which case it's the mental attitide of the bride rather than the type of wedding itself iyswim

YANBU - you are having a wedding almost exactly like my own - but I would argue that it's a 'proper' wedding!

The main difference was on the morning of my wedding my dh disappeared and returned 30 minutes later with a bunch of dark red roses which matched my dress!

Well, I had a great big wedding in a castle with 120 guests, a fancy dress with a 3 foot train, 3 course dinner with silver service and dancing afterwards.

Had an absolute blast, best party ever. The guest seemed to really enjoy it as well. It was an amazing day. Really enjoyed organising it as well, and as far as i'm aware I wasn't a bridezilla, was enjoying doing it all myself so didn't need to boss anyone else around. Everyone came from babies to great grandmothers, no gift list or expectations for people to do anything except eat, drink and celebrate with us.

I think whatever is your perfect day is what you should do. Our wedding was just as meaningful for being large (and it was mainly family - DH is one of 5 with infinte cousins, uncles and aunties), but it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea. As long as you end up with a DH (or DW) at the end of it it counts as proper, everything else is just personal taste!

Go for it GetOrf

We got married a few weeks ago - just the 2 of us with our 2 dds as witnesses (they are both over 16). It was just as wonderful and special as we hoped - glorious fun, amazingly relaxed and very low stress.

We were married by an independent celebrant and had written our own vows, so every word felt meaningful. We got married in a beautiful location that was special to us both.

We told our close family before, but we also told them how we wanted to get married (i.e. no guests). We have a great relationship with parents and siblings, and we are glad that they love us enough to understand why we wanted a very simple occasion. We were glad we had told them all before and that we knew we were getting married knowing that we had their blessing. Tbh, I think our elderly parents were just as happy to be sitting at home thinking about us, rather than getting all dressed up, and involved in a lot of fuss.

We have spent all Christmas traveling around having mini-celebrations with friends and family. It has been lovely.

We had no cake, no speeches, no seating plan, no compromises, no hassle.

It has been lovely reading this thread about other people's similarly small events.

We did similar but had a cheap and cheerful family knees up when we returned from honeymoon. Dress from Monsoon (do buy a lovely dress - when else can you justify it), 10 of us in Scotland, married in the gardens of a castle - lovely!

Have you thought about Stroud or Gloucester registry offices? When we considered doing it locally we looked at those as couldn't bear the thought of going to the C one! It is awful isn't it?!