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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think thank CHRIST I am not having a proper wedding?

93 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/01/2010 20:48

Getting married. Register office.

Me, dp, dd and dstepson (they will be witnesses).

Traipse off for a lunch afterwards and a drink.

Bugger off for a long weekend (holiday later in year with dd).

Clothes - DP will wear a suit he already owns, I will buy a frock one saturday from a normal shop with NORMAL shopkeepers (not the loons which inhabit bridal shops), dd and dstepson will wear what they like.

Food and drink - whatever we want on the day. No agonising over pan fried chicken with timbales of rice with a selection of seasonable vegetables crappy catering choices which will cost £3000 or so. We will drink nice champagne because there are only few of us and we don't have to supply for hundreds.

NO bridal favours

NO bridesmaids

NO hand wringing over inviting babies to the wedding

NO floral arangements

NO cake

NO fretting over venue and booking of.

NO crappy disco playing hits from Status Quo or whatev.

NO fuss.

Family and friend and will be fine when we tell them afterwards what we have done.

I cannot imagine holding a 'proper' wedding and would never desire to.

OP posts:
KimiLovesHerFamily · 09/01/2010 09:41

GetOrfMoiLand, you are so selfish...
I wanted to come to your wedding, I was looking forward to it.
I saw all the lovely things I could post about, such as how I was not asked to be your bridesmaid (ok so you don't actually know me from Adam but thats so not the point),
And the fact you would not allow me to bring my children, followed up by the MIL will not babysit thread, then there was the wedding list, you want me to give you money....how rude.
The debate over confetti or rice
The rows over who was going to pay for what
Flowers cost how bloody much

You have spoiled all my fun I hope you are happy now

No really, your day, your way. Hope you have a lovely day x

skidoodle · 09/01/2010 09:49

What's not "proper" about it?

You've chosen the wedding that makes sense for you, and you don't think anyone is going to be upset by your choices. And you'll be married at the end of it, which is really the crucial bit.

So hurray for you.

I have a big family and quite a lot of friends that I wanted to witness my wedding and who wanted to be a part of it, so I had a big wedding.

Organising it was a lot of work and it cost quite a bit of money. I thought I'd hate being the "centre of attention", but in fact it wasn't like that. It was all the people I love most in the world come to see me and DH get married, and it meant an awful lot to me to have them be a part of it.

It was the best day of my life, and I really didn't expect it to be, because that sounds so naff and is not something I thought any single day could ever be.

I hope you enjoy yours every bit as much

skidoodle · 09/01/2010 09:51

"No really, your day, your way"

No, it's not anybody's day.

It's that attitude that makes weddings a nightmare, regardless of how "proper" they are.

KimiLovesHerFamily · 09/01/2010 09:55

I had a massive wedding and loved every moment of it.

I do think that everyone has the right to choose the wedding they want the way they want.
Yes I would be sad if either of my sons choose not to marry in church or worse not to marry at all, but thats just how I would feel, it will be up to them.

I could not say to them that I wanted them to marry in a church, not live together before hand and not have children till they are married, those were my choices, it is up to them to make their own.

TheRoyalty · 09/01/2010 10:13

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TheRoyalty · 09/01/2010 10:16

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SkipToMyLou · 09/01/2010 10:17

Yes, it is the Bride and Groom's day - without them, there's no wedding .

skidoodle · 09/01/2010 10:19

How can a day belong to anybody?

That is a truly weird thing to say.

geordieminx · 09/01/2010 10:24

You do know witnesses have to be 18+ though dont you?

NomDePlume · 09/01/2010 10:25

You do what you want. There isn't a right or wrong, imo. Some people get into a cold sweat at the idea of a 'big' wedding, some dream about it for years and years. If you are having the day you want then that is great. Horses for courses.

It's not the wedding that matters, it's the marriage.

TheRoyalty · 09/01/2010 10:26

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shockers · 09/01/2010 10:32

Sounds fab to me!
We had a church service because we met at church and are strong believers but planned to have an informal BBQ in our back garden. Fortunately my garden is big as we had about 150 people! My next door neighbour strung fairy lights everywhere and put up gazebos. It was gorgeous but there was something of the 'blitz spirit' about the whole affair!

Garrylous · 09/01/2010 10:34

ooh when is it goml
i think ti sounds dreamy

KimiLovesHerFamily · 09/01/2010 10:45

I am still upset to be excluded

RemyMartin · 09/01/2010 10:46

Sounds lovely, and it's obvious that you are doing it because you want to be married to each other, not because you want to take part in a massive production with you as the star. Congratulations btw!

JaneS · 09/01/2010 10:48

'"No really, your day, your way"

No, it's not anybody's day.

It's that attitude that makes weddings a nightmare, regardless of how "proper" they are.'

Skidoodle, Amen to that! The marriage, yes, belongs to the bride and groom. But imo, when people say it's their 'day', they mean, 'I'm going to make it less fun for you so it can be more fun for me'. Nice.

TheRoyalty · 09/01/2010 10:56

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PrammyMammy · 09/01/2010 10:59

What is a 'proper wedding'?

You are getting a marriage certificate at the end of things so it is a proper wedding.
Everyone likes different things. Live and let live, and all that.
We are getting married in the church and having 80 guest for a meal afterwards, bridesmaids, best man, the lot. It is just a wedding, you know what you like.

My aunt and uncle were together 14 years before they decided to wed, and done the registry office with their 3 kids, my mum and dad, my siblings and me, so 10 in total. We wore what we wanted. She wore a smart dressy suit. It was lovely, and a proper wedding. We had a chippy afterwards.

VerityBrulee · 09/01/2010 11:01

YANBU, we did it that way too.

I HATE "weddings". Dhs sister was a bridezilla during the summer and we are still living with the fallout. It's not worth it.

I hope you have a lovely day

porcamiseria · 09/01/2010 11:08

Good for you, I plan to do something similar!!!! have a lovely day

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 09/01/2010 11:12

If i were ever to get married again(which I'm sure Dh hopes I won't) I would have a smaller more intimate wedding.

The whole huge bash thing with top table etc now fills me with embarassment.

I suspect the smaller simpler wedding generally appeals more to those who are older, married before, already have children, where the big bash appears even mre ludicrous than it does when you're 25 in love and want the world to know.

But i had the wedding I wanted at the time, and loved it.

Whenever and howver I was getting married thugh I'd want a fantastic dress, the sort you could ony wear if a bride.

I actually feel quite sad i can't have another wedding dress as there are so many gorgeous dresses I'd love a chnace to wear.

I'd dispense with the church though, with 90% of the guests, with formal seating arrangements, bridesmaids and posh car.

Just Dp and fab dress would do me second time around.

Congrats BTW GOML!!

jemart · 09/01/2010 11:20

Yanbu of course, entirey down to your own preferences. Though I do wonder, If you hate the idea of a wedding so much why bother at all?

paulaplumpbottom · 09/01/2010 11:23

Its your day you should do it exactly the way you want it.

belgo · 09/01/2010 11:25

tbh I think whoever is paying for the day whould have the final vote on what the bride and groom do.

lovechoc · 09/01/2010 11:32

Reg office is the way forward. cheap and cheerful and over with in a jiffy. I did this and have no regrets at all

You are having a proper wedding, you are being sensible with your cash and not blowing wads of it away on a wedding that lasts, well, one day.