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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 4yr old and 2.5 yr old to keep bedroom reasonably tidy?

64 replies

BusyMummyof3 · 08/01/2010 11:11

arrgh.....their room is a tip. My DD's share a room and it is so messy and I'm thoroughly fed up picking up their toys and clothes after them.

Just walked in and all the drawers are open with clothes all over the floor, duvet on floor and toys everywhere. They have toy boxes in there so there are places for toys to go. Yesterday, they finally tidied up after I lost my temper and gathered up all the toys on the floor and said they were going in the bin!

AIBU to expect them to keep it fairly tidy at such a young age?

OP posts:
bibbitybobbitysantahat · 08/01/2010 11:14

I don't know if you are being unreasonable exactly but possibly slightly unrealistic? Surely the 2.5 year old is hardwired to produce nothing but mess and chaos?

TLESinChristmasStockings · 08/01/2010 11:14

errrr yes

doggiesayswoof · 08/01/2010 11:14

YABU

TheRoyalty · 08/01/2010 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChasingSquirrels · 08/01/2010 11:16

yes - YOU need to police this so that they learn. You can not expect them to just keep it tidy off their own back.

wannatalk · 08/01/2010 11:17

sorry YABU

we have a clean up before bedtime policy each day and I don't worry what has happened during the day

gorionine · 08/01/2010 11:17

Yabu

LetThereBeRock · 08/01/2010 11:17

YABU.

jelliebelly · 08/01/2010 11:18

YABU - young children are messy - that's part of the fun of being children isn't it?

As long as you teach them/help them to tidy up at the end of the day then I don't see the problem. At least the mess is confined to one room and not all over the house like my dh manages

nickytwotimes · 08/01/2010 11:18

Yabvvvvvu!

shootfromthehip · 08/01/2010 11:18

Best of luck getting a 2 and 4 yr old to keep their room tidy. My DH is 37 and can't do that never mind my nearly 6 yr old or the 3 yr old.

YABU

LadyGarryPalliser · 08/01/2010 11:19

Of course YABU. You know that really, don't you?

bumpybecky · 08/01/2010 11:19

YABU, sorry

I've got 3 dds sharing a (big!) room, they're 11, 9 and 4 and are incapbale of keeping it tidy for more than about 20 minutes.

claw3 · 08/01/2010 11:20

As someone said unrealistic.

I turn it into a game with my 5.5 year old.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 08/01/2010 11:20

YAB unrealistic.

doggiesayswoof · 08/01/2010 11:22

I'm sorry but I can't believe you leave them to it in there and expect them to tidy up/not mess it up in the first place.

Seriously, they would be very very strange children if they did that.

My DD (5) has one job that she is supposed to do on her own initiative - put her clothes in the laundry basket when she takes them off. She can rarely manage that without a reminder.

DavidTennantAteMyHeart · 08/01/2010 11:23

Unrealistic! You need to have routines which include them in the tidying.

We tidy up at various points during the day. So we do things such as clear up the sitting room before watching TV, or clear up the playroom before getting train track or small lego out. It's not a heavy bribery thing, just a "job we must do before we have fun" or "we need it to make space to play the next thing".

My DS2 is 3.8 and I now do refuse to put TV on/get small lego out/bake cakes unless the tidying is done and he does take part in it but I'm not sure I would have done a year ago.

I find bribery works well with my DS1 (6). He can earn extra time on the wii by being extra specially helpful. In this case initiating tidy up goes down very well with me .

diddl · 08/01/2010 11:25

YABU.
But YANBU to expect them to at least help you put toys back in the boxes.

piscesmoon · 08/01/2010 11:25

YABU-close the door on it!

missmapp · 08/01/2010 11:25

I have a 4yr old and 2 yr old and, left to their own devises , they would leave a trail of chaos in their wake, but I make them tidy up major mess when it gets too much and we do a big before bed tidy up. It involves much nagging and its about 50;50 between me and them, but it gets done and hopefully they are learning (v.slowly) about being tidy!!!!

nowwearefour · 08/01/2010 11:26

this thread caught my eye as my dds are the same ages as yours and also share a room. i so recognise the duvets on the floor and books/ toys everywhere thing ! the issue is they do that to the playroom and sitting room as well. so i am less in control than you. i try to get them to put pjs on bed when tken off and dirty clothes in laundry basket and books back on bookshelf. almost never are any of these tasks done. a nightmare! some days i cant be bothered to tidy as it will jsut be the same tomorrow. ahhhh!

Pitchounette · 08/01/2010 11:28

Message withdrawn

PrammyMammy · 08/01/2010 11:30

Sounds like my ds room. I sneak in and tidy when he is sleeping. Yabu i think, but you can teach them i bet.

duchesse · 08/01/2010 11:30

Hahahahaha!

Sorry, but you did ask. YAclearlyBU

myhandslooksoold · 08/01/2010 11:32

YANBU- the 4 year old should be able to help keep room tidy. We're not slaves to our children and while we need to help them they also need to take some responsibility in the household.

I have this problem with my LO's and I'm afraid it is down to personality- my son has always kept his room tidy since he was 2 but my daughter still struggles aged 5. Having said the above, I do help them to keep it organised and show them how to tidy away.

I think one of the problems for small kids is that they just have far far far too much stuff that they are able to cope with and keep tidy (and I definitely count my two in that). It is easier to keep a smaller amount of stuff tidy.

If it is driving you mad try packing away some things into boxes and rotating them so you're not having to deal with a complete tip. I regularly do patrols with a rubbish and charity bag as well.

I worry that children see housework and tidying as something that has nothing to do with them- having expectations of them from a young age that they keep tidy, do things for themselves as much as they are able and help out with household chores will prevent trauma to them later on.

As an aside, I heard someone say that they needed to go to university so they could grow up and learn to be an adult. No no no- this is a process that needs to start at home. Our job is to teach our children how to be independent not to serve them.

Sorry- a bit of a rant...