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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a 4yr old and 2.5 yr old to keep bedroom reasonably tidy?

64 replies

BusyMummyof3 · 08/01/2010 11:11

arrgh.....their room is a tip. My DD's share a room and it is so messy and I'm thoroughly fed up picking up their toys and clothes after them.

Just walked in and all the drawers are open with clothes all over the floor, duvet on floor and toys everywhere. They have toy boxes in there so there are places for toys to go. Yesterday, they finally tidied up after I lost my temper and gathered up all the toys on the floor and said they were going in the bin!

AIBU to expect them to keep it fairly tidy at such a young age?

OP posts:

scrappydappydoo · 08/01/2010 11:34

Sorry YABU as annoying as it is.
I have two the same age and the mess is just part and parcel of who they are at that age. Think of it as a creative mess
However that doesn't stop me trying and whereas I cut dd2 quite a bit of slack, I do tend to be a bit harder on dd1 if she doesn't respond to my 10th request in 1/2 hour to at least put some toys away (I have taken a favourite toy away for a day or two). I think it's important to instill the value of keeping things tidy and looking after things.

ajandjjmum · 08/01/2010 11:34

I can't get my 16 year old to keep her room tidy.

mumeeee · 08/01/2010 11:36

YABVU. They are young children and need help to keep thier room tidy.

gorionine · 08/01/2010 11:41

myhandslooksoold, you are right to a certain extent but when several Dcs are sharing the same bedroom, it is not fair to expect the 4yo to do the tidying up for both of them.

My Dcs help arround the house (bit of hoovering, help to set the table or even chop a few veg for me in the kitchen) but when it comes to their bedroom (4 sharing, 10 1/2, 8 1/2 ,5,3) it is absolutely impossible to know who did the mess and it would be unfair to always ask the bigger ones to do it as they are definitely the ones who make the less mess. It would also be a bit harsh to ask the 3yo to do it all on her own because she is the bigger messer-upper.

I usually send all of them to do it together but if I want a quick job I am better off doing it myself as often their tidy up process involves taking even more toys out.

kif · 08/01/2010 11:42

YABUnrealistic

Creative mess.

Exactly.

sigh

I kinda pile clothes in the wardrobe anyway, so if they pull them all out, they can just be shoved back in.

Santa brought a playtable and requested that it be used for jigsaws/lego things - so not so many things getting lost under foot.

Older Dd (5.5) also got a 'special box folder' to put her 'work' - after a few too many heartbreaking scenes where what I thought was a scrap of paper and sellotape turned out to be a crucial prototype,

Pineapplechunks · 08/01/2010 11:44

I think you probably get the picture by now that YABU to expect 4 and 2.5 yr olds to keep their room tidy.

You can expect them to help you when it comes to tidy up time but to do it by themselves, on a daily basis, to your adult standards is quite unreasonable, unrealistic and unfair.

I expect my 7.5 yr ld to keep her room tidy(ish)but this is a relatively recent thing and I still go in every few weeks and have a good clear up/out to keep things nice for her.

IMO at their ages they're still babies.

TheRoyalty · 08/01/2010 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sweetkitty · 08/01/2010 11:45

My 4 and 5 yo DDs share a room and it's a constant mess, they jsut seem to pull things out at random, leave them on the floor and go onto the next thing.

If they ask for something specific out i.e dressing up box I get them to tidy the room first.

At night before bed we have a big tidy up, I find it better if you give them specific jobs, like DD1 youa re in charge of putting all the books back on that shelf there rather than telling them to tidy up.

They are getting better though, then 18mo DD3 comes along and is a whirlwind of mess and chaos

fernie3 · 08/01/2010 11:45

my 5 year olds room is awful I have been reduced to only going in there when i have to. I need to tackle it at some point ....but not today

cat64 · 08/01/2010 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 08/01/2010 11:51

Message withdrawn

MrsGravy · 08/01/2010 12:05

I agree with the others, but also with Cat64 - you shouldn't do it for them. I don't tidy up my 3 and 5 year old's rooms for them and never have. It's something they have to do at the end of the day or they don't get their bit of TV before bed!! Any protests that they are 'too tired' and their choice is to go straight to bed early instead.

Swedington · 08/01/2010 12:10

I have a 4 y o and a 2.5 y o too. The 4 year old is ok but my 2 year old is rubbish at changing the Hoover bag and his efforts with the Winowlene are smeary to say the least.

Do yours do thier own ironing?

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/01/2010 12:11

I have actually tied my DC's drawers up with bungee ropes as I was sick of them being emptied.

I have very high shelving and they are allowed no more tha one 'type' of small messy toys at a time - ie playmobil, cars, lego

The big toys are on lower shelves as are the books.

They have finally learnt to take books out and replace them but it took a while.

I also supervise them tidying things away - rarely help them.

Swedington · 08/01/2010 12:13

TDWP

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/01/2010 12:14

Oh and my DC love nothing more than to drag their beds around, pull the sheets off and make 'dens' - It doesn't bother me- takes no time to right it.

Bleatblurt · 08/01/2010 12:14

I'd love to answer you, OP, but I can't stop laughing....[mum to a 5 year old and 2 year old]

lilyjen · 08/01/2010 12:26

My Dd is 6 and i've recentley introduced pocket money for saturdays. The rule for getting the pound pocket money is she must make her bed every day and 'tidy her room' what I realistically expect from that is that she'll do her best to arrange her duvet cover and pick a few things up off the floor. I've always encouraged tidiness but this is the first time i've made it a proper arrangement. I think at 2 and 4 it's about encouraging tidiness as they go along rather than a big clean up at any stage of the day. I also think that kids should be allowed quite a lot of slack under the age of 5 imo. YABU and v unrealistic.

RedLentil · 08/01/2010 12:26

My lovely but disorganised DS (nearly 7) has his own room with boxes for lego and playmobil and the deal is that I have to be able to come in and chat without killing myself on toys from Sat to Friday.

On Friday, we have the Frid'y, Tidy when everyone mucks in a bit more to get the house done for the weekend and I hoover his room a while after he comes in from school.

The deal is that if it is chaos he has to do it himself. If it isn't too bad he gets help.
He has got into the swing of puttng a bit of shape on it from Thursday onwards.

He did try shoving everything under his wardrobe this morning though. Worth a try,I suppose.

DD2 is naturally tidy at 15 months: today the pencils on the floor were annoying here while I was reading so she got down, picked them up and put them in the pencil box before coming back for the rest of the story.

DD1 is 3.5 and does fine if her tidying is structured (so, I ask her to pick up the toy people, then the toy food etc).

We have a tidying up song (Tidy up the carpet,tidy up the floor / Tidy up 'til we can tidy no more' and when things get out of hand we do a two-minute tidy and everyone has to put away an age-related number of things.

Everything has a place to go and lego and playmobil are only played with in one room so that helps too.

We also make a huge fuss about anyone who recovers a missing bit, or old favourite, as we go.

This over-regimented set of tactics has pretty much got rid of the bin-bag threatening style of tidying we've had in the past.

I really don't mind the mess buidng up unless the floor gets unsafe to walk on or people are getting upset about missing bits ...

RedLentil · 08/01/2010 12:32

Bungee ropes: respeck

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/01/2010 12:46

I have to fiddle round the back to open them - and I have to do it when they are not in the room so they don't figure out the secret - it's quite a feat of stealth!

I cracked after spending a good hour sorting socks and neatly folding clothes into specific drawers to find the entire contents on the floor being used as a crash mat as they leapt from their toy kitchen - I could have cried.

Original poster

BusyMummyof3 · 08/01/2010 12:46

OK I'm being unreasonable. I think I just needed a rant. It's worse since Xmas when they got lovely new toys and they are just slung on the floor waiting to be ruined. I just wish they put things away when they've finished but I suppose this will be an ongoing battle until they've left home!

I think I just need to close the door and not worry about it until the end of the day when we can have a big tidy up.

OP posts:

LedodgyChristmasjumper · 08/01/2010 12:47

YABVD (delusional)

loobylu3 · 08/01/2010 13:18

YABVU to expect them to keep it tidy. However, they can help you to tidy up at the end of the day, especially the 4 year old

porcamiseria · 08/01/2010 13:28

???? this is a joke? a tidy 2.5 year old.....

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