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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More of a wwyd about dishes at a wedding reception

93 replies

TeddyBare · 07/01/2010 19:15

A close friend is getting married soon and I was speaking to another friend who is considering not going to the reception because of the meal options (!) which I found a bit The bride is veggie and her dh is vegan so all of their meal options are veggie or vegan. I'm veggie so I didn't see this as a problem (and all 3 options sound yummy) but the friend is seeing this as bride trying to force her views on her friends. We 3 used to live together at uni so I know there have been issues with this friend feeling pressured into not eating meat around her veggie friends (we didn't try to make her feel like this but she lived with 4 veggies / vegans so prehaps inevitable), but I also know that the bride would be very very upset if this friend didn't come for this reason. I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to mention it to the bride (how?!) to try to help avoid this becoming an issue. I'm fairly sure she wouldn't mind too much including a chicken dish if it would avoid any problems. Would I be better to just keep out of it and be there for the bride if she is dissapointed?

OP posts:

MollyRoger · 07/01/2010 20:51

thin..

MrsTittleMouse · 07/01/2010 20:52

Very funny Hunny. Now pottle off to a Parent and Child Parking thread, there's a dear.

As an aside, I was actually told by an in-law-to-be that a wedding wasn't a wedding without meat. I replied (not to his face, sadly) that I had missed the part when the registrar roasted an ox for us all to make the vows binding. We also had "But what if a guest wants meat?". DH told them that the guest could leave and go to MacDonalds instead.

When I am a guest in someone else's home, I don't dictate the menu. When I invite a guest to my home, I make sure that I know about any allergies and dislikes and avoid them (or provide several options). I have no idea why the fact that an event is a wedding would suddenly change these simple rules of courtesy.

LittleMrsHappy · 07/01/2010 20:53

Hullygully, The only one I can see is you who are attention seeking. by your idiotic posts, a bird is still a animal! A living creature.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 07/01/2010 20:54

The friend is being childish. When we get married we had one person come who was a veggie and she wasn't even an official guest - she came with a guest in place of her boyfriend. We had a special veggie meal for her. No big deal. If the friend thinks eating meat for one meal/not accepting one veggie meal is more important than seeing her friend married, then she is no friend.

Pancakeflipper · 07/01/2010 21:04

Tell your mate to get a grip. It's one meal. The bride don't eat meat - she's hardly going to book a hog roast.

If your mate can't go without meat for a few hours tell her to stick some sausages in her bag.

This mate... Is avoiding the meal really about something else but using this silly reason as an excuse?

MisSalLaneous · 07/01/2010 21:15

Is she (the "friend) really saying that she never, ever have meals without meat? Ever?

I love meat, but find that very odd!

chegirlsgotheartburn · 07/01/2010 21:17

I have been to loads of functions where there is no veggie option. There must be tons where there is no vegan one.

Why do so many people think their presence is so vital at a wedding that they should be able to dictate what is eaten, worn, if kids should be allowed etc etc?

There is always at least one person who tries to make the whole thing about them.

Well there were several at mine and they were all SILs.

We asked one to do a reading. She asked if she could change the words because she thought it sounded 'silly'. Yes dear, feel free to rewrite the Bible .

Do meat eaters eat meat at every single meal then? My lot dont. They have cereal for breakfast.

Incidentally I have never tried to make someone become a veggie but I have been threatened (in a hahaha hilarious way) to be held down and made to eat meat on numerous occasions.

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/01/2010 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MorrisZapp · 07/01/2010 21:36

To whoever said 'if there was no veggie option there'd be an outcry', well maybe amongst the Waitrose classes that's true, but I've been to many weddings where the evening buffet contained no meat free food at all - even the egg sannies have had ham in them.

I'm not a veggie but I have noticed these things.

A friend of mine had a veggie wedding and she isn't even a veggie herself - she just thought it would be easier providing one option for all. It was fantastic.

I actually feel sorry for people who say 'vegetarian food' in that way as if to suggest that there are secret, bogging ingredients used in it. In fact, it's just nice food, made with normal ingredients, but not including meat.

OPs friend is a tosser.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 07/01/2010 21:49

wasn't the wafer thin ham thing, from The Royle Family - Anthony's student girlfriend was veggie and they just could not compute what to give her....wafer thin ham being one of the suggestions

OP, can't see any reason whatsoever why you would get involved. Tis between the bride and the guest and if you get involved you're just being a big ol' gossip imo.

pigletmania · 07/01/2010 22:56

Dons hard hat and plays devils advocate, someone who is veggie/vegan would expect such dishes if they were invited to a wedding and would not eat meat just for one day, so why cant meat eaters be catred for the same at a wedding reception in which the dishes are veggie, a bit of discrimination going on here. Inflicting ones views onto someone else imo

Also if the friend really wanted to eat meat could she not bring a bit in her lunch box and ask the waiters to warm it up for her mabey just a suggestion.

pigletmania · 07/01/2010 23:02

I personally would never miss a wedding because of the meal options silly really, i would eat whatever was given unless it was something meat/veggie that i detest

BigBadMummy · 07/01/2010 23:05

Teddybare I haven't read the thread all the way through but if your friend decide not to go to the reception and has to make up an excuse, having attended the wedding I would be livid.

It is your friend's wedding she should be able to chose the meal options that they wish.

Regardless of the veggie/vegan thing, these are options they have chosen.

I am a committed steak and chips gal but if the only option is nut roast / lentils or fish then I will gladly participate.

Your guest friend is a knob.

JaneS · 07/01/2010 23:07

pigletmania - that argument only applies if OP's friend is a carnivore who never eats veg. Otherwise, no dice (obviously).

aseriouslyblondemoment · 07/01/2010 23:12

think the friend is really rude actually
and i do hope that she has the decency to not say anything or make a fuss on the day

EmilyStrange · 07/01/2010 23:21

I went to a wedding when I was pregnant and being sick at the mere sight or smell of food. I really think they should have made it a no-food event to accommodate me. I found it very discriminating.

Your friend is a total moron. But yes stay out of it unless you want to show your meat-eating tyrannosaurus friend this thread. That should get the point across.

treedelivery · 07/01/2010 23:31

People are loons aren't they. Diva's are sooooooo dull. You offer tham free food and they get sniffy about it.

Friend is attention seeking. Treat as toddler and do not reward. If she mentions it just giggle and say 'my, you will be hungry won't you'

If she mentions it to the bride, take her to hand. Calmly make eye contact [bend down if she is short/you are tall] and tell her that she was very rude and needs to apologise.

Or reassess friendship overall.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 08/01/2010 08:44

I went to a friends wedding where they hadn't provided any veggie options. the main meal was chicken with a vast array of delicious veggies. I had a plate of roasters etc and was quite happy with it. There is no way on earth I would have thought to complain. Your friend needs to get a grip.

pigletmania · 08/01/2010 09:11

at treedelivery good idea, certainly behaving like one imo

GetOrfMoiLand · 08/01/2010 09:18

The friend is a frigging idiot who doesn't deserve to go anyway, if she has that attitude. God, I am a confirmed carnivore and I wouldn't care less. It is a non-problem, just an excuse for your friend to be attention seeking and childish.

Fibilou · 08/01/2010 09:21

Your friend is being a nob. It's ridiculous the way meat eaters make a fuss about having to eat vegetarian food once in a blue moon. He might even like it.

I'm a meat eater but would be perfectly delighted to go to a veggie/vegan buffet, it makes a change

notcitrus · 08/01/2010 09:21

'Friend' is bonkers.

It's wierd how vegetarianism varies in how common it is across different social circles. For my wedding the caterers asked about numbers of special diets and we told them to just assume about a third of guests would be vegetarian (hot buffet food). They were taken aback as never encontered more than a token handful of veggies in one place - and this is in West London!

wishingchair · 08/01/2010 10:09

She's a loon. Went to friend's hindu wedding and food was completely veggie. Was delicious, even DD who was 3 at time didn't complain.

And she was 3.

treedelivery · 08/01/2010 11:38

Wedding bring out the worst in people on some occasions don't they?

I am always just really please that a) I am liked enough to be asked and b) they are prepared to buy my dinner for me.

Not enough graciousness these days

Nefertari · 08/01/2010 11:59

It's the bride's choice what she haves at the wedding. As a meat eater, if I were invited to a veggie wedding, I'd eat the veggie food (and lots of it is really tasty, anyway). The friend needs to get a grip and not spoil someone's day for something so petty. I don't see this as forcing views onto anyone, simply their choice for their special day.

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