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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for commenting to my dd about her friend's noisy consumption of her hot chocolate?!

96 replies

onthepier · 07/01/2010 16:36

My dd aged 10, had her friend for a sleepover last weekend, they get on well but I can't help but find this girl irritating. For instance, if I was on the computer, phone or even reading the paper I'd come out of the room to find her hurrying away, I knew full well she'd been lurking by the door each time although she denied it!

Anyway, the children played out in the snow and I made them hot chocolates when they came in. My dd's friend drank hers so NOISILY! It was slurp, slurp and when she started the noisy chomping of the marshmallows something in me snapped! They'd just about finished by then and were eager to get back out in the snow. My dd's friend went first and just before my dd followed I whispered, "Does she normally eat/drink that noisily, it's driving me mad!"

Anyway, I obv didn't realise my dd's friend had hung back, she didn't hear what was said but apparently made my dd repeat it which she did although she felt uncomfortable.
I didn't know any of this until they were back at school and this girl was giving me dirty looks and shouting she didn't like me at the school gate!

I'm feeling bad now as I like her parents and I wouldn't want there to be bad feeling, I'm sure she's told them as they haven't been nearly as chatty to me this week! Was I being unreasonable or is this girl oversensitive?

OP posts:

timelordvictorious · 07/01/2010 17:00

Really unreasonable and very mean. Imagine if your daughter came home saying this had happened to her. You not only made a rude comment about her, but you were doing so behind her back.

I was always taught that part of good social behaviour is to make others at ease, even if they had manners different to my own. There's a scene in To Kill A Mockingbird in which Scout is punished by her father for drawing attention to a guest pouring molasses on his meat - it's a similar situation, only you are the adult who should know better.

You've made the poor girl uncomfortable, and have taught your daughter that it's ok to behave as such.

I think you should apologise to the girl and hope you haven't lost your daughter a friend.

brimfull · 07/01/2010 17:02

yabu and it was rude of you to whisper behing the girl's back

But I am also shocked at this girl shouting that she didn't like you at the school gate.

acatcalledfidget · 07/01/2010 17:02

It drives me mad that older children don't eat with their mouths closed...it's basic manners, and unless they have a cold and can't breathe, totally unnecessary. But probably best not to have commented to DD...we all make mistakes though don't chastise yourself forever.

5Foot5 · 07/01/2010 17:03

I think it was insensitive to say something while the child was there.

I can understand your irritation though as noisy eaters and drinkers really get to me too. I am surprised at previous posters who say they wouldn't even mention this to their own children if they were noisy. If you don't mention it then who on earth do you think will?

I have twice had to sit opposite adults at work who were incredibly noisy eaters. Chomping away with their mouth wide open apparently without any thought that others might find this unpleasant. I can only assume that nobody remonstrated about this wiht them when they were children and so they never learnt any different.

This child was 10 and surely by that age old enough to be learning to eat and drink in a socially acceptable manner. I agree it wasn't the OPs place to point that out, but don't you think her own parents should?

Heqet · 07/01/2010 17:09

I agree with that, 5foot5, noisy eaters drive me insane. Maybe the parents do tell her though? I am constantly on at mine about their table manners!

brimfull · 07/01/2010 17:10

God yes , paretns should def point it out.

RainRainGoAway · 07/01/2010 17:16

Hang on, I just re-read a post by Saltire. Would you really not mention to your DS about something as gross as eating noisily? why would you not mention it? Would he be really hurt, or does it really not bother you? I am just intersted.

Surely its something parents should teach their children, how to eat without noise or showing every bit of semi-masticated Wotsit.

cakeywakey · 07/01/2010 17:20

Better for it to be pointed out tactfully at home surely than by someone else?

My elder sisters were never tactful about pointing out my shortcomings along these lines, so it is best to be gentle. It can be very embarrasing when it's brought up as people honestly may not realise.

malovitt · 07/01/2010 17:24

I'm in a minority, but I would have told the girl myself, gently or maybe in a jokey way, to stop slurping. She's ten, not a baby.

I cannot stand people eating noisily, chewing gum or rattling sweets around their mouths. It's ill mannered, turns my stomach and I would ask anyone in my house to stop doing it.

I would also be fuming if my ten year old shouted at an adult, who had been kind enough to invite them for a sleepover, at the school gate too.

tulpe · 07/01/2010 17:29

agree with malovit - I would have said something myself directly to the girl but using a gentle approach. In fact DS1 had a sleepover for his birthday and I did ask one of his guests to stop slurping his Coco Pops.....truly makes me gag.

DS1 can also be a noisy eater and we have to constantly ask him to not do it.

pointydig · 07/01/2010 17:41

this cannot be true

EcoMouse · 07/01/2010 17:43

Hot chocolate was created for slurping.

However, with no other edible substance is noise necessary.

Nevertheless, you're a 'Orrible 'ost! The manners you displayed were far worse ...and presumably, you're an adult!

mumeeee · 07/01/2010 17:44

YWBVU and very rude. She is a child of 10 and a guest in your house.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 07/01/2010 17:44

I can't believe you would say such a thing to a child. Did you not think she would repeat it to her friend? You were rude, mean and a bit silly tbh but you have solved the problem of having her round now.

hocuspontas · 07/01/2010 17:51

Are you sure this isn't a joke and you forgot to namechange?

I think you are amazingly shallow because your only concern is whether the parents still like you or not!

KurriKurri · 07/01/2010 18:24

Don't know if this is for real or not but..... I imagine your DD doesn't necessarily like all of your friends, but I'm sure if she said something so rude to them that they felt unwelcome in your house, you'd be pretty annoyed.

Maybe this little girl lurks around doors when you are in a room because she's slightly scared of you and doesn't know whether she can come in or not.

10 year olds do sometimes make mistakes in social etiquette, because they're children. Yes it can be irritating to adults, but to hurt this child's feelings over something so trivial, shows an astonishing lack of empathy.

MissWooWoo · 07/01/2010 18:39

YABVU

the girl is 10.

you are meant to be a grown up.

sounds like you have given your daughter her first lesson in bitchyness ... roll on the teenage years

mummyofexcitedprincesses · 07/01/2010 18:55

The poor child must have felt mortified. Do you encourage your daughter to bitch about people behind their backs? How would you like it if your daughter came home from a friend's house saying the mum had been whispering mean comments about her?

YABVVU and need to grow up.

As for the noisy eating/drinking, yes it is annoying but there are ways. If DD or a friend is slurping I suggest a 'who can eat and drink the quietest?' competition. Stops me getting wound up.

screamingskull · 07/01/2010 19:05

I too think you should have jokingly said to the girl directly about the noise.

I too can not stand noisy eaters but also do think YABVU

MadamDeathstare · 07/01/2010 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mooncupflowethover · 07/01/2010 19:34

YANBU. You are perfectly justified in being irritated by a. her previous evesdropping behaviour, and b. her noisy slurping (a pet hate of mine). At the age of 10 she is perfectly capable of eating and drinking quietly, and should have been taught to.

You didn't make your comment directly to the child, a fact which a lot of people on here seem to be missing. You didn't expect her to hear it, therefore you weren't being unkind to her directly.

Everyone makes unkind comments about others, even people we love if they've been irritating. We would be mortified if the people we were commenting about heard us.

It's just unfortunate that your DD repeated it to your friend, there's not alot you can do about that. Let it go, it'll pass.

No-one has commented on a 10 year old shouting 'I don't like you' to an adult. I'd be furious if my DS did that. Different world to when I was a kid I guess.

pigletmania · 07/01/2010 19:42

YABU and very rude and childish you should know better as an adult fgs. What example are you setting to your dd whispering to her about her friend very silly indeed imol

Merrylegs · 07/01/2010 20:13

You made her hot chocolate with marshmallows AND had her for a sleepover?

You deserve a blardy medal.

Do not worry about parents. Next time you see them, just say cheerfully 'Look, to be clear, I really like you guys. It's your kid I can't stick."

They will understand.
It'll be fine.....

Heqet · 07/01/2010 20:46

onthepier, come out, come out wherever you are

see, now you have her cowering in the corner, folks

Original poster

onthepier · 07/01/2010 20:52

I'm home from work, didn't expect so many replies! For the record, I'm not a "bitch" as some of you have put it. I was getting slowly more irritated as the day went on and said this to my dd really before I thought.

As a couple of people have pointed out, my comment was definitely not for the visiting child to hear, although I realise I shouldn't have said it. Tbh it doesn't seem to have affected my relations with the parents anyway, as the mum left me a message this evening asking if I could look after her youngest for a couple of half days next week, if the nursery is still closed because of snow.

Also she doesn't loiter behind doors at my house because she's wary of me. One day I was round at hers, having a coffee with her mum when we discovered her trying to hook up her younger sister's baby listener to a plug socket near the living room door, to eavesdrop on our conversation! She got a real telling off from her mum about it. I told my dd I hoped she wasn't involved, (she wasn't), but she just laughed and said her friend's favourite hobby is spying!

OP posts:

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