to sell the xbox my son got for christmas to pay his phone bill?

[fatkatyslim]

just checked my bank account and my sons phone bill has gone out,£178!!!
phone was a gift for his birthday and i pay the £30 monthly for chores he does around the house.i phoned vodafone and they have confirmed he has been downloading games,he was given the phone on the trust that this would not happen.so,do i sell his xbox?

God you lot are harsh. What about learning opportunities? If you act in a dictatorial way he will respond as such, and you'll forever be in a position of a power struggle. Much better to work through it as adults, so that he can see how to tackle problems in a sensible methodical way rather than going off the deep end which ultimately achieves nothing except resentment? Give him the opportunity to put it right. He will appreciate being treated like an (young) adult rather than a child and will probably surprise you with his response.

He's been given the opportunity to act responsibly. Didn't work out too well, did it

Maybe if the mother taught him some responsibility n the 1st place, then none of this would not have happened.

Yes the child was wrong to download,(or was he, hes 13 and has unlimited access to the Internet) but if he has not been taught or is even been made aware of the concept of money and worth, then how on earth is he supposed to be responsible at the tender age of 13!

By no means am I saying the child gets away scot free, but I think the OP is the silly one and should stop blaming her child and punishing him more that necessarily that needs be.

Lesson learnt, but funny how in some cases we only take our responsibility serious when it affects our pockets!

Yes Cat possibly it's because most of my DDs friends live quite a distance from school and use the coach service and the others are friends from drama/dance where it can be quite worrying if they can't contact you to say 'we've finished early'

Incidentally my DD doesn't carry her phone around as a matter of course - she moans it feels uncomfortable in her pocket !

What is better, to earn money and keep the xbox while at the same time teach her child the value of work and money?

Or to sell the xbox, lose MORE money as she wont be able to sell it for the price she paid for it, and at the same time dish out a punishment which not really befitting the crime, and shame him infront of his peers, because he has not only lost his gadgets, but he has a draconian mum to be ashamed of.

I am puzzled as to why he needs a £30 contract anyway, seems an awful lot for a 13 year old.

But I agree he ought to work it off somehow - and a definite ban on electronic priveleges for a wee while (ie, no phone, no internet except for school work, no X-Box)

"but he has a draconian mum to be ashamed of.
"

What bollocks. Makes a change to hear someone that is prepared to administer some discipline rather than endless "negotiation" wth their children.

I know we didn't have these things when I was 13 but we did have premium rate phone numbers, joke numbers you could call which cost £1+ per minute, I knew perfectly well at 13 that I would have been flayed alive if I had run up a phone bill like that. So I didn't.

I can't see tbh that the solution to a child who uses all their credit on pay as you go phone in one day (because they clearly have no self control) is to get them an uncapped contract phone instead, but there we go....

I wouldn't just sell the x box, I would very much make it his problem, as lions suggests. Confiscate both phone and x box until paid off though.

I think that was unneccesarily harsh, LittleMrsHappy!

he is 13 and a) you got him a contract phone and b) you are surprised that he went nutso and racked up a mahoosive bill ?

More fool you, OP!

Yup. because because being draconian and totalitarian works. Long term. Very well.

I just thinks it is a hasty NON-parenting reaction to previous lack of supervision and parenting, dished out thoughtlessly in hindisght. And that is why it wont work. It is the easy way out, which again excludes any real parenting on the part of the parent.

Fibilou "but he has a draconian mum to be ashamed of."
What bollocks. Makes a change to hear someone that is prepared to administer some discipline rather than endless "negotiation" wth their children.

Here here Fibilou!
Good lord, look at the current state of affairs with kids going off the rails left right and center!
I "parent" my children, even the older ones. They have a set of guidelines and they stick to them or else there are consequences. They don't spend evenings hanging round on street corners where they could get into trouble, they also don't spend all night festering in their rooms (been there, done that for a few months with 17yr old DS, not a good result).
Can't stand all this right on let them behave like adults at 13 or whatever, they are still children and need guidance for goodness sake!

Yes, but true.

I think its also unnecessarily harsh when punishing her child, when no boundaries or teaching was ever shown.
He could not be responsible with a PAYG phone, so how was he going to be responsible with a contract one with unlimited phone and Internet connection, which I may add went unsupervised.

I thinks is a tough lesson learned, but the OP would have allowed her child to continue as he was, but is now only thinking to do so now, as it hit her pocket heavily.

If it was me, the mobile phone took away, X-BOX restricted and more chores done, until I taught my child value in life.

My son is only 3.5 and knows the difference between a need and a want, he still asks but I put boundaries in place, for his well being and safety and also most importantly because I have a responsibility to teach and show him values that will be a tremendous asset to his adult life.

I don't think negotiation and discipline are mutually exclusive by any means.
Yes, kids are kids and need guidance and boundaries of course they do, but people act according to how they are treated. Giving someone a bit of respect (especially since this isn't entirely his fault as it seems he wasn't aware of the full consequences and didn't receive absolutely specific instructions) goes a long way.

In the future when he's an adult how do you want him to deal with problems? GO to someone who will tell him what to do, or work it out for himself and take ownership of the problem?

think, not thinks.

sorry but my windows Internet is all very and my keyboard is stuck and driving me insane lol x

I wouldn't sell it. I would take the phone away and unplug the x-box for a month.

Firstly, you don't know that no boundaries or discipline have ever been given, and secondly, with all due respect, it is very different parenting a teenager than parenting a toddler.

"It really makes me laugh what short memories people have. We all managed perfectly well 15 years ago without this wretched curse of mobile phones. I hate the things, I manage to live my life perfectly well without one."

I agree with you completly fibilou

I do know that, as she has said it in her posts!

I also have a 11 year old sister whom I have parental responsibility too also, from the age of 6! she has been in my care!

My posts still stands!

Parental responsibility for!

We'll have to agree to differ, then.

I have read all the OP's posts on the thread, and can't find the one where she said that no boundaries or teaching have been set in the past - is it on another thread somewhere?

She hasn't directly said it. but has indirectly said it in her posts and by going by the posts and her contexts its not exactly rocket science to come to the conclusion I and many other posters have.

Taken into context of all her posts, and her accepting she was irresponsible and "lesson" learnt", I think is a major give away by her not setting boundaries or teaching them to him, she went from one drastic action to the other, and at No time did the OP mention boundaries or even teaching them to her child.

A classic of her posts was that, he kept using all his call credit on the day his phone was credited, so because of this,she brought him a contract phone with unlimited call charge. At no point has the OP said she showed or taught him responsability to the phone.

I think you are reading very different things into her posts than I am, LittleMrsHappy.