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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sell the xbox my son got for christmas to pay his phone bill?

133 replies

fatkatyslim · 06/01/2010 09:12

just checked my bank account and my sons phone bill has gone out,£178!!!
phone was a gift for his birthday and i pay the £30 monthly for chores he does around the house.i phoned vodafone and they have confirmed he has been downloading games,he was given the phone on the trust that this would not happen.so,do i sell his xbox?

OP posts:
LittleMrsHappy · 06/01/2010 10:05

I be more concerned about the bigger picture, that YOU have gave him a mobile phone with Internet access, with no parental mointerning.(sp)

You say the phone bill is £30 pm, to download games which at the most each game costs £10, so that's 10 games, which might be unsuitable for a 13 year old, and your complaining that he took advantage of his responsibility, well you failed him in your parental responsibility by giving him unlimited access to the Internet unsupervised.

I dont know why a 13 year old needs a mobile phone anyway, let alone a contract one, as if he is not using the phone sensibly (which you have said on the PAYG) then how on earth did you give him and aso expect him to learn to use a contract one sensibly

I think both of you need to take responsibility (or lack of with you) for you actions and not blame your son 100%.

I would confiscate him mobile completely, until you teach and show him that money does not grow on trees and also personal responsibility on all aspects of trust.

ajandjjmum · 06/01/2010 10:05

One word of warning re. cost limits on contract phones. We took out a contract through Carphone Warehouse for dd who was 13 at the time, with a pre-agreed limit. They did not apply the limit, and later told me that whether they did or not was discretionary. Obviously I hadn't been told that at the time of signing!! I cancelled the direct debit, but it took 18 months of wrangling - with me asking them to take me to Court to let someone sensible look at the situation - before they finally got debt collectors etc. off my back.

So it's a great idea - but you need to be absolutely sure it will be applied!

underactivethyroidmum · 06/01/2010 10:07

YANBU to confiscate both phone and x box and I would insist that he does a sufficient amount of chores/work in order to pay back the amount before they are returned.

I also think giving a teenager/child a contract phone is no big deal, if they are responsible with it and treat it as something that they must look after and treat with caution.

My 10yr old DD has a contract phone without a limit - its a business contract, but when she got it the conversation that came before it was handed over discussed how such companies 'rip off' youngsters with download charges and how the handset is quite a desireable item for thieves

I firmly believe that if you don't allow children to have some responsibility and remove it if it is abused, they grow up incapable of becoming sensible adults

hambler · 06/01/2010 10:07

Do most 13 year olds have mobile phones these days?

skihorse · 06/01/2010 10:08

Why does he actually need to be making so many calls? Seriously, when I was a teenager (I can't believe I just said that) I would get a right rollocking if I were on the phone all the time. I think a couple of calls a week were acceptable and most were "see you in the park in 10 minutes?" type stuff.

Back to the point - I'm going to assume you have internet right? Isn't he chatting on msn/bebo/myface/whatever? If he wants to 'talk' he'll have a microphone and can use free programmes to do so. You don't need to be paying for ANY phonecall a teenager needs to make.

MrsRigby · 06/01/2010 10:09

What the hell does you 10 year old dd do with a mobile underactivethyroidmum???

MattBellamysMuse · 06/01/2010 10:10

Skihorse, times have changed.

Original poster
fatkatyslim · 06/01/2010 10:10

the internet is limited on his phone,he has no access to any site not suitable for his age.he has a mobile so i can keep in touch with him.he has alot of after school activities and i like to know that he is safe walking home in the dark on his own.

OP posts:
oldernowiser · 06/01/2010 10:11

MrsRigsby, I felt like you, but ours (9 & 10) have them because we live in a village where they can go out on bikes, round to friends, to the park, round to Gran etc without us (you'll all probably flame me now as iresponsible!) and I'm just happier knowing that they can call me and I can call them.

I don't think it's reasonable to take phone completely because he'll either use the home phone all the time, or OP will fret when he's out because she can't contact him.

I'd suggest giving ds a set allowance each week (monthly when he's older) paid into his bamk account. Be really clear what it has to cover (should definitely include phone yop ups) and when it's gone it's gone. You have to weather the mithering, but it stops in the end if you stand firm. (We did this with eldest son, now 28 and it was a bit of a struggle initially but did work)

noddyholder · 06/01/2010 10:12

Take away teh phone and get him a payg and put a fiver a month on it.He is 13 doesn't need a fancy phone and £30 is too much

MrsRigby · 06/01/2010 10:12

I didn't have a mobile until I was 17 and even then I didn't need it.

And it was a pay as you go that I had to pay to top up.

oldernowiser · 06/01/2010 10:13

phone top ups even!

LittleMrsHappy · 06/01/2010 10:16

their is no age restriction on mobile phones only pc and laptops
if the Internet is limited, how could he have downloaded £130 worth of games?

you might like to know where he is, but also teach your child responsibility and also yourself as his parent, your responsibility to him!

LIZS · 06/01/2010 10:16

Does he need a phone ? If he was constantly running out of credit that would flag up to me that he needed help learning to budget and that setting effectively no limit on contract was probably not a good idea Damage done now, but frankly I'd take it all away until he demonstrates he is able to cover his own spending.

cat64 · 06/01/2010 10:17

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rachw1 · 06/01/2010 10:18

My dd has had a phone since she was 8. After one time she was left on her own after a rehearsal because they finished early and had no way to contact me - the older kids all phoned their folks. A whole other story about why she was left on her own, but it happens and has happened since.

She had PAYG (aged 12) and now has a contract because it is £15p/m unlimited texts. She has had the contract since May and has gone over a few quid at most, she knows how to check the balance herself and lets me know if she has gone over and offers to pay for this. She knows that if she does anything daft it will be back to PAYG and no unlimited texts to her friends!

I think this is all good in terms of teaching her how to manage these things. She is likely to have to go away to college at 16 (she wants to dance) and so will need to be able to act responsibly with money by that age anyway.

noddyholder · 06/01/2010 10:19

My ds has a phone on PAYG and when his £10 runs out thats it.It always runs out although he is getting better but has taken years.He dreams of an iphone but it will never happen unless he fundds it himself.He is just not ready to budget and if you keep bailing him out you will have chaos when he is older as he will expect this level of 'stuff' and it just gets more £

Original poster
fatkatyslim · 06/01/2010 10:20

thank you for all your opinions,have decided what to do.
he had unlimited txts and 600 mins per month.i trusted him not to download games,obviously i was wrong.lesson learnt.

OP posts:
Fibilou · 06/01/2010 10:33

"I just think selling the brand new Christmas present is likely to make him feel very angry and alienated."

So what ? He should be made to feel consequences, I have no doubt that the OP is angry that she has a £178 bill to pay.

I say definitely sell the Xbox, it will teach him a lesson.

underactivethyroidmum · 06/01/2010 10:34

Mrs Rigby my DD is a member of a drama group that often rehearses for and which had undefined finishing times - she phones us 15 mins before she needs picking up usually twice a week

She also goes to school in the next town and comes home by coach - she rings if the coach is delayed which is frequently up to half an hour !

Most 10 year olds have a mobile and many younger children too

cat64 · 06/01/2010 10:40

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Fibilou · 06/01/2010 10:41

It really makes me laugh what short memories people have. We all managed perfectly well 15 years ago without this wretched curse of mobile phones. I hate the things, I manage to live my life perfectly well without one.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 06/01/2010 10:41

I disagree that selling the xbox is going to teach him anything valuable.

Only that his mum, the adult, can be as unreasonable and shortsighted as he, the child.

He needs to learn to be responsible. I agree he has to do extra housework, or find odd jobs to pay back the money. Can he shuffle snow for neigbhours, wash cars? It might earn him a couple of pounds. It will do him good to see how much, how long, and how hard he has to work to earn £178, and this will teach him a more valuable lesson than showing him that expensive items such as an xbox is so invaluable that it can be sold at a loss just to prove a point.

Fibilou · 06/01/2010 10:44

It's hardly "just to prove a point" is it. Money doesn't grow on trees, ergo something must be sold to pay the phone bill that he has run up.
If I had done the same at 13 (would never have disobeyed my mother) and the X box be stolen I think I would have learnt that lesson pretty quickly.

Fibilou · 06/01/2010 10:45

Sold, not stolen. Goodness knows where that came from, I've been off work for a fortnight now..

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