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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my friends who bring their staving hungry kids to parties?

132 replies

sighsighsigh · 01/01/2010 21:15

Over this Xmas period I have held a couple of evening get-togethers for a few of my friends and all our children. However, I have noticed that a couple of my friends will always bring their children along ravenously hungry. These children will within 30 minutes to an hour of arriving, will be constantly pestering me in the kitchen for food - demanding to know where the food is. (I usually serve food approx 1 - 1.5 hours of arrival time and there is always plenty of food to go around.) One friend of mine, admitted that when there is a party she will be quite happy to skip the children's tea - which would explain why her children would be ravenous by the evening.
So, ABIU to
a) find the children's behavior irritating and rude
b) to be annoyed with their parents too?

OP posts:
2rebecca · 02/01/2010 13:10

My dad says Horse's Doovers.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 02/01/2010 13:14

YABU you'd be very p'd off if no-one ate anything cause they'd eaten before they arrived.

mumeeee · 02/01/2010 13:16

YABU, Kids expect to eat at parties, We haddd a big family party at my sisters on 28th December. Food was served about 30 minutes after everyone had arrived. This is noemal at the parties we go to. If the food is going to be served later than nibbles are made available.

traceybath · 02/01/2010 13:25

Well yabu to expect people to wait so long for food.

But I don't let my children ask for food/drinks in other people's houses - they wait to be offered.

I do find it rude when the first thing a child says is 'may i have whatever'. But I'm always quick to offer.

TheFallenMadonna · 02/01/2010 13:34

Its rude for children to be pestering you in the kitchen for food. And it's rude of their parents to let them. Still if you all know it's going to happen, then firstly you ahold have something to give them when they come in the door, and secondly their parents should be feeding them before they arrive to stall them a bit.

muminthemiddle · 02/01/2010 13:39

The children are being rude and their parents should repremand them BUT if you are offering food then people will not eat before they arrive!!!

If it were me I would be insulted if guests said they had already eaten.

Agree with other posters re children's appetites. My mum is often asking if I ever feed my children as every single time they visit her they tell her they are starving, even when they have just eaten

Earthstar · 02/01/2010 13:52

There should be some kind of food offered within 15 mins of arrival - nibbles is fine - so I think YABVU not to offer food at all for up to an hour and a half. If it is a party then "party food" ie dips/ crisps / stuff that doesn't need heating up should surely be available from the start pretty much. You can serve stuff that needs to be hot a bit later on though.

Kids should then not pester you and if they do it is rude. Make sure there is bread available for starving kids, but don't pander to idiosyncracies.

Pikelit · 02/01/2010 14:14

Nobody should be allowed to pester for food but then, reasonably, no child should be expected to wait 1.5 hours when they know there's scoff to be scoffed. When my boys were v.small and we'd been invited anywhere much past their teatime (5-6) I would usually make sure the edge had been taken off their appetite. It didn't stop them wanting to eat anything that hadn't been nailed down, though. But they would never have been allowed to beg and harass the hosts.

I'm a fan of getting children to pass crudities and horses' doovers round. Keeps them occupied and gives them the chance to sneak the occasional snackette. I'm not a fan of strict rules about when people can eat though. Latecomers should accept that they won't get first go at the trough.

Clary · 02/01/2010 16:25

hmm those who say parents should give their DC some food before going to a party - what time are we talking here?

I took my 3 to a lunchtime party on NYD - it was advertised as starting at noon. We got there about 12.15pm. Food was on offer more or less at once and we all ate heartily!

No, I didn't feed anyone before we went. Why would I? I knew it included food - it would have been bizarre (surely) to force a sandwich down the DC at 11.30am?

PuppyMonkey · 02/01/2010 16:32

Yes, the whole point of accepting an evening party invite with food is that you don't have to cook bleddy tea yourself.

Maybe you should state on the invite what time the food will be served. For clarification.

Pikelit · 02/01/2010 16:32

I'd not have fed my dcs either before a lunchtime party. Their breakfast would still be keeping them going.

But it was when early evening parties (that did not necessarily include full, sit down sort of meals) started within an hour or so after normal teatime that I'd consider giving them a sandwich beforehand. As I said before, mine had voracious appetites so this wasn't going to be the ruination of them. But if the party had been at, say 5pm, then no, pre-feeding would have been silly and pointless. However, all this is very child-specific. Some, I am sure, can go hours past normal mealtimes without a squeak. Not that I recall being introduced to one of them.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/01/2010 17:43

guess depends what time the partys are - ie if near tea time then obv the parents arent going to feed their children before they come to you, if they know you are doing food

making them wait 60/90mins seems a long time (to me,let alone a child) - so have a huge bag of crisps and give a packet to each child when they ask you for food/as they come in

MadameCastafiore · 02/01/2010 17:47

You are a crap host.

You shouldn't be in the kitchen getting food ready when you have guests - it should all be done with bowls of nibbles, crudite and dips placed around for the children to enjoy before the main food event.

domesticextremist · 02/01/2010 18:00

can apes are what you need there...

Agree with everyone else - have some snacks out - crisps and spicy nuts and mincemeat palmiers went down well round ours this year...

I wouldnt feed mine because its embarassing when they dont eat someones lovingly well prepared food - you just cant win can you...

alicet · 02/01/2010 21:51

Only skim read thread...

Um if i was going to a party with food I would give me kids snacks as normal but not tea! I would be expecting them to eat at the party!!!

I would suggest that on the invites you make it clear what time food will be served so that people can choose this option if they wish. Tbh I would expect to eat more than a couple of crisps for an hour and a half - normally I would expect to eat about 30 mins after arriving at someones for food. Although i do take the point that people often arrive late.

If this is a persistant problem I would have bags of crisps / more nibbles available for kids who ask for food.

LynetteScavo · 02/01/2010 21:59

The children are pestering you for food within 30 mins- 1hr of arriving. you sereve food 1 - 1.15 mins of arrival time.

What kind of food are you serving? A sit down meal? If so, there should be nibbles.

A buffet? If so it should already be laid out.

Do you make people wait for drinks as well?

pigletmania · 02/01/2010 22:05

Yes a buffet should really be laid out just before guests come really.

MeddlesomeRatbag · 02/01/2010 22:05

YABU. If the kids ate thier tea first, then they would probably eat too much at yours (eyes bigger than belly and all that) and vomit everywhere. Serve food a bit earlier if your having a party/get together.

TinaSparkles · 02/01/2010 22:06

To be honest, I would imagine the parents are getting the kids to pipe up about it, as they are probably starving too!

sheepgomeep · 03/01/2010 10:18

I would be embarrassed if my kids weren't hungry at parties

TheWorldFamousKewcumber · 03/01/2010 10:36

Why would you feed your kids before taking them to a party with food? Whats the point in serving food if you don't want people to eat it? DS wouldn't eat beforehand AND eat at a party.

Also I wonder why you are in the kitchen making food after the party has started...?

ImSoNotTelling · 03/01/2010 10:44

Is this an evening dinner party style affair? Or larger buffet style party? How old are the childre, what time does it start?

Or have I missed all this (ran out of steam a bit after the first 300 posts )

gorionine · 03/01/2010 10:59

I would be mortified to have people at home and not have a few nibbles for them as they arrive. No need for something "posh" just a few nuts, crisps or olives to keep people waiting for the beautiful meal you have prepared for them!

If you have something ready in advance, the children will stay "contained" where the food is and not be in your way in the kitchen, trust me, it will make life much easier for you!

RockBird · 03/01/2010 11:14

Two things annoy me about this thread.

Firstly, the large appetite being unattractive bollocks. Very good message to send out to your children...

Secondly, the notion of filling the children up with the 'cheap crap' so that you can send them off and bring out the good stuff for the adults. Why can't the children eat proper good food the same as the grown ups? I assume we're not talking caviar or plates of sprouts here so why do the children need to eat different things?

PotPourri · 03/01/2010 11:18

What about nibbles? That is the norm at parties - bowls o crisps etc. If the DC are hungry, for whatever reason, then they d need fed of they will complain. Sorry, YAB a bit U