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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my friends who bring their staving hungry kids to parties?

132 replies

sighsighsigh · 01/01/2010 21:15

Over this Xmas period I have held a couple of evening get-togethers for a few of my friends and all our children. However, I have noticed that a couple of my friends will always bring their children along ravenously hungry. These children will within 30 minutes to an hour of arriving, will be constantly pestering me in the kitchen for food - demanding to know where the food is. (I usually serve food approx 1 - 1.5 hours of arrival time and there is always plenty of food to go around.) One friend of mine, admitted that when there is a party she will be quite happy to skip the children's tea - which would explain why her children would be ravenous by the evening.
So, ABIU to
a) find the children's behavior irritating and rude
b) to be annoyed with their parents too?

OP posts:
Awassailinglookingforanswers · 02/01/2010 00:00

ooooo I wish people would stop talking about Irn Bru - can't get it round here and I love the stuff

MollieO · 02/01/2010 00:01

What time are these parties? If they are around meal times then it is hardly surprising. Maybe you should have drinks parties only in which case invitees would know the most they can except is a drink and a nut. .

Paolosgirl · 02/01/2010 00:02

That was the noise of me opening a can....mmmmm, lovely it is

dearprudence · 02/01/2010 00:03

YABU. And inhospitable.

mvemjsunp · 02/01/2010 00:04

OP is being unreasonable.

Parties usually involve food and you should not be expected to eat beforehand.

Most all-age parties that I go to or host involve the children eating before the adults. This is for practical reasons in order to seat everyone, and also because you can't expect children to wait until late to eat.

TigerDrivesAgain · 02/01/2010 00:10

OP isn't just being unreasonable, she's disappeared.

Why not have plates of grub to hand round and then get the kids to hand them round. Went to a drinks do recently where DS was one of the few small guests and he was delighted to have been given a job to do with the added treat of scoffing as much as he wanted between handing stuff out.

ButterPie · 02/01/2010 00:35

I have been to several parties over the last few days, with it being christmas and having a big family. Buffet food is ALWAYS out when you get there for you to tuck into straight away and then there will generally be a pan of stew or a big hot pie or something as well. Often people bring food themselves too, but it isn't compulsary. Cold drinks are generally out, the host will offer them round at first but people end up helping themselves and pots of coffee and tea are regulary made by pretty much anyone who happens to be passing the kettle.

The only exception would be something like Christmas or Sunday dinner. To me, if you are sitting down for a posh meal at any other time, you wouldn't generally have kids there and it would be called a "dinner party". I would say you would have a maximum of eight people round the table. Also, you would specify what time you were planning to eat.

Even if friends meet at mine before a night out, I offer nibbles straight away.

I live in the NE and family live in the NW.

MoreCrackThanSantasArse · 02/01/2010 00:42

By hbfac Fri 01-Jan-10 21:24:46

Same with small people. A large appetite is most unattractive and a real social put-off. I've drummed that into my children.

What? You teach your children that controlling their appetite for food makes them more attractive? Not sure that's wise, particularly if you have daughters

I have a very skinny, active 9yo with an amazing appetite for (mostly) good food.
I have always found any comments about this have been positive ones, from parents of fussy eaters who have to bribe and cajole food down their dc's throats.

You sound like one of those hideous, middle aged etiquette coaches, teaching young laaaydies how to behave at upper clarss social functions.

Clary · 02/01/2010 00:47

oh heck we went to a party today and mine were noshing all the way through (to be fair it was a lunchtime party - there was no way you would eat before you came so maybe not the same scenario as yours OP).

My DC always eat wherever food is on offer; I do feed them at home too, honest.

But I have to say if I was taking them to a party where I knew there would be food, I wouldn't feed them first (for fear of what zippy mentions!) - unless you mean you are serving food at 10pm or something - but if party started at 6pm and food was at 7pm, then no, prob no tea beforehand

nappyaddict · 02/01/2010 02:18

Sorry I don't understand. If I am going to a party where there will be food then I won't eat beforehand because it will spoil my appetite and I won't want to eat anything at the party. Surely you wouldn't want everyone to eat beforehand and be too full to eat so your food would go to waste? I would be massively pissed off if I invited someone over for food and when they arrived they said sorry I'm not very hungry I've already eaten. (However a small snack to tide you over if you really couldn't manage to wait would be ok)

Wastwinsetandpearls · 02/01/2010 02:25

My dd will always eat, even if we have just fed her. So she would be begging you for food which is no sign odf the fact that I starve her.

StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 02/01/2010 02:34

I'd do a kids buffet followed by an adults buffet. That way you can stock the children up on cheap crap food and they'll be full by the time you bring out the smoked salmon.

Seriously though, - I hate rude pushy kids. Tell them every time they ask you'll remove a chicken nugget from their personal plate!

StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 02/01/2010 02:42

I've just spent christmas with extended family ILs who rationed the mince pies. We were offered 1, every other day and weren't allowed to take 2. The handing over of them was always accompnied by an appopriate comment such as 'oh, - I hope we have enough to last christmas', or 'are you sure you're not full?'

In the end dh and I bought a box from the supermarket and hid them under the bed for our own consumption. Trouble is, they also had a 'no food or drink in the bedroom' rule, but what can you do........

nooka · 02/01/2010 03:05

YABU. Children don't usually have two evening meals, so why would you feed them when you were taking them somewhere there was going to be food? That would seem very odd to me. However if you intend to serve a late meal, then you should let their parents know before hand so they can give them a snack to tide them over, or just arrive later.

I can see why you get stressed by the nagging in the kitchen, but perhaps that would be solved by a slightly later invite? Then you'd have more prep time without the stress of your guests being there. Or ask the children to help - the nagging might be boredom as much as hunger.

Yummiestmum333 · 02/01/2010 10:00

I'm on the fence with this one: whilst I agree it is annoying to have visiting (or my own) children constantly asking for food and saying they're hungry, it can be easily remedied by putting a few nibbles out straight away, as some of the other suggested. Then you can serve the main food after an hour, and it will be easier as the children won't be under your feet.

I did a buffet on Boxing day for friends and family and like you, served the buffet after an hour of everyone arriving. What I did in the meantime though was put out some bowls of crisps and breadsticks, this kept the kids happy.

flockwallpaper · 02/01/2010 10:56

Put out some snacks as others have said. YAB a bit U. How would you feel if people came to your party having eaten, when they knew that you were planning to provide food for them? I think I would find that more annoying, especially if I had gone to a lot of trouble.

thedollshouse · 02/01/2010 11:08

I would be surprised if your friends are deliberately starving their children so they arrive at your parties desperate for food. I think it is more a case of the children associating parties with food and being impatient. Either leave a few bowls of crisps out as suggested by others or ignore them.

I was at a childrens party recently and a friends ds kept asking for food, I was very embrassed when my friend asked the host if she could serve the childrens food at 11am instead of 12 as her ds was hungry. He wasn't hungry he was just being a piglet!

Hulababy · 02/01/2010 11:12

If you chose to serve the main food 1-1/5 hours after the arrival time - which depending on circumstances is fine IMO - you do need to have nibbles out for all to consume.

If we have friends round for a meal or we are doing a hot buffet, then we may not eat for a good hour or so, but I would always have crisps, olives, breadsticks, crudites, dips, etc on the table to nibble beforehand.

I would never allow DD to pester a host for food, but if she was really hungry - and IMO it is acceptable to turn up to a party where food is served having not eaten - I might try and distract her myself before she got to the host.

Oh, and I much prefer my guests to eat up and enjoy lots of food. Hate to see people just picking at the buffet and not getting it eaten. I am rubbish at judging buffet amounts so there is always loads of food - I just want people to eat it up so less waste!

GhoulsAreLoud · 02/01/2010 11:13

YABU.

You know why.

Rainbowinthesky · 02/01/2010 11:19

Oh god, it would never occured to me that any host would expect my children to have eaten before going to a party. 1 1/2 hours with no food - I would think you were tight.

christie2 · 02/01/2010 11:38

Sorry but I am with the crowd. I hate being invited out and it is clear it includes a meal and arrive at 3 or 4 and have been sitting until 7 waiting to eat. The kids are cranky and hungry and, frankly, so am I. At least put out some food for people to munch on until the meal.

kittywise · 02/01/2010 11:45

you should have nibbles out to eat. yes yabu and tight.

forehead · 02/01/2010 11:50

YABVVU. Children will always want to eat wherever they go. I think that you are really mean spirited. How do you know that they haven't been fed? I like it when people eat in my home, i would rather they eat than throw away food. I cannot abide people who are stingy with food,if you don't want people to eat in your house, don't invite them. Some people do feed their kids before they go out and the children still eat when they visit someone elses home.

LauraIngallsWilder · 02/01/2010 12:05

Horsey Doovers - my new phrase to be used regularly!

OP - I agree children wining for food is annoying
And parents deliberately not feeding the kids is annoying - I often give mine a snack before we go to a party for this reason!

But making them wait is annoying too - give them a big bag of crisps it cant hurt

pigletmania · 02/01/2010 12:07

Like someone said on here how do you know that they have not been fed! They might have been but still when going to other peoples houses develop a sudden appitite

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