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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DH explain what happened to DD's picture?

130 replies

WastedYouth · 31/12/2009 09:15

Just before the chrismas holidays, DD drew a christmas scene at school and stuck cotton wool etc to it.

I stuck it to the kitchen cupboard.

Last night, I asked DH to make me a cup of tea. Admittidly I could have done it myself and I fully admit I was being a bit lazy. However he did it and then shouted of me to go and get it. I went into the kitchen just as he slung the teabag at the kitchen cupboard and shouted "ave it!"

The teabag hit DD's picture and exploded on impact leaving tea splattered all over the cupboard, the ceiling, the wall and the burglar alarm. Worst bit was though that DD's picture is totally ruined.

DH took the pic down before she saw it and I said he should admit what he's done to her. He said there is no need to upset her and it was all my fault anyway for being lazy.

Yes I was being lazy, but should he admit what he's done?

OP posts:
morningpaper · 31/12/2009 14:12

DF: She said he shouted at her, flung the tea bag and then said "it was all my fault anyway for being lazy"

DuelingFanjo · 31/12/2009 14:15

MP - the guy with the remote had a history of aggressive behaviour and was also very unfortunate to have hit her with the remote in a spot which killed her while she was walking away from him.
I don't think that this is the same thing at all, and anyway the OP is asking if he should explain to his kid about what happened to the picture NOT if this is abusive behaviour.

Now the OP might come back with more info about previous behaviour in which case then people might be justified in saying it's a bad thing, but as it stands this seems to be just playing about rather than anything untoward.

My DH want's to know if teabagging is something he often does

whifflegarden · 31/12/2009 14:16

MP, the case of the remote control was very different though. He threw it at her deliberately intending to hit her. Irrespective of the consequences that was wholly unacceptable, and I would categorise as the slippery slope to domestic violence.
Also, iirc that man has a long record of violent behaviour (which as far as we know is not the case here).

whifflegarden · 31/12/2009 14:17

x-post DF

morningpaper · 31/12/2009 14:17

There was no intention of hitting her, funnily enough, it was just a fluke. I was surprised he was jailed.

ANYWAY

How the OP's context is 'funny' or 'banter' though I still fail to see.

DuelingFanjo · 31/12/2009 14:21

Reverse the situation. What if it were the OP who's DH had asked to make a cup of tea? What if it was the OP who playfully splatted a teabag against the wall causing damage to her daughter's picture.

Surely this kind of playful stuff is played out accross the planet all the time by all sexes.

You're all too quick to jump to conclusions of some kind of abuse IMO. Particularly as the OP has come back and has explained it's just him being playful!
All she wanted to know was should her DH fess up to their daughter.

Morloth · 31/12/2009 14:24

We all smack each other in the back of the head in passing. Never hard enough to hurt (well sometimes DH gets right up my nose). Different families have different versions of normal.

norfolkBRONZEturkey · 31/12/2009 14:32

I'm with the fanjo
I'm putting it in the same category as me smearing a cold flannel across dhs face yesterday. Sai d flannel ended up down my cleavage. I can't for the life of me remember what started it but in no way was it abusive.

morningpaper · 31/12/2009 14:32

The OP said he was in a daft mood, not that he was being playful. She also said that he shouted at her for being lazy - is that playful too?

morningpaper · 31/12/2009 14:34

OP HAS buggered off now BUT I still maintain that if my husband shouted at me if I asked for a cup of tea, threw food over the kitchen and then blamed me for being lazy and not making my own tea, I would not be worried about a ruined picture....

norfolkBRONZEturkey · 31/12/2009 14:35

It entirely depends on the tone of voice and body language. I can picture all that happening in my house in jest but I can equally see how in a house where people dont mess around how it could be read differently

Original poster
WastedYouth · 31/12/2009 14:36

Sorry, had to go out!

I have to say, I wasn't expecting such an in depth evaluation of it all! DH does stuff like this all the time.

When we first moved in together (in our old house) we were watching one of those ghost hunt programs one night. Anyway I went into the kitchen and noticed a used tea-bag stuck to the kitchen cupboard. It looked particulary strange because all splatter had been wiped away so it just looked a bit "surreal" stuck there. I was already spooked out by the ghost progrem + it was a new house and I totally freaked! DH found it hilarious and repeated it every now and again for a laugh.

The latest incident was the first time he'd done it in this house. He does do other stupid stuff all the time though, like tying bog roll to the light switch or putting hard back books in my pillow etc. It's just him.

He's not violent or abusive in any way.

OP posts:
poinsettydawg · 31/12/2009 14:37

No nned to admit unless asked. Then be honest.

lol @ the grumpy tea making

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 31/12/2009 14:41

So, he threw the tea bag as a joke right? if thats the case then its fine, i have a couple of friends with "interesting" senses of humour - she regailed me a story of a rancid scone that was passed between them in lunch boxes, gym bags etc. Bit childish of your DH to throw the tea bag but if its his sense of humour - to each his own. If he was serious - he needs a smack in the mouth.

Definately do NOT tell DD, she will be hurt.

Morloth · 31/12/2009 14:43

We have massive bitch fests at each other over whose turn it is to make the tea/coffee, all done in fun - well I think it is fun because I usually win.

Tell you what is unreasonable though expecting you to go to the kitchen to get the tea, at that point what is the point in him making it?

poinsettydawg · 31/12/2009 14:51

a child would not necessarily be hurt at this

whifflegarden · 31/12/2009 15:01

Morloth, I suspect he wanted her to go to the kitchen to get the tea so that he could do his tea bag throwing piece.

jasper · 31/12/2009 15:09

very unreasonable. It should have gone in the compost bin

BigHairyLeggedReindeer · 31/12/2009 15:17

MP I lob things at my kitchen bin all the time. Sort of a minigame when tidying up. Sometimes those things can be a well squeezed teabag. I am a teabag lobber.

I have also drawn on my DH's face with ketchup (and my face too in an "if you eat that brocolli and some carrots and some green beans, and you make an effort to eat them every time you have them, I'll draw on my face and daddies face with ketchup")

Never said 'Ave it, though. And I've never thrown anything AT DH

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 31/12/2009 15:28

This thread has made me giggle.

btw did your daugter notice the picturehad gone?

TheFoosa · 31/12/2009 15:55

did lol at the 'ave it remark, a la Sweeney

DP and his WHOLE family are throwers, not agreessively but if you want them to pass something they lob it at you

cornishgal · 31/12/2009 16:03

He sounds like a real laugh - love "ave it". I'd say nothing at all to the kids, but make him do the tea for the next month... or else!

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 31/12/2009 16:15

I also know the pain of living with a teabagger

clam · 31/12/2009 16:19

Why on earth are you thinking you were being lazy to ask him to make you a cup of tes?

Surely that's part-and-parcel of a loving relationship? And must work both ways.

ImSoNotTelling · 31/12/2009 16:20

Who cleared up the teabag carnage though?