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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find this disturbing and distasteful?

89 replies

standingonmyhands · 31/12/2009 01:59

Just been watching the programme on C4 about the tsunami in 2004. The programme was heartbreaking, it interviewed people who were there and whose family members/friends had died or, luckily, survived.

A couple were interviewed and were laughing on camera, I mean bent double laughing, about the fact that they'd 'had a shag' on the morning in question. All ok, I imagined their story would go on to say that the tsunami hit and they were all ok. But then they went to talk about how their daughter died in the tsunami.

I just found this so awful hat they found it appropriate to find anything amusing about that day. I appreciate that shock can make you say things you may not mean at the time but this documentary was 5 years after the event.

I just found their comments so awful. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
lockets · 31/12/2009 10:36

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SolidGoldpiginablanket · 31/12/2009 10:37

It's just tabloid-reader wank, though, isn't it, this idea that people have to grieve in a particular way to feed the fuckwitted voyeurs who want to run about with their cellophane-wrapped wilting tulips and their pound shop teddies, bawling in the street over stuff that's nothing to do with them.

lockets · 31/12/2009 10:38

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ImSoNotTelling · 31/12/2009 10:39

SGB yet again awed by your turn of phrase.

lazyemma · 31/12/2009 10:43

I didn't watch any of it because I could see from the many prime-time trailers that it was going to be horribly voyeuristic. Thousands of people died that day and thousands more lives were ruined. I'm not sure what C4's programme was supposed to teach us about the disaster, with its REAL ACTUAL VIDEO footage and REAL SURVIVOR TESTIMONY - it was packaged as entertainment and I find that disturbing. YABU if you deliberately tune in to a programme like that and then complain that any of its content distresses you.

noddyholder · 31/12/2009 10:47

The whole show was voyeuritic and in bad taste imvho

hbfac · 31/12/2009 10:50

Wow.

Sorry to gush but that was indeed a mighty turn of phrase by SGB. Someone give this woman a newspaper column.

I'm truly not being sarcastic but it does remind me of the Carol Duffy poem about Diana's death.

[Impressed emoticon]

wannaBe · 31/12/2009 10:52

the whole idea of it is tabloid fodder though, isn't it?

The very idea that people want an insight into the lives of those who have experienced these tradgedies first-hand is just horrible.

I don't think the people filmed are necessarily at fault, although as I said before I have no idea why anyone would want to be a part of such a programme, the people at fault are those who watch it. Because without the viewers, there wouldn't be a market for it..

Olifin · 31/12/2009 10:59

Well, I watched it and I thought it was interesting, not entertaining. It reminded me to treasure what I have; that life is fragile and precious. I don't really care if others think that makes me a fuck-witted voyeur. And no, I don't visit murder scenes with cellophane wrapped flowers either.

missismac · 31/12/2009 11:01

Yes, I'm afraid YAB totally & utterly U. They have been to a hell I can't even bring myself to imagine. Having your 5 year old daughter sucked from your arms into death - can you imagine the hell of self blame and 'if only's' they must have been through over the last few years?

I saw only a couple who had come to a place where they could discuss events leading up to the tragedy with relative joy. A joy that reflected the recollection of the lovely time they were having with their daughter and each other in a beautiful place. When it came to the tsunami itself the destruction of their lives and their absolute devastation and despair at the loss of their daughter was blindingly obvious. For me it was the most honest example of a life after the death of a child that I have ever seen portrayed in any media.

I didn't find them disturbing or distasteful in any way. I found the topic disturbing, but not them. And distasteful? well FGS, words fail me.

comefollowthatstarwithme · 31/12/2009 11:04

When my dd died I made a very bad/crass comment about something I couldn't believe I had said it at the time it just came out.

I think what they were trying to say was that the day started off so perfect and within an hour their whole world was destroyed.

You could see the devastation in their faces they don't need to justify their grief or the way they speak to anyone and I think it is quite insulting to think that once you have lost a child people think you should sit in a little bubble of grief and should not laugh or think about any happy memories you had before your child died.

Georgimama · 31/12/2009 11:06

I didn't watch it because I don't do voyeurism. Can't add anything to what SGB said, really. The idea that people who have been bereaved must behave in a certain way so they don't offend your delicaate sensibilities is in itself, offensive. Count your blessings and thank God it's not you trying to work out how to be normal after losing a three year old child.

comefollowthatstarwithme · 31/12/2009 11:09

Oh and standing I laugh about things that happened around the time of my dd's death 10 years ago(like the time she did a wee in my Mum's coffee when she was changing her bum ) is that ok .

Bambinoloveseggbirds · 31/12/2009 11:09

YABVU. I couldn't watch past that bit. Not because they said they'd had a shag that morning, but because that poor couple, that poor mother describing how she didn't even feel her daughter slip away. How her daughter was so brave but for a whimper. I cried, and like a lot of posters here, I went upstairs and looked at my DS asleep and hoped i would never ever have to go through what they went through.

coldtits · 31/12/2009 11:16

YABU

I have never lost a child, and hope to GOD I never do. I probably wouldn't react typically.

glasjam · 31/12/2009 11:17

Wow! YABVU - You could see their awkwardness and could see that they are carrying that dreadful experience with them every day of their lives. Am utterly aghast that people are sitting in judgement on them because they happened to grasp onto a fragment of a lovely, life-affirming memory that immediately preceded that devestating experience. OK they used the word "shag" - I just interpreted it as a gargantuan effort to be "normal" and alleviate the absolute horror of the story about to unfold. It was blurted out, their body language said a lot- he was trying so desperately to be "casual" and "relaxed" whilst she was sitting forward trying her best to be chirpy - you could feel the effort they were making to hold it together. For God's sake put yourself in their shoes.

The fact that their relationship has survived this and that they have founded the charity and have gone on to have another child is amazing and inspirational.

I am quite genuinely shocked and somewhat saddened at the OP's response.

sheepgomeep · 31/12/2009 11:32

I should imagine that being interviewed for hours about that horrific day probably meant them relieving some pretty painful memories about thier daughter and if they found some relief in laughing then good on them.

I found it quite comforting that they were able to laugh as it means they have reached a point in thier lives where they have been able to move on and carry on rebuilding thier lives.

Yes I did wince but I don't think it detracted from thier interview. I thought them very brave actually as was everyone that appeared on there

scottishmummy · 31/12/2009 11:34

i think you are judgemental and have absolutely no idea about how they feel or their respective coping strategies.bottom line is all this was to you is a tv prog,to them it was a bereavement.

social veneer and just getting by means people generally mask bereavement.superficially appear ok,desolate internally

mayorquimby · 31/12/2009 11:38

YANBU of course bereaved parents should act in a way which makes you feel better about the incident and lives up to your expectations of how devestated they should act.

tigerbear · 31/12/2009 11:38

Effing hell, I too am shocked that the OP and other posters are criticizing this poor couple. I agree with everything glasjam said. I commented about this on the other thread last night about how brave this couple were - you could see they were struggling to remain composed. I can't believe that the OP has called their comment 'disturbing'! The only disturbing thing is the OPs attitude!
FFS, we see this kind of attitude on MN and in the media all the time don't we? If someone doesn't conform to the 'normal' way of grieving or behaving, then they're seen as odd, disturbing or suspicious, as the McCanns were (sorry to bring that up again!).
I find it sad that as a society, everyone is so quick to judge.

tigerbear · 31/12/2009 11:44

Btw, the American couple were smiling and laughing too in their interviews - are they distasteful too, OP? I mean, how dare they laugh after being through such a thing?!

Guad · 31/12/2009 11:47

I was surprised when they said she had died, I had assumed/hoped she was okay as they had been laughing about the morning but who are we to judge how people react or relay the event.

scottishmummy · 31/12/2009 11:50

the really mawkish people are those who scrutinise every nuance of the bereaved and wildly misinterpret facial/vocal intonations

Georgimama · 31/12/2009 11:52

In fact the more I ponder it, the more offensive the OP's attitude becomes. Do you have some kind of original sin fixation? Because they were shagging, their daugther died perhaps?

MadameDefarge · 31/12/2009 12:07

the OP represents a sadly large portion of people who have the emotional range of a soap opera character . And the curtain-twitching judgementalism of the same.