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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that my mum shouldn't be insisting on taking ds away from his home while I'm away having his sister?

69 replies

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 22:47

She's adamant its best for him to stay at her house, less disruptive for him. I'm having a section on thursday so I may be in hospital for three days or so... dh will obviously be in the hospital a lot with me, but he will be home every night.

My mum lives ten minutes from my house, so it's not like I'm making her drive across the country every day just so ds can sleep in his own bed. Or am I being just a bit precious about ds? I just don't want him to think he's being booted out just because his sister is here. He's only 2.3.

I'm sure she's thinking it's just more convenient for her, I've told her I'm happy for dh to leave the hospital at 6pm each night (though he's allowed to stay until 8pm) so she can get home to have her dinner. We live ten mins from the hospital, so she won't even have to do ds's dinner or bath, or anything.

OP posts:

coldtits · 29/12/2009 22:50

Just let her look after him where she wants to, she feels it will be easier at her house, he won't come to any harm - go for it. It will be all exciting for him.

TBH, if he stays in your house and you aren't there, that will be a lot weirder to him that going to nanny's where he isn't expecting you to be there anyway!

KitKatQueensSpeech · 29/12/2009 22:52

Headfairy, is your mum keeping ds overnight? if not then don't worry about him being at her house during the day, maybe she's thinking that he can play at her house during the day and she can return him to your dp ready for bed and your house won't be untidy from him playing during the day.

BlueBumpBlaze · 29/12/2009 22:52

I'm not speaking from experience as a mother, seeing as I'm still pregnant with my first, but I'm the eldest of three. When my mum went in to have my brother and sister, I stayed with my nan. She only lived ten minutes around the corner as well. The second time, I stayed with my auntie and my brother stayed with my nan.

It did me no harm (I would have been 4 and 8) and it was treated as an exciting thing. I got to be fussed over and I was told when I woke up I'd have a new brother or sister.

fernie3 · 29/12/2009 22:53

to be honest I doubt your son will notice, your mother may just be more comfortable in her own house. My oldest was 2 when my second was bornand my second was 2 when my third was born and both have stayed with my father at his house for a week each time (as i was in beforehand) they came home like nothing had happened with a few new toys glanced at the baby and carried on as normal!

they stayed the whole week as my husband was at work for the days before the baby arrived each time and it would have been much more disruptive for him to pick them up drop them off etc.

We packed a special suitcase and made it like a special holiday for them as though they were the main event that week!

good luck for thursday!

Morloth · 29/12/2009 22:53

Probably a lot easier for everyone for your Mum to just keep DS with her while you are away. He will probably have an excellent time being spoiled and fussed over.

ChippingIn · 29/12/2009 22:54

Take a deep breath...

Does he stay overnight at your Mums sometimes or not?

Maybe she'd prefer to be 'in charge' and have him to herself to cook for, bath & bed etc for a few days, rather than just be 'babysitting' till Daddy gets home

Will he have a great time with her and be totally happy or will he be 'ok' but really would prefer to be with Daddy?

At 2.3 he wont feel 'displaced' because of the baby arriving - it's just a matter of doing what he'd be happiest or OK with doing, whilst letting your Mum enjoy the time with him.

I was 3.5 when the new baby came and I thought staying at my Nana's was the best part of getting a new baby!!

Mine field isn't it

KitKatQueensSpeech · 29/12/2009 22:54

I wouldn't want to sit in your house for 3 days looking after your ds when you weren't there iykwim? Its much easier when you are in your own home and will be exciting for your ds too to be at nannys

AgentZigzagsAllGoosedOut · 29/12/2009 22:54

I agree with coldtits, he'll have fun at your mums, and if it's only 10 mins away it's not as if it's unfamiliar to him. You'll just have to be happy that he has somewhere you can feel he is safe while you're in hospital as it is a worry, I'm also having a c-sect on Thurs with DD2 so I hope everything goes well for you

AllThreeWays · 29/12/2009 22:55

If I was looking after a child for 3 days I would much prefer it to be in my own home, as I could get on with my own things, cook in my own kitchen etc. Nothing worse than not being at home when it isn't necessary IMHO

mrsjammi · 29/12/2009 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

UnseenAcademicalMum · 29/12/2009 22:57

DS1 was 3.3 when ds2 was born by elcs. He stayed with my mum (also 10 mins drive away) the day/night that ds2 was born and only came to visit me in hospital after the drip etc was out. After the first night, he went home to his own bed with dp. He only came home then though because my mum works full-time and had a few meetings she couldn't cancel the following day in order to look after him.

scottishmummy · 29/12/2009 22:58

granny is helping you so you need to compromise and allow her to help best as she can.for days you are in hosp and post cs she is in charge

good luck with birth

Original poster

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 22:58

That's really interesting, I really thought I was right, but I guess I'm being hormonal and precious about ds... yes my mum means ds sleeping at her house while I'm in hospital. He has stayed on his own there only once before, but he did stay there for a while with us when we were between houses during the summer.

I have no problem with him being with her at all, though she's terrible with the spoiling bit. He'll come back with no teeth with all the sweets she gives him, but he has been spectacularly clingy to me the last few weeks. I'm worried he'll think we're pushing him away for his sister, but obviously I'm over analysing.

I guess having an older sister who's been jealous of me my whole life (God knows why!) I'm projecting a bit too much.

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poinsettydawg · 29/12/2009 23:00

I think you should let him go over to gran's house. I think it's your own sensitivity that makes you worry that you are booting your son out and I doubt he will see it that way at all.

Your worry is understandable but I think you also need to feel that your mum is happy and comfortable doing the childcare.

Horton · 29/12/2009 23:00

I expect your DS is like my DD, who is 3.3 and still hates not sleeping in her own bed to the point that she will ask on holiday when we can go home. She would be bloody horrified to have to go and sleep at her much-loved grandmother's house, frankly. I do often think they are like cats and dogs at that age and places can sometimes be nearly as comforting as people.

fernie3 · 29/12/2009 23:01

I wouldnt worry about him feeling pushed away at all by this. Mine didnt even seem to link me being away with the baby being home at 2 (maybe mine are just a bit dim though?!)

piscesmoon · 29/12/2009 23:03

I can still remember when my brother was born and I went to stay with my aunt-I loved it and wanted to stay longer! I wouldn't worry-go with whatever is easier for your mum.

Original poster

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 23:04

I hadn't expected my mum to sit at my house all day with ds, she can do what she likes with him during the day, take him back to hers whatever... I was just wondering about the night time thing really.

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Original poster

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 23:05

Agentzigzag... good luck for Thurs too

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thatsnotmymonster · 29/12/2009 23:06

I don't know. My mum looked after ds and dd (3.1 and 21mths at the time) when I had dd2. I was induced so my mum stayed here overnight the night before I went in and the night I was away for. She took the dc's to her house on the day we came home so that dh and I could settle dd2 at home in peace and relax for an hour or so before they came back- when they arrived home they were both upset but particularly ds who had wet himself in the car (very unusual) and his behaviour went quite loopy. I think he was just overwhelmed with it all TBH. He knew exactly what was going on but couldn't quite grasp why I had to go to hospital to have a baby and I think he was actually quite worried about me.

I suppose it really depends on the child though! It hasn't had any lasting effect though and he is now a big nearly 5yo brother who dotes on his baby (19mo) sister.

brook1 · 29/12/2009 23:13

Aaaww, trust me, your ds will be fine. He will be spoilt rotten by gps and it will do him no harm.

Your Dh can make sure the house is nice and tidy for when you come home and DS will be excited to see you all.

How about if you have a word with your mum and just give her a key so that she can have the option of coming back to yours if your ds is upset and wants his own room (its unlikely to happen but at least you're giving your mum the option). Ive been in your situation, and trust me, your mum is thinking that she is doing what is most helpful for you and DH, and she is probably right.

Good luck and enjoy.

Original poster

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 23:17

hahahahahahaha Brook, have you met my dh??? Make the place tidy for when I get back?? I'm dreading what kind of state it'll be in when I get back, secretly I was hoping my mum would do some housework while she was here (hahahaha - kidding folks!)

She already has keys to our place so she can come and go as she needs. There aren't many toys at her house so she may want to come back here to collect some if ds is going spare at theirs.

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KitKatQueensSpeech · 29/12/2009 23:18

I can clearly remember dd1 & dd2 asking if I could hurry up and go to the hospital now because they wanted a sleepover at nanny's....

Facebookaddict · 29/12/2009 23:21

I totally see where you're coming from and think it depends how he views going to Grannys. If he's excited, great go with it. If he's worried or not keen then let him stay there all day then let DH collect to bring home for bedtime.
I had an unexpected delay (5days) with Dd but sacrificed having DH with us in hosp so he could be with DS at our house rather than ship him out. I honestly think it made the whole thing easier and to this day we've had no sibling rivalry (dd now 6 mths). If you can do the same, let granny do the day of section then enjoy baby in hosp yourself and let DH have special 'team b' time with DS...

Original poster

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 23:22

kitkat... how old were they? Do you think each other having their sister there helped them?

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