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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that my mum shouldn't be insisting on taking ds away from his home while I'm away having his sister?

69 replies

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 22:47

She's adamant its best for him to stay at her house, less disruptive for him. I'm having a section on thursday so I may be in hospital for three days or so... dh will obviously be in the hospital a lot with me, but he will be home every night.

My mum lives ten minutes from my house, so it's not like I'm making her drive across the country every day just so ds can sleep in his own bed. Or am I being just a bit precious about ds? I just don't want him to think he's being booted out just because his sister is here. He's only 2.3.

I'm sure she's thinking it's just more convenient for her, I've told her I'm happy for dh to leave the hospital at 6pm each night (though he's allowed to stay until 8pm) so she can get home to have her dinner. We live ten mins from the hospital, so she won't even have to do ds's dinner or bath, or anything.

OP posts:

AgentZigzagsAllGoosedOut · 29/12/2009 23:22

Eeeek...thanks headfairy, I'm shitting myself now!

brook1 · 29/12/2009 23:22

LOL headfairy, yes, I know what you mean, I dont know why I said it really. My dh is the same.

My mum and dad however, had my twins overnight whilst I gave birth to my 3rd and when dh came to collect me from the hosp, they made their way to our house so that they were here when I got home and she had brought a lovely homecooked dinner (how did she manage this with my young twins??).

It was lovely to return home with my dh & new baby to find my twins, my mum and dad, a clean house (which my mum had done whilst the twins slept (she is superwoman).

You are probably tired, hormonal and worrying about everything at the moment, quite understandably. But, things will be ok.

Original poster

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 23:23

How come Agentzigzag? I'm a little nervous of the spinal I must admit. Can't quite get my head around the fact that in two days I'll have two children!

OP posts:

Heated · 29/12/2009 23:25

Ds went on "holiday" to the GPs and had a lovely time - lots of telling him all the lovely things he would be doing. When he came back, baby was tucked away in moses basket (so wasn't holding her) and we made a big fuss of him and heard all about his holiday. Were quite prepared to downplay arrival of his sibling but he was touchingly interested, yet also unbothered.

If you ds is at home, but neither you or dh are there, might he find it more disconcerting than being at his grandmother's house?

KitKatQueensSpeech · 29/12/2009 23:30

2 and 3 yrs old when ds1 was born and 3 and 5 when ds2 was born if that makes sense? Going for a sleepover at nannys while the hospital help get the baby out ( according to giles andre the door is rather tight ) is the best bit of all I think from their point of view.

It probably does help that theres 2 of them, you do worry less 2nd time round anyway as you'll soon find out.

However when I went in to have dd2, dd1 was 20 mnths and not bothered a fig while I was having kittens!

It really hasn't bothered mine at all.

Good Luck with your section btw.

AgentZigzagsAllGoosedOut · 29/12/2009 23:31

Yup, that about sums it up headfairy. DD1 (9) was born by c-sect so it's not so much that, but having another tiny person to look after after so long is a tad worrying

Can't wait to see her little face though

Original poster

HeadFairy · 29/12/2009 23:42

agentzigzag... you're not alone. I'm still trying to get my head around getting two of them in to bed before midnight... I guess ds will be watching a lot of In the Night Garden for the first few weeks, not that he'll complain

Heated, I hadn't thought of that (the bit about it being wierder for ds to be at our house with us not being there)

I guess a solution is to see how he goes on the first night, if he's really upset then he can always sleep at home on the second night. Perhaps I'd better start telling him tomorrow about his "holiday", start bigging it up a bit. Ho ho ho, I'm going to tell him his neni is going to take him swimming and to the park every day

OP posts:

smokinaces · 30/12/2009 09:04

My DS1 was 19mo when I went in to have DS2. He ended up being an emcs and I was in for 4 nights. The 1st night my mum had DS1 at my house - he was so disrupted by Daddy coming and going, and no Mummy when he woke up etc etc my mum asked if she could take him to her house instead. I agreed - and he was so much more settled. She brought him up to see his dad and me and the baby at the hospital every day, and he came to bring the baby back to his house too - but staying at his Grandmas really seemed more settling for him.

OP I would let him go - he will be having so much fun with his Nan I doubt he will feel pushed out.

CaptainUnderpants · 30/12/2009 09:16

Will not do him sny harm at all to be at Grandma's. Your Dh may be tired also and could probably do with not dealing with a 2.3yr old during the night etc.

My DS 20 months when his brother came along .

Grandparents came up to look after him whilst I went in for induction , the next day I came home with his new brother - he helped carry the baby into the house etc - which I think is important for him to be there when baby comes home- but then next day he was went on holiday to Grandparents for a few days and had a great time whilst myslef and hubby got to grips with baby !

Are well balanced 9 & 7 yr olds !

Children are more robust than you think at times.

Lancelottie · 30/12/2009 09:44

HeadFairy, just for a bit of context here, a good friend rang me in a panic when her second baby came early and all her arrangements fell through. Her DH dropped their toddler (plus, thank god, her comfort blanket!) with us and zoomed off. The toddler barely knew us, and she had to stay for three days as it was a complicated labour.

She was absolutely fine, though everyone else was somewhat traumatised!

peppapighastakenovermylife · 30/12/2009 09:47

When I was pregnant with DD I was so worried about what would happen with DS - it became a huge issue for me. I worried about him being upset that we were not there, would be sleep, would he eat etc etc. In reality it was fine - I went into labour, my parents picked him up and he stayed with them overnight and the next day. He was fine and really enjoyed it (was having a home birth).

What I am trying to say - and I am not being condescending or belittling of your feelings at all so apologies if it sounds like that - but I bet when it comes down to it, it wont matter as much. Why not ask your mum to go with the flow - if he is happy to be with her do so, if not ask her to take him back to your house.

I bet he copes just fine. It was one of my huge concerns about what would happen to my 'baby' when I was having DD. I kept nagging DH to ring my parents at all hours of the night when I was in labour . He coped just fine

pigletmania · 30/12/2009 10:12

YAB a bit U i would love it if my mum did if the time comes, but she is elderly and could not really cope, that means that i could have piece of mind that my dc is being well looked after while me and dh concentrate on having the baby and not have to worry about dc. Just chill, and concentrate on having your new dc, its not going to hurt your ds at all to spend a few nights with his granny, someone he knows and has been to her house so is not that unfamiliar.

pigletmania · 30/12/2009 10:15

Your dh would probably appreciate the rest and catch up on sleep tbh, when we had dd my dh was shattered and jsut went home after visiting to sleep and catch up.

kslatts · 30/12/2009 10:41

I think you should just go with it, I'm sure he will be fine.

violethill · 30/12/2009 10:50

I think you need to look at it that you're very lucky to have a mum nearby who is willing to look after your ds for the duration while you have a csection. You are over-thinking it all and worrying about things that won't even be an issue. Your ds will no doubt have a lovely time.

I am with peppapig on this one - I worried hugely about what would happen when I went into labour with dcs 2 and 3. In the event, dc2 was prem and a hastily arranged csection, and dc1 ended up being dropped with a neighbour she didn't know that well until my parents could come (from over 100 miles away!). And with dc3 my decision to have a VBAC instead of another cs was driven mainly by having no family nearby to do all the necessary looking after while I had a CS.

So all in all, I think you're lucky - I would have given anything with dc3 for someone to say, ok I'll have your other kids for several days, only ten minutes from home. It will all be fine - just go with the flow.

pigletmania · 30/12/2009 11:04

Exactly Violet just be happy that your ds is being looked after by someone he knows and loves and is familiar to him. I would have loved that but my mum is elderly and my dh parents live abroad and would have to stay with us for a couple of weeks which after last time i am not too keen on, too many people and too much stress in the house, wish that i had the help that you are having.

ChocHobNob · 30/12/2009 11:51

I was in your exact position just over 2 years ago. I was due to have a c section with youngest. My eldest was 2yrs and 7 months.

Hubby spent as much time as possible at the hospital with me and eldest had a couple of nights sleep over at his Nanny's. He loved it. He was too little (imo) to think we were pushing him out or he was being passed off to someone else. It was a treat for him.

I wouldn't worry too much. It's only a couple of nights. Like you said, have a trial the first night and see how he is. If he gets very distressed or something, your Mum might also think it's a good idea to take him home. But my Mum loved having ds1 to stay overnight.

diddl · 30/12/2009 12:21

"I'm sure she's thinking it's just more convenient for her"

She probably is.

What´s wrong with that?

Just as you are thinking of what´s convenient to you-which is why you are having your mother look after him!

AgentZigzagsAllGoosedOut · 30/12/2009 13:33

I dunno diddl, isn't the OP thinking more of how it will affect her DS rather than any convenience to herself? It doesn't matter to the OP really, as she'll be in hospital, and her mum is only 10 mins away.

Original poster

HeadFairy · 30/12/2009 13:37

ok ok, I get the message ds has his bag packed to stay at his grandmother's for three days... She's promised him loads of activities, swimming, trips to the park etc, none of which I've been able to manage for a couple of weeks now, so he'll love it.

As for all the comments about dh getting a rest.. what does he need that for? He gets nothing but rest He won't have time for rest anyway, he's on strict instructions to use the time wisely and clean the house thoroughly while I'm in hospital YAY!!!!

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

Morloth · 30/12/2009 13:40

What is really going to sting is when you go to pick him up/she drops him home and he is all "Oh, you're back then, mkay". And wanders off to do something more interesting.

Original poster

HeadFairy · 30/12/2009 13:46

haha, that would be ds all over. Clingy as when I've got something to do, but when I get all tearful and emotional he'll wander in and prefer to watch Bob the Builder than say hello to me!

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 30/12/2009 13:51

good luck for tomorrow - what time is it booked?

pigletmania · 30/12/2009 13:55

Exactly he can clean the house for you and make you lots of yummy food waiting to be eaten he he he

pigletmania · 30/12/2009 13:56

Good luck hope all goes well

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