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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off with anti-social behaviour from DP at my parents?

70 replies

CoffeelikeTar · 28/12/2009 09:10

My mum invited me and DP for Christmas eve dinner. She doesn't know DP very well and knowing that he's not exactly life of the party, I told him I'd go on my own. He insisted however, on coming with me....even though he knows as well as I do that he'd be constantly clock watching and wouldn't enjoy it but god forbid I go anywhere without him.

So anyway, it was to be quite a big deal, my grandma had also made the effort to go just to meet him etc.

So when we first got there, he was quiet and looked a bit nervous. Fair enough but after a while he started to really piss me off.

My mum made him a cup of tea. He complained it was "too sweet".

After dinner, he sat there falling asleep on the sofa. I was so embarrassed. My poor grandma kept trying to talk to him and he was completely ignoring her. I had to prompt him a few times to get him to acknowledge that someone was speaking to him. When he "realised" he gave one sentance answers and prompty went back to sitting there with his eyes closed.

What pisses me off even more is the fact that he must have been aware of what was going on because as soon as we got home, he started questioning me on conversations I'd had with my mum whilst he was aparantly "asleep".

He never even thanked my mum for dinner or the presents or anything and had it not been for her shouting down the street at him as he was hurrying to the car, he wouldn't have even said goodbye.

My grandma will now think he's a tosser.

I've not mentioned it to him yet but I'm still annoyed by it. He also made us an hour late by faffing delivering presents at 11am when he knew we were meant to be THERE for 11am.

Then to add insult to injury, when we were due to visit HIS parents on boxing day, he started kicking off when we were delayed saying we couldn't be late!!!

OP posts:
moanyhole · 28/12/2009 09:14

your grandma will be right- he sounds like a tosser.
YANBU
how long are you with him?
the fact that he makes no effort with your family dosent bode well tbh

pippaNnippa · 28/12/2009 09:15

he either has issue with you or your relatives- sounds he behaved like a child. How is your relationship at the moment? any dc's

traceybath · 28/12/2009 09:16

Why couldn't you go without him?

He sounds rude/controlling/ignorant to me. Do you have children with him?

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 28/12/2009 09:16

I'm with your Grandma, I think hes a tosser.

Sorry if I'm a tad blunt but actng the way he did was beyond rude. Have you been seeing him long?

almostreal · 28/12/2009 09:18

YANBU
Is this a new relationship? I would seriously consider getting rid of him, I can't bare rudeness like that. Do you want years of being uncomfortable and embarrassed around your own family?

CoffeelikeTar · 28/12/2009 09:18

relationship is a bit crap tbh. I get the cold shoulder or silent treatment if I put a foot wrong. Last night he wanted to order a takeaway. I wasnt too bothered. He didn't want to be responsible for the takeaway however so he said it was "My" decision .... hoping I'd say yes.

Anyway I said no, I didn't want one. Wrong answer, I got snapped at and got the silent treament. We don't have DC's together but we have children between us.

OP posts:
HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 28/12/2009 09:20

Have just seen that you have started 2 threads about this relationship this morning.

Not a good sign really is it.

CoffeelikeTar · 28/12/2009 09:20

It was apparantly "rude" to go without him. I can't go anywhere on my own without him whinging. Its not a new relationship but it is getting worse.

My son got a new mobile phone for christmas. I have been sending him silly texts, mainly to get him used to texting and he sent me one at 11.30 boxing day night. DP was immediately asking "who's that? late for a text isn't it?" etc

OP posts:
pippaNnippa · 28/12/2009 09:21

he sounds like an emotional abuser ime. is he crap about your friends too?

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 28/12/2009 09:23

Sounds a bit controling maybeyou need to head over to the relationship board

pippaNnippa · 28/12/2009 09:23

get rid fast

moanyhole · 28/12/2009 09:26

he's heading for emotional abuse' it'll get worse. run for the hills.

CoffeelikeTar · 28/12/2009 09:27

I'm very close with my ex mother in law. I don't even see her as a mother in law, I see her as a friend.

However he constantly rips the piss out of her, says shes fat and if a monster comes on TV or something, he'll say "look, that woman gets everywhere!"

He makes out he's joking but I find it quite offensive.

He is like this about my friends too.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 28/12/2009 09:28

"My grandma will now think he's a tosser. "

Your grandma's judgement is excellent.

You deserve better. Seriously, you do. It sounds like the relationship is in its fairly early stages - knock it on the head and find someone who'll meet your family with a big smile.

Longtalljosie · 28/12/2009 09:29

Oh - just seen the rest of it. Yes, he's an emotional abuser. I'm assuming you see less of your friends than you used to because it isn't worth the hassle and arguments?

RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 28/12/2009 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moanyhole · 28/12/2009 09:30

he's abusive and controlling- what more do you need- just go, be prepared for him to not take it lying down but be strong and leave him.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 28/12/2009 09:30

sounds like a right proper charmer, get rid.

cocolepew · 28/12/2009 09:45

Run away and don't look back. You're not happy and it is't going to get better.

PirateCatintheXmasHat · 28/12/2009 09:55

do yourself a favour and make it your new year's resolution to be free of him.

i cannot see WHY you are with this person.

tinalane · 28/12/2009 10:02

Did he say why he behaved like that?

He certainly didn't behave well.

This time of year can make tensions unbearable & highlight things much more than normal.

How is he normally? Why do you think he was like that?

You & your family deserve more respect.

I hope he behaves better very soon, is he a very quiet person?

Poor you!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 28/12/2009 10:06

oh my god - why on earth waste your life with a wanker like this? i just don't get it.

You only get one life - every day counts. I work with older people and I see how suddenly age creeps up, or ill health, and you suddenly you don't have options anymore and you don't have time to go out and live your life again. I'd suggest having a think about what you would ideally like your life to be like when you are retired....will this man be part of helping you get there????

ronshar · 28/12/2009 10:06

Old women rarely get things wrong do they?
Tosser.

thesecondcoming · 28/12/2009 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSaxon · 28/12/2009 10:17

I was in an abusive relationship and my ex used to behave like this, insisted he accompanied me everywhere, then behaved in a rude manner.

Eventually I stopped going anywhere to avoid embarrassment, his behaviour just deteriorated from that point.

Please, save yourself some heartache and leave while you have the strength.

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