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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with anti-social behaviour from DP at my parents?

70 replies

CoffeelikeTar · 28/12/2009 09:10

My mum invited me and DP for Christmas eve dinner. She doesn't know DP very well and knowing that he's not exactly life of the party, I told him I'd go on my own. He insisted however, on coming with me....even though he knows as well as I do that he'd be constantly clock watching and wouldn't enjoy it but god forbid I go anywhere without him.

So anyway, it was to be quite a big deal, my grandma had also made the effort to go just to meet him etc.

So when we first got there, he was quiet and looked a bit nervous. Fair enough but after a while he started to really piss me off.

My mum made him a cup of tea. He complained it was "too sweet".

After dinner, he sat there falling asleep on the sofa. I was so embarrassed. My poor grandma kept trying to talk to him and he was completely ignoring her. I had to prompt him a few times to get him to acknowledge that someone was speaking to him. When he "realised" he gave one sentance answers and prompty went back to sitting there with his eyes closed.

What pisses me off even more is the fact that he must have been aware of what was going on because as soon as we got home, he started questioning me on conversations I'd had with my mum whilst he was aparantly "asleep".

He never even thanked my mum for dinner or the presents or anything and had it not been for her shouting down the street at him as he was hurrying to the car, he wouldn't have even said goodbye.

My grandma will now think he's a tosser.

I've not mentioned it to him yet but I'm still annoyed by it. He also made us an hour late by faffing delivering presents at 11am when he knew we were meant to be THERE for 11am.

Then to add insult to injury, when we were due to visit HIS parents on boxing day, he started kicking off when we were delayed saying we couldn't be late!!!

OP posts:
LordPanofthePeaks · 28/12/2009 10:20

I am thinking that you are starting lots of threads rather than doing something about it? And there isn't much evidence of you challenging him about this rubbish, is there? He does seem quite comfortable with the notion that you will put up with it for ever.
As CXtheSea says, it's one life and it's all precious.

Species8472 · 28/12/2009 10:31

Life is too short to be in a relationship like this, surely you deserve much better? Of course YANBU. Your DP sounds a lot like my ex; he also behaved like this in company, it was mortifyingly embarrassing and I dreaded taking him anywhere and in the end made excuses not to have to do so.

I understand it would be hard to make the break, but I so wish I hadn't wasted so much time myself before finding a proper grown-up man to be with.

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 10:35

So basically he he wouldn't let you go by yourself and have a good time, he wouldn't go with you and let you have a good time, he had to come with you and ensure you had a bad time.

He sounds horrible honestly dump him.

ninedragons · 28/12/2009 10:35

Wanker.

Move on.

Bonsoir · 28/12/2009 10:38

He is a tosser! Dump him!

IsItMorningTimeYet · 28/12/2009 10:47

Are you that desperate not to be on your own that you have to stay with this man?

Do you have a daughter? If you do would you encourage her to reach for the stars or aim for the gutters when it comes to relationships?

I think you should have treated your mother and grandmother with more respect this christmas and not allowed this idiot cross over the threshold of their home.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/12/2009 11:23

Another vote for "tosser"

Baileysismyfriend · 28/12/2009 11:30

I would have been livid if DH had acted like this.

Did you have it out with him afterwards?

I would tell him that if he pulls a stunt like that again then your offski.

DollyMessiter · 28/12/2009 11:37

Does he struggle in all social situations, or just the ones he can't control?
I'm sure there is some deep-seated reason why he behaves as he does, but frankly, he doesn't sound like he has any redeeming features that would make me want to bother to find out what they are.

And, fwiw, I would have challenged his behaviour at your Mum's house, there and then, in front of everyone.
It sounds like he takes advantage of the fact that everyone else is too polite to comment.

He is behaving like a petulant child - silent treatment, pretending to fall asleep. FGS!
I think I'd banish him into a permanent time out.

GypsyMoth · 28/12/2009 11:43

Erm, did someone mention 'boxroom'??

PheasantPlucker · 28/12/2009 11:43

Get rid. Seriously.

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 11:54

Yes they did tiffany...

Nancy66 · 28/12/2009 12:24

oh for goodness sake - he is the absolute dregs. are you really that desperate for a bloke in your life?

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 13:02

Loving the PG Wodehouse turn of phrase there nancy

InMyLittleHead · 28/12/2009 13:04

He sounds like a loser

noshouting · 28/12/2009 14:40

Honey you have all the power.
You have the ability to be really happy in your life.
You have the ability to have fantastic relationships with family, friends and a partner.

But you have to choose that life.

pigletmania · 28/12/2009 14:44

Why are you with this man sounds like a right catch imo

warthog · 28/12/2009 14:47

sounds to me like he's trying to isolate you from family and friends. i'd be very wary if i were you, and if you haven't got kids together, i would be thinking very seriously about your future together.

pigletmania · 28/12/2009 14:48

New year new start, throw out the rubbish and start new imo

LittleMontyontheDustyRoad · 28/12/2009 14:48

If you think your Grandma will think he's a tosser, then you know he's a tosser.

Why are you with him?

BitOfFunWithRudolph · 28/12/2009 14:56

Just a semantic point really- falling asleep in front of your family and giving one-word answers is unsociable, rather than anti-social...curling a turd out on the sitting-room carpet would be anti-social. Just so you know- lots of people get them mixed up.

Katisha · 28/12/2009 15:17

He is exhibiting classic controlling behaviour. Being rude about your friends and family and refusing to behave normally with them is his way of distancing you from them.
As the relationship goes on this will get worse - he will start quizzing you about who you have seen during the day, only letting you go to places that he drives you to and picks you up from, and eventually the idea is that you go nowehere where he can't see you.
Get rid.

NoChristmasMojo · 28/12/2009 15:18

"My grandma will now think he's a tosser."

no she wont think he's a tosser as she now knows he is a tosser."

My Nan (very wise women) said "never keep company that doesnt make you proud"

I wish I had taken more notice of what we used to roll our eyes at & call her "ramblings" as the nuggets we do remember have been important lessons in life to us!

MrsMattie · 28/12/2009 15:19

he sounds like a rude, ignorant pig.

sazlocks · 28/12/2009 15:23

Sorry but I am with the others on this one. He sounds rude and ill mannered and I don't see a lot of positives in anything else you are describing about him. Not sure why you would want to keep this sort of person in your life or subject your own DC to him either.