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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was i being unreasonable?

68 replies

imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 16:53

I think this is gonna be a long one, so if you get to the end, you have the patience of a saint.

Just to give a bit of background.Im british but live Spain. Dh is spanish.

On xmas eve we went to sil for dinner with dd to celebrate xmas and dd birthday.

After dinner dd was getting bored and thought it would be fun to run around sil house trying to slam all the doors (shes two).Dh as usual just sits on his arse and lets me chase after her.
So i was sitting in the living room with dd reading her a story and trying to calm her down,When i heard sil say "shes english,not stupid". I dont know what was being said as thats all i heard and i have always had the feeling they dont like me because im not spanish.So i thought i will ask dh about it because i didnt want an argument.

On the way home I asked Dh,and he said he didnt know what was said and i should ring her.Dh wasnt being calm about it "your fucking paranoid"blah blah.

Anyway put dd to bed when we got home and went to bed myself. DD has a cold which starts her Asthma off,so she didnt sleep well,I was 3 hours sitting with her until she finally went to sleep at 6am,so i told dh he could do something if he wants got no reply so i went to bed.

Xmas day, we were waiting for dh to get his arse out of bed to open presents,which didnt happen.At 1 he comes flying down the stairs enraged and saying we are not going to sil for dinner becuase i put him in a bad mood. He kicked dd blocks and one went flying and hit me in the mouth ( my fault cos i ruined xmas apparently) So dh went out probably to sil i have no idea while me a dd were left with no xmas dinner as i didnt buy any cos i thought we were going to sil.

So was i being ureasonable to mention "english" comment and ruin xmas. Or shall i just leave the fucker and never come back.

OP posts:
BouncingTurtle · 26/12/2009 16:55

Leave the fucker.

My dad is Spanish and he would be disgusted by such behaviour.

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 26/12/2009 16:57

I would leave and not come back, he sounds horrible. Dont let him ruin your self esteem and life like he has christmas.

sunburntats · 26/12/2009 16:57

if i were you...id be booking flights home and yes leaving the fucker.

How practical is that for you?

BouncingTurtle · 26/12/2009 17:01

I suspect that the comment your SIL made was in reply to something your DH said... which maybe he why he flew off the handle, guilty conscience!

I do hope you and your dd have a good day without him whatever you decide to do.

Seriously though you need to have very strong words with when he comes back - he is acting like a twat.

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:03

yeah thought so. Its a good job ive got flights booked for me and dd for monday.

OP posts:
FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 26/12/2009 17:04

It sounds like your sil was sticking up for you and your h is being an arse.

Leave him or at least speak to him and make it clear his behaviour is no ton

lying in, kicking toys, not apologising, etc etc, etc.

LynetteScavo · 26/12/2009 17:05

I thihnk something happend on Christmas eve that you are unaware of. it's as if you did something, totally unitentionally that has upset every one, and you have no idea what it is.

you need to sit down with your DH and eplain you have no idea...but would like to know (youare very sorry if you've offended)and take it form there.

Hassled · 26/12/2009 17:05

Leave the fucker.

TeamEdwardsSparklyBaubles · 26/12/2009 17:08

Your DH, for example, is a twat.

Get on that flight on Monday, and think very very carefully before you return to the ungrateful fucker.
You ruined Christmas???? What an arse!

PixieOnaChristmasTree · 26/12/2009 17:09

Definitely leave him - take passports, birth certificates and enough clothes to last you. And don't tell him where you're going.

Have you got somewhere safe to go to when you get to England?

There is no excuse for somebody physically hurting you or making you feel bad. It is disgusting, controlling behaviour and he doesn't deserve you or your DD.

You did not ruin Christmas. He did.

Is your DD OK?

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:09

I would love to know because i wasnt even part of any conversation, because i was too busy making sure dd didnt amputate a finger while slamming doors

Also another reason i didnt want to say anything,as it sounded like sil was sticking up for me in a weird way.

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 26/12/2009 17:09

The SIL comment sounds like her defending you to someone else, and your DH's response makes me think it was him!

FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 26/12/2009 17:11

I agree.

He is probably hoping you won't ask your SIL what was said....

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:12

Yes thanks she ok but I (not dh as he is mia) had to take her to a&e because she couldnt breathe.

Yes im going to my mums house and the dogs are going into kennels until i can arrange for a animal trasport company that runs in spain to pick them up.

OP posts:
Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:15

Am also hoping dd will be well enough to take the flight.

OP posts:
HappyChristmasFromKimi · 26/12/2009 17:17

YOU DID NOT RUIN CHRISTMAS HE DID, HE IS A NASTY SELFISH TWAT.

I WOULD TELL HIM TO GET OUT.

TeamEdwardsSparklyBaubles · 26/12/2009 17:18

Sorry, I meant to make a intelligent post like Pixie, but I'm so at your DH that I could only post a sweary one!

It sounds as though you have already decided to leave him. This is not the first incident, is it?

PixieOnaChristmasTree · 26/12/2009 17:18

I assume the hospital have discharged her then? Has she been given oral steroids? A preventor inhaler?

I think that as long as mine have rosy complexions, are not audibly wheezy/have a nasty cough and I've got their reliever inhalers with me then I'd let them travel. You could always ring the hospital for advice, though.

I hope she is better enough.

SleighBelleDameSansMerci · 26/12/2009 17:19

Just wanted to say that I hope you and your DD are ok and get to your mum's safely.

famishedass · 26/12/2009 17:19

My first impressions when reading this were that your dh was taking drugs and hiding it from you, and your SIL was telling him you're not stupid. Then when I read further on about his aggressive behaviour, I was even more convinced he was into some kind of illegal behaviour, sorry.

get out and start over while you're still young enough.

DuelingFanjo · 26/12/2009 17:20

Have you spoken to him yet, is he back from SIL's?

It sounds to me like she was defending you.

All that aside he doesn't sound very nice and if I were you I would leave at least until things have calmed down and to give yourself space to plan what to do next.

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:23

Yes she was prescribed oral steroids and i have her ventolin and her usual preventer inhaler, but we will see how she is over night.

No its not the first incident. I actually left him last year and was stupid enough to come back,but HIM ruining my a dd´s xmas is the last straw he can spend every xmas with his perfect family in future.

OP posts:
Feelingforty · 26/12/2009 17:26

Oh goodness...leave him IMMEDIATELY

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:29

Oh i dont think he´s into drugs he´s just a twat by nature. He hates anything with "chemicals " eg sauces,frozen foods, everything that passes his lips has to be fresh and natural, so thats why i put a bit of dd shit in his food once and watched with glee while he ate it.Well it was fresh and natural.

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 26/12/2009 17:30

What??? You are unhinged.

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