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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was i being unreasonable?

68 replies

imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 16:53

I think this is gonna be a long one, so if you get to the end, you have the patience of a saint.

Just to give a bit of background.Im british but live Spain. Dh is spanish.

On xmas eve we went to sil for dinner with dd to celebrate xmas and dd birthday.

After dinner dd was getting bored and thought it would be fun to run around sil house trying to slam all the doors (shes two).Dh as usual just sits on his arse and lets me chase after her.
So i was sitting in the living room with dd reading her a story and trying to calm her down,When i heard sil say "shes english,not stupid". I dont know what was being said as thats all i heard and i have always had the feeling they dont like me because im not spanish.So i thought i will ask dh about it because i didnt want an argument.

On the way home I asked Dh,and he said he didnt know what was said and i should ring her.Dh wasnt being calm about it "your fucking paranoid"blah blah.

Anyway put dd to bed when we got home and went to bed myself. DD has a cold which starts her Asthma off,so she didnt sleep well,I was 3 hours sitting with her until she finally went to sleep at 6am,so i told dh he could do something if he wants got no reply so i went to bed.

Xmas day, we were waiting for dh to get his arse out of bed to open presents,which didnt happen.At 1 he comes flying down the stairs enraged and saying we are not going to sil for dinner becuase i put him in a bad mood. He kicked dd blocks and one went flying and hit me in the mouth ( my fault cos i ruined xmas apparently) So dh went out probably to sil i have no idea while me a dd were left with no xmas dinner as i didnt buy any cos i thought we were going to sil.

So was i being ureasonable to mention "english" comment and ruin xmas. Or shall i just leave the fucker and never come back.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 26/12/2009 17:31

What do you mean you were both waiting for him to get out of bed?
On Christmas morning?
Didn't you go in to waken him up?

Also giving someone the option to do something to help at 6am "if they want" often illicits the no response reply (my dh and I often try to pretend to be more asleep than the other to not have to get up)

I'm also sure that when he kicked the blocks it wasn't with the intention of hitting you in the mouth

That all said...

Your relationship is bobbins if:
he decides if you can go to your SILs for Christmas lunch
He would leave you and ill DD at home whilst celebrating Christmas elsewhere
You are wary of wakening him
you can't get out of bed to help with sick DD

Ultimately he would spoil your DDs or your Christmas

he sounds like a spoiled tool

BouncingTurtle · 26/12/2009 17:31

I'm glad you are leaving on Monday.
Take care of yourself and dd, and take important papers, all bank account details etc. with you.

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:31

I know i felt bad after but it was another incident not unlike xmas day. Im quite embarrassed now

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 26/12/2009 17:31

ok you are a mental troll via that last post

night

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:33

Maybe it was an accident with the blocks but it wasnt all the other times hes hit and kicked me, spat in my face,pulled my hair etc etc

OP posts:
Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:35

ronaldinhio i can assure you i am not a troll,being a troll would be better then what i have been through and i dont appreciate being called a troll.

OP posts:
FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 26/12/2009 17:36

Putting shit in his food is just beyond words.

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:37

and im not mental god you sound like dh

OP posts:
Colonelcupcake · 26/12/2009 17:43

Ok then, My first thought is your DH is a twat get rid of him if he this is more than a one off incident as well as speaking to your SIL to find out what was actually said, or at the very least serious words need to be said.

But putting your daughters shit in his food! WTF you are either a troll or made for each other I just hope your daughter doesn't get fucked up in the process

Rindercella · 26/12/2009 17:44

You have to leave this man. Not just because of the Christmas incident. But if the state of your relationship is making you put human (or any other) shit in your H's dinner, something is seriously fucked up.

Get on that plane on Monday and don't return.

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:47

Well when everyday you try your best for dh to make a decent meal to his standard and it get prodded and poked a la shirley valantines husband in the film and told its not good enough,and being sick of being treated like i am once just ONCE i might just lose my mind temporarily and do something unreasonable if that makes me unhinged fine, but dont suggest that im fucking up my daughter because im not.

OP posts:
FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 26/12/2009 17:51

There is no excuse for putting crap in someones food.

Rainbowinthesky · 26/12/2009 17:53

You are fuckign up your dd's life. You are showing her an example of an incredibly unhealthy relationship regardless of who is most to blame.

fairycake123 · 26/12/2009 17:56

Your life sounds fucking shit to be honest. Living with that level of screaming petulance on a daily basis must be incredibly tedious. I think you should leave.

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 17:56

Well im leaving on monday but please dont judge someones actions if you have never walked in their shoes.

OP posts:
FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 26/12/2009 17:57

FFS

Quattrocento · 26/12/2009 17:59

Oh purlease ...

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 18:00

Right thanks anyway for advice

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 26/12/2009 18:28

I love how people are telling you to leave himn, untill you say you have put shit in his food.

You obviously hate him, imgonnascream. I see you are leaving him on Monday. You need to, just because you hate him. Good luck. x

shinny28 · 26/12/2009 18:52

i think you should leave him as he has worn you down to the state of someone who would put shit in their husbands food! ( which is just genuis btw) noone deserves to take that level of abuse be it verbal or physical - just to 2 things in the new year - 1 - get some therapy ( build up your self esteem) 2 learn spanish !
Good luck

nothingofthesort · 26/12/2009 19:07

I had sympathy for you until I read that post about putting faeces in his food. You must have some serious issues if you hate him that much and still want to live with him as a family. Get out, go home and make sure you talk to a professional about your issues.

Original poster
imgonnascream · 26/12/2009 19:55

Hello Everybody, this is Dh of imgonnascream, I read all this by casuality after she left the computer on:

Just wanted to say that I cant understand why all of you tell her strongly to left me due to those facts without know anything else about our relations.

I recognize that Im not a perfect person, but I think that I can justificate my behauvour.
We had cristmas dinner in my opinion happily.
My family give good present to our daughter, sing happy birthday and others ....
In the way to come back home she start tellimg me that she listen the comment ¨she is english not stupid¨¨ and that this was an insult for her and others ... I told her that I was tired always to listen that my family threat her bad, that they hate her and other.
I can garanteed you that she was in a reallty bad moud and when we arrived home she told me to feed the dogs, I didnt say anything and after I went to bed, because I know her and I know she was angry, and that she wont sleep with me as ussual.
In the midle of the night she come to my rooms in a crazy way telling me why I keeping asleep my daughter.
After all those incidents I felt quite bad, and next morning she was calling me in the morning so I decide to ignore her.
Is true that I dindt open presents with my daughter, but I have to tell you that Im sick my daughter to get such a quantity of presents when in my opinion is not neccesary such spend of money and full the house with presents that on plus she doesn´t even really care a lot about them. Of course to present is good but not to keep giving presents everyday and being spending big quantities of money.
I was really angry with her when I told her that we were going having dinner with my SILs and told me that always she had to do what I said. So I decided to go bed and dont go anywere in such a humor condition.
Is true that I hit her with the Toys I kicked but It wasnt my intention to kick her in her mouth, this act was an act of angriness like when you kick the wall or any other object.
Is true I have hurt her before in angriness moments but I can tell you she has hit me aswell many times. We should not have thise behavour I know but they are moments of angriness you dont control yourself.
She is telling all the time that I dont care of my daughter and that I dont do nothing for her. Well I have to tell you that Im selfenploiyed and that I work in my opinion quite hard so my daughter doesnt get lack of anything. My girlfriend spend as much money as she wants everymonth for neccesary things and for in my opinion unnecessary but is always me person that work out home and get this money. That it doesnt mean she doesnt work, she does looking after our daughter mainly, but I can say also that our house is ussualy very untidy not untidy very untidy. I dont ussually come home having lunch or dinner betwen other reasons because she ussually doesnt cook nothing. She complaints of beeing alone the whole day but when I tell her to come with me having dinner with friends she never does (she says that nobody speak to hers and others).
Is true that am not very darling person with her but she is neither with me and the day we have sex is an extraordunary event.
Believe Im not perfect but am not the monster she tries to describe me and there not other person I get such an angry as with her.
As I have always tell her if he wants to go and left me she can do freely she doesnt need to lie to me. Im sorry for my daughter but maybe is correct if our relation never as it was before.

Ahh I forget, thanks for giving me shit of my daughter as lunch.

OP posts:
badietbuddy · 26/12/2009 20:01

riiiight
1/10 and a all round

Rossco · 26/12/2009 20:02

O-kay. This is weird

mrsboogiefairylights · 26/12/2009 20:04

Good Lord