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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in being disappointed with what DH has got me for christmas

66 replies

Tizzyjacko · 22/12/2009 16:32

Its a mercedes driving experience. I'm not a car fan, only drive an automatic, see it as a way of getting from A to b and hate going fast because it scares me.

I feel like crap because I know he means well and it is a very generous present which we really can't afford and suspect he has got it because I was saying how much I hated driving in the snow and ice.

A year or so ago he got me a trip in a glider knowing I suffer from vertigo and I made him get the money back. He was really hurt so I can't do that again. I know he would love to do this so how do I "regift" without coming over as an ungrateful cow? Or do I just grit my teeth and get it over with?

Oh I know I am an ungrateful cow but I can't help being disappointed.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 22/12/2009 16:35

"A year or so ago he got me a trip in a glider knowing I suffer from vertigo and I made him get the money back."

Are you sure that he is not getting you crappy presents on purpose?

JustAnotherManicMummy · 22/12/2009 16:37

Oh dear. Can you give him a list next year? Sounds like he doesn't have a clue bless him.

Do the company he's booked with offer other more appropriate gift experiences? Like a spa day or afternoon tea somewhere fabulous? Perhaps you could pretend to book your session when they mentioned and you've always wanted to do that so you've booked that instead?

There's something really depressing about the wrong gift, especially when it's expensive because it just makes you feel guilty but also a bit hurt that they don't really know you that well. YANBU.

FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 22/12/2009 16:38

Me thinks he is hoping you will let him take the gift as he surely knows it isn't your thing......

JustAnotherManicMummy · 22/12/2009 16:39

Or is it possible he's trying to bump you off? Glider... fast cars... what's next? A cruise in the straight of Somalia?

Sorry. Couldn't resist

LadyGlenChristmasPresent · 22/12/2009 16:39

I don't think you are ungrateful at all. He is being completely thoughtless by giving you presents which he must know you would not enjoy. How do you know what he has got you anyway? Did he tell you? If he knows you know I would have the discussion now, while there is still time to change it for something you would like - be very specific about what that might be.
If he is really hurt, because you don't want this inappropriate present, frankly he is thinking more about himself than he is about you.

mustrunmore · 22/12/2009 16:40

I doubt its intentional. Dh spent £150 on a dressing gown for me, and I was totally mortified and sick to the stomach, because we had so little money, and at the end of the day it was very nice but basically just a dressing gown But he did it because I'm always so cold in the house., and because he thinks money always means quality and thought.

FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 22/12/2009 16:40

TheCrackFox, was thinking the same thing.

He's either really crap at buying gifts (in which case you really need to do a wish list) or he really is trying to think of things you'd hate and buy you those. Do you really think he's thought "I know, she hates driving in the snow so i'll get her something to make her drive, we all have fun doing things we've previously stated we hate doing if it's in gift form."

Make him take it back for the reasons stated in your OP. Tell him to just get you a pair of earrings or something equally sane.

HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 22/12/2009 16:41

pmsl OP. not one for driving yet given a driving experience and then died laughing reading about the vertigo and gliding lesson.

Do you think he is trying to tell you something

purplepeony · 22/12/2009 16:41

Show me a man who will buy a woman just what she wants and, reader...I'll marry him.

coldtits · 22/12/2009 16:42

Why is he getting you Man Presents?

I'm all for equality (believe me, I really am) but women and men generally like different things!

these are the sorts of things I would get a 25 year old man!

bruxeur · 22/12/2009 16:46

Sounds like he's trying to help.

Flooding therapy for the vertigo.

Trying to help you be a bit more confident on the roads, especially wrt the current awful conditions. If the driving experience includes any skid-pan stuff it could be the best present you ever resent.

potplant · 22/12/2009 16:46

I feel your pain. My DH spent a truly stupid amount of money of membership of a health club nearly 20 miles away for me. I would have hated it if it had been at the bottom of the road cos its a crap present but somewhere that's nearly an hour away? I cried about the crapness and complete waste of money.

Now we have a £10 limit so that when he buys me a load of crap at least he's only wasted £10.

ScreaminEagle · 22/12/2009 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 22/12/2009 16:48

I think he's buying you gifts that he secretly wants, a la Homer buying Marge a bowling ball. Say 'Thank you very much for the thought, OH, but really I'd prefer something sparkly/lacey/scented. Do you have the receipt?'.

octopusinabox · 22/12/2009 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 22/12/2009 16:50

purplepeony - my dh always buys me what I ask for and some prizes but you can't marry him as he is mine!!!!!!!!!!!

Pineapplechunks · 22/12/2009 16:51

Is it one of those Red Letter day experiences?

If so when you book your day online you can change the experience for another, that you would prefer.

DP bought me a horse riding one for Mothers day this year. Saw it on the website when I booked.

Have a look, they have spa days and other more suitable things.

YANBU BTW, thats a pretty thoughtless gift for someone who doesn't like to drive.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 22/12/2009 16:53

I always get what I want - but that is because I buy online and help myself to use DH's credit card to pay.

Then he just has to wrap it. He thinks I am very helpful and a good wife sorting out xmas so he doesn't have to

AliBellandthe40jingles · 22/12/2009 16:53

pp - mine always buys me what I ask for too, but like Fab's you can't have him I'm afraid!

Original poster
Tizzyjacko · 22/12/2009 16:57

He is a really kind and generous man and I think he genuinely believes I'll like it. I haven't the heart to ask him to change it. He did ask what I wanted and I suggested something small like silver earrings or a nice scarf as we are a bit skint. I agree that he associates expensive with better.

I think he give me "boys" presents because he thinks I like a challenge (which I do, show me a nice steep mogul field and I'm your man!!!) but transport really isn't my thing.

Glad that (so far) i haven't been called an ungrateful Scrooge but fear I'll just have to smile sweetly and ask the instructor to give me a lesson in changing gears without grinding the clutch (there will be pleasure in seeing the man's face when I say that......)

OP posts:
Original poster
Tizzyjacko · 22/12/2009 16:59

I know because the envelope arrived in the post addressed to me and its from Brooklands so i doubt if I'll be able to change it. maybe they will swap it for a confidence building session for a crap driver?

OP posts:
purplepeony · 22/12/2009 17:00

Oh ladies- well, mine will but me what I want if I write a list- but then i can go and buy them myself as it's all our joint money anyway. I meant if he could read my mind and buy me what I want- do es anyone have a DH like that?

BigusBumus · 22/12/2009 17:00

YANBU I would hate that too. Its very thoughtless.

My DP and I had a row the day before yesterday as he hadn't bought me anything yet and then told me he was worried about our credit card debts (Its not much, just a few hundred on 2 cards). Then he said he was worried because he wanted to get me a new laptop and it would have to go on the credit card as well. I said don't bother, as (a) my old laptop works fine and (b) it makes it unpleasuable to receive if the cost has already been complained about.

So he went out yesterday and came back all smug about the fab presents he had bought me (on the credit card). Hope its not a lap-top. Or his usual thing which is to go to the YSL counter and buy me £100s of glittery, sparkley eye shadow sets and scarlet lipstick. I wear neither.

I'm an ungrateful cow, I know.

LilyBolero · 22/12/2009 17:01

My dh hasn't got me anything, and won't, as he can't get to the shops before christmas.

FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 22/12/2009 17:05

Oh god, if he can get his money back, make him - he won't learn otherwise. If you don't, you're not allowed to come on here next year complaining that he's bought you a tank driving experience...

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