Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

in being disappointed with what DH has got me for christmas

66 replies

Tizzyjacko · 22/12/2009 16:32

Its a mercedes driving experience. I'm not a car fan, only drive an automatic, see it as a way of getting from A to b and hate going fast because it scares me.

I feel like crap because I know he means well and it is a very generous present which we really can't afford and suspect he has got it because I was saying how much I hated driving in the snow and ice.

A year or so ago he got me a trip in a glider knowing I suffer from vertigo and I made him get the money back. He was really hurt so I can't do that again. I know he would love to do this so how do I "regift" without coming over as an ungrateful cow? Or do I just grit my teeth and get it over with?

Oh I know I am an ungrateful cow but I can't help being disappointed.

OP posts:

blithedance · 22/12/2009 20:17

I don't know why but DH has to buy me an acrylic scarf every year, usually purple, usually supermarket. I detest acrylic, have been trying to drop the word "cashmere" into conversations as frequently as possible but to absolutely no avail.

It's got to the point where Christmas won't be the same without an acrylic scarf and some M&S bubble bath.

We gave ourselves a joint present this year so any "surprises" have to be cheap ones. I don't expect him to be a mind reader.

Pikelit · 22/12/2009 20:21

I don't wrap my own presents and neither do I really pretend to be surprised. Along with the expected main present comes something unknown and unexpected too.

But I much happier that my dp buys what I really want for Christmas and doesn't waste a decent wodge on wildly optimistic gifts.

aJumpedUpPantryBoy · 22/12/2009 20:48

DH wanted to buy me a 4x4 driving experience this year. We don't have a 4x4, and I hate driving and only do it because I have to.

I managed to talk him out if it - we have agreed not to buy each other presents this year.

Bunnysoprano · 22/12/2009 21:44

I suggest that you take his presents back to the shop tomorrow and swap them for things that YOU would like.

Perhaps he will get the hint when he is opening a lipstick on Christmas morning!

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 22/12/2009 22:00

Right - this is easily remedied! What you do, is book yourself him a pamper day at a local health club, or anything that is not in the romotest bit up his street but that you would like to do - make him open his first, when he is all open yours and say, wow what a fantastic present honey, but well, i can see that you are unsure about yours - i tell you what, i would have loved the wild racing day really, but because i love you so much, lets swap - sorted!

thisisyesterday · 22/12/2009 22:08

oh no poor you OP.

i think quite often that men simply do NOT think about these things.

my mum loves watching motor racing, and a few years ago my dad asked me if I thought she'd like a gift experience of a drive with an instructor round brands hatch or somewhere.

i kindly pointed out that she likes watching fast cars, but she hates noise and she is the most nervous passenger ever in a car (she doesn't drive herself)

men tend to think oh, she likes cars, driving experience!
or, ooh once she said that she liked the look of those gliders, i bet she wants to go in one

thisisyesterday · 22/12/2009 22:09

oooh actually tizzy, did you pass your test in an automatic? cos if you did you can just say you can't do it anyway becuase i think you aren't allowed to drive a manual if you've only ever driven an automatic

Shodan · 22/12/2009 22:09

Okay, disappointing I know- but could he be doing that Man Thing of thinking 'Aha! She's got a Problem. I must Fix It! How can I Fix It? I know! I'll buy her a Problem Solving Gift!!'

I only say this because it is exactly what my DH did one year. I have a horror of being photographed as I consider myself to be deeply unphotogenic. So he bought me a makeover/photograph session. He was very pleased with himself because obviously my deep-rooted hatred of being photographed would magically disappear after this session. Problem Solved.

(Except it isn't. I still hate being photographed. The only effect the gift had was to make me be even more grateful that I never yearned to be a model)

Whatever the reason for his twattishness interesting choice of gift, I think Ijust's solution is inspired. Do that.

mamas12 · 22/12/2009 22:29

I agree with the poster who sid he is 'transfering' he is buying things for you that he would really like.
Sooooooooo why don't you do the same!
Go on buy him a lovely pair of silver earrings and and something else that you really love and wrap it up and give it to him.

Then he can see how it feels and then you can swap!

tiredfeet · 22/12/2009 22:46

I know you are worried about upsetting him, but we don't have tons of money and I know that if I bought dh something he didn't like I would rather that he said, and swapped it for something he wanted / needed, than enjoyed it out of politeness.

also, if you don't nip this in the bud now, you might be getting a driving experience every year from now on. I hate driving too so can sympthasise, and can also see why a dh would think this was a good idea, they just approach this things in a different way.

I had a really bad knee problem for a couple of years, and felt like an old lady as I hobbled around (in my early twenties). my dad decided to give me a walking stick for my birthday, it was a highly technical one but still a walking stick. poor man, I really sobbed and sobbed!! but he realised he'd got it wrong and was so happy to swap it for something I wanted. he genuinely thought he was solving my problem though. just wanted to show that, like other posters, I do think it is 'man trying to sovle a problem, and that is why he has pitched it so wrong.

maybe save discussing it for a tactful conversation a few days after christmas if necessary, so as not to upset him on the day. am sure you will be able to swap it, he won't be the first man to get it this wrong!!

moaningminniewhingesagain · 22/12/2009 22:56

In past years my DH has bought me a cagoule, wellies, walking boots, and fleeces. He likes walking/outdoorsy things.

I like indoorsy things. Like shopping, reading books, crap telly and surfing on tinternet.

He grew out of it and I know I am getting lovely chocolates from a proper chocolate shop, and hopefully the new Nigel Slater book this year. I have found very subtle hints to work in the past too, like 'Well I really like that white gold and diamond necklace you bought last year'... Oh look its the earrings to match, how clever and surprising

moaningminniewhingesagain · 22/12/2009 22:58

So that was YANBU btw, I would be quite disappointed really. I have no interest in driving either, other than a way to get somewhere without having to walk

dopeydoot · 23/12/2009 00:25

It's not clear from your op if you have been officially given this yet or have just worked it out.

In case it's the latter - In the course of conversation, could you talk about a 'friend' who has discovered that her husband has bought her a driving experience... '

poor thing, what a miserable present, he's just bought what he wants and hasn't thought what she wants, all she wanted was a [insert a couple of things you fancy here] but no, he thinks she has a problem hating driving and it will cure her, instead he's just given her a present of one of her most horrible experiences etc etc'

and then finish off with 'thank god I know that you'd never do that to me, can you imagine anything I would like less than some dreadful driving experience...'

and hope that that is enough for him to try to change it to a spa day/whatever or keep it for himself and do something else for you?

alexpolismum · 23/12/2009 08:50

Oooh, poor you! I second the idea of booking him a pamper session with a makeover!

A couple of years ago, my DH bought me a set of trashy love novels for Christmas. "What on earth did you get these for?" I said. "You like reading," he replied. Yes, darling, I like reading, but my shelves are full of thrillers and historical fiction. Not one love story among them.

Is it possible that you have made a comment that might vaguely be construed as positive in connection with a mercedes? Even if it was just "that's a nice colour" and he's latching on to it?

My DH doesn't get hints. You have to beat him over the head with it and wave it in his face.

Romanarama · 23/12/2009 09:04

You know what, it might be really fun. I don't like driving much either, but I can see that race track driving might be a laugh. If you decide to do it, please come back and tell us whether you liked it in the end!

My dh either buys me nothing, or massively expensive jewellery. I have no idea how he decides which . I also don't care whether I get nothing or something.

BlackYellowRed · 23/12/2009 09:11

Sounds like he bought you things HE would want. Maybe he's hoping you would give it to him? Maybe that's why he was so upset when you made him get the money back last year?

Flip

1 2 3