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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have taken my daughters dolls house off her for appalling bedtime behaviour?

63 replies

MissMoopy · 20/12/2009 20:41

My dd got the most beautiful dolls house off my Dad yesterday. It is an Xmas present, he has built it and gave it to her yesterday as my parents live a long way from us and won't see her on Xmas day...SO, last night dd (5) had the most appalling tantrums between 7 - 11pm. She has never behaved like that before, I understand it is result of over excitement and tiredness, but I cannot tolerate that behaviour. Tonight she started again, so me and dh took the house out of room and left her screaming. She is now fast asleep but I feel awful
I think we have to make a stand though, so we have decided to tell her in the morning that she has to show us she can do at least 2 fuss free bedtimes before she can have it back! AIBU or is that fair?

OP posts:

RorysRacingReindeer · 20/12/2009 20:42

fair

nickytwotimes · 20/12/2009 20:42

Sounds okay.
Letting her know what she needs todoto get it back is a good idea.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 20/12/2009 20:43

sounds fair to me too
important to establish that you mean what you say and if behaviour isn't up to scratch then dc will forfeit privileges

humptynumpty · 20/12/2009 20:43

no good for you!

tulpe · 20/12/2009 20:43

YANBU but I would probably make it one fuss free bedtime rather than 2.

Children do get overtired and overexcited at this time of year and whilst you do need to take a deep breath and make some allowances, you still need to provide boundaries.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 20/12/2009 20:44

god my post sounded strict school ma'am but hope ykwim!

humptynumpty · 20/12/2009 20:46

no, it is a really special present and she needs to learn how to behave. 2 bedtimes is not extreme for a 5 year old. She will be able to understand and it is a realistic time limit, not too long that she will have forgotten about it. And lets be honest, there's plenty of other stuff going on to pass the time!!
stick to your guns

Nefertari · 20/12/2009 20:47

Certainly fair.

My children know that bad behaviour, along with other stuff, results in forfeits, ie no TV, computer, other stuff they like. I set the ground rules with DP, and the kids know that the punishment lasts for x amount of time, depending on severity of wrong-doing. DS gets to go back on PC and TV tomorrow, after one week. He had broken something and then lied about it, but he has to replace the damaged item too from own pocket.

SE13Mummy · 20/12/2009 20:57

Sounds fair to me especially as you're going to specify exactly what she needs to do in order for it to be returned. The only thing I'd wonder about though is what happens if she's a terror after lunch but before bedtime... I don't think it would be fair to make its return contingent on successful bedtimes but to move the goalposts if meltdown occurs at a different time of day. I'm not trying to suggest that's what you'll do but I know that my 5-year-old DD would be outraged if I changed the rules (and I wouldn't put it past her to point out that I'd said two bedtimes so any other messing about shouldn't count!).

GroundHoHoHogs · 20/12/2009 21:17

utterly fair.

Good for you for making a stand.

Take it off her if there are any subsequent tantrums.

jaquelinehyde · 20/12/2009 21:19

Totally agree with your stand, don't feel bad.

Original poster

MissMoopy · 20/12/2009 21:24

SE13, I understand your point, but her behaviour is generally very good, it is bedtime that has become the issue. I am willing to let a little Xmas excitement bad behaviour slide, but not at bedtime and not to the ridiculous extent she has been doing!

OP posts:

SleighBelleDameSansMerci · 20/12/2009 21:30

I think you're doing the right thing.

Original poster

MissMoopy · 20/12/2009 21:37

Crap how the right thing can feel so wrong! Motherhood eh?

OP posts:

victoriascrumptious · 20/12/2009 21:43

No well done. Cause and effect, she wont grow up to be an antisocial little brat

MavisEnderby · 20/12/2009 21:47

Sounds fair to me.I think giving boundaries is just being responsible.I think dcs are all excitable about Christmas at the moment.Had to confiscate ds Wii because he was playing up at bedtime.

(He is generally well behaved but high as a kite atm because of Christmas!)

Original poster

MissMoopy · 20/12/2009 21:47

Thats always my plan! Cannot bear spoiled brats!

OP posts:

ravenAK · 20/12/2009 21:56

Is 7pm bedtime & she tantrummed till 11? That's an impressive effort - she's not by any chance coming down with a lurgy?

Only dd1 (3) was spectacularly awful yesterday & today she & dd2 are both feverish, grizzly & coughing - meanwhile ds has taken over on the appalling behaviour front so no doubt he'll be next...

I do think the punishment was entirely fair, & this might be a total red herring, but it might be worth checking temp etc tomorrow. Unfortunately there seems to be a lot of it about.

LeQueen · 20/12/2009 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MissMoopy · 20/12/2009 22:34

She has a very snotty cold and is always hard wosk when ill - well aren't we all?
I think it is a combination of a very exciting week - school play, grandparents visit, tired after first term at school, illness and Xmas mania. It was impressive, she like a frenzied animal

OP posts:

kitkatsforbreakfast · 20/12/2009 22:35

Yup, you should confiscate it. But I'm a wimp and would only insist on one night fuss free before getting it back.

Original poster

MissMoopy · 20/12/2009 22:37

I would probably give in to one night but have told dh not to let me! She has to learn, and don't want the point to get lost in amongst other Xmas prep/excitement.

OP posts:

muppetgirl · 20/12/2009 22:47

Sorry to go against the grain here but I really can't see what the dolls house has to do with desired behaviour? She had a tantrum because you think she was tired so just make sure the day tomorrow is calm and restful.

Let her know your expectations and follow through the normal bedtime routine and leave her as you did this evening. As far as I can see the tantrum wasn't caused by the dolls house ie she wouldn't stop playing with it to go to bed yet you're asking her to apply adult logic and link her bad behaviour to not being allowed to play with it.

Your reaction tonight worked and as long as you are consistent, calm and explain to her what you expect and what you are doing things should return to normal.

Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start...

muppetgirl · 20/12/2009 22:52

I suppose I'm saying I would link the 'punishment' to the behaviour not use a toy that she is obviously going to be very upset at not being able to play with and you may get bad behaviour as a reaction to this which has nothing to do with the origional problem.

Ds 2 can be hard to handle at bedtime so we calmly ask him to put his head on the pillow ready to be tucked in and kissed goodnight. If he doesn't, his choice but no kiss (he'll get out of bed if he doesn't put his head on the pillow) we say we love him and go to walk out. He's always wanted to be tucked in. I would definately not take away a toy that has nothing to do with the cause of the non-desired behaviour.

MollieO · 20/12/2009 23:05

Sounds like end of term tiredness imo. Unless she refused to go to bed because she wanted to play with the dolls house I can't see why you would remove it for two nights.

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