Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to have taken my daughters dolls house off her for appalling bedtime behaviour?

63 replies

MissMoopy · 20/12/2009 20:41

My dd got the most beautiful dolls house off my Dad yesterday. It is an Xmas present, he has built it and gave it to her yesterday as my parents live a long way from us and won't see her on Xmas day...SO, last night dd (5) had the most appalling tantrums between 7 - 11pm. She has never behaved like that before, I understand it is result of over excitement and tiredness, but I cannot tolerate that behaviour. Tonight she started again, so me and dh took the house out of room and left her screaming. She is now fast asleep but I feel awful
I think we have to make a stand though, so we have decided to tell her in the morning that she has to show us she can do at least 2 fuss free bedtimes before she can have it back! AIBU or is that fair?

OP posts:

Tortington · 21/12/2009 16:41

sounds fine to me.

edam · 21/12/2009 16:47

OK, I sympathise with you, MissMoopy, and suspect the posters who are saying 'fair enough, she needs to know where the line is' are probably right... but I loved my dolls house so much when I was little I would have been devastated if it had been taken away and would probably still be casting it up at my mother every so often even now.

Think there is something in what people have been saying about the dolls house not being relevant to the behaviour. I might have done down a different route - over-excitement and tiredness and inability to control oneself aren't that unusual in small children at this time of year. They do need handling, but not IMO in a draconian manner.

(I am a hypocrite though as had to take ds Christmas shopping today and ended up shouting at him and nagging him for messing around when I know it's because a Christmas shopping trip really isn't something that is an ideal activity for him, especially when it's snowing and there are icy puddles to jump in and break up - but jumping down off the kerb when there are cars coming does deserve being shouted at IMO.)

EvilTwinsStoleSantasSleigh · 21/12/2009 16:58

YANBU. I do understand the various points of view put forward here, but I have to say, OP, I think what you did was fair. My DDs are generally well behaved, but do, on occasion, behave very badly. I think it's important that they understand that poor behaviour has consequences, and have, more than once, removed items that they think are important, to make the point that I feel that good behaviour/nice manners etc are important. So the consequence is logical. DT1 went through a phase of damaging toys, so I removed her favourite dressing up costume and hung it on a door where she could see it but not reach it, though it wasn't dressing up clothes she was damaging. I explained what I was doing, had given her two warnings, and made it clear that she could have it back when she showed me that she could look after her toys (obviously was more specific in terms of time etc) I understand what posters are saying about the punishment fitting the crime, but taking the toys she was damaging away wouldn't have had an effect as she wasn't really bothered about them, and I feel that would have given her the message that if she was bored of a particular toy, she only had to break it, and I would take it away anyway.

I know that kids are generally pretty excited and over-wrought at the moment, but I don't think it's an excuse for poor behaviour (mine are only 3.5)

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 21/12/2009 17:05

Spare the rod.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 21/12/2009 18:27

Yes I think there is a better way than this to be honest. If you have to keep returning a child to their room whom you know to be over-wrought, overtired and over excited then personally I would think the role of the adult is not to try to 'teach' consequences in a punitive way. For my ds I would have probably said 'look if you are really good and quiet I will read to you and stay with you until you drop off'....it's the kinder way. I don't think bedtime during christmas week is the best time to be leaping on over wrought behaviour with a 5 year old....

however, you were there, you know whether you feel this has been ok and worked or not

Just giving my thoughts on the way I approached it with my ds....and that has worked for me

CirrhosisByTheSea · 21/12/2009 18:28

and one thing I meant to add, is that after a kind and gentle bedtime you don't 'feel awful' as you mentioned feeling in your op

so better all round, imo

Original poster

MissMoopy · 21/12/2009 23:10

She had had a kind and gentle bedtime. She had had three stories as always, I had sat with her for ten minutes and she then still went crazy.
I agree that the timing was not great, and have reviewed our decision. Tonight I sat with her while she fell asleep. Christmas is not the time to fight this battle. Thank you for all the kind words from kind posters. The other posters, try a little tenderness, in the words of the song. We are all mothers, trying to do our best and looking to each other for support and advice.

OP posts:

NightShoe · 22/12/2009 01:56

Glad it went well tonight. Just remember that support and advice doesn't always come in the form of agreement, sometimes different opinions can be just as enlightening although hard to hear. You were obviously just trying to do the right thing by your child. Merry Christmas.

kinnies · 22/12/2009 02:26

You did the right thing.

Glad Dd went down better.

I'm a firm beleiver that you have to make a point WRT what is ok and what is not.
That kind of tantrum from a 5yr old is not. Even at Christmas.

I would have done the same and I think that this is why my 8yr old Ds is a well behaved kid who is well liked by all that meet him.

A friend of mine has a Dc of the same age and she STILL throughs tantrums, breaks stuff and can be a right pita. Shes a nice kid but tbh I get the raving hump with her and so does everyone else.

Its easier to let things go and not teach them right from wrong but it harms them in the long run.

If you took her comfort teddy or somthing I would think that a bit harsh.
You took a new toy that yes she liked, but didnt need.

Btw I am as soppy as they come

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 22/12/2009 07:53

Well done. Sorry if sounded harsh, didn't mean it thus, tis the difficulties of email unsoftened by expression and gesture. You cow.

It was a JOKE.

muppetgirl · 22/12/2009 20:50

Glad you had a better bedtime MissMoopy, hope it continues

ChippingIn · 25/12/2009 09:51

MissMoopy - glad you had a better night, I hope you had a lovely Christmas Eve & that you're having a great Christmas!

CirrhosisByTheSea Mon 21-Dec-09 14:30:15
I notice that the only person who has tried to justify their view with "well people of another opinion have badly behaved children" is ChippingIn. Cirrhosis - I don't mind anyone quoting me, but that isn't what I said! Please try not to mis-quote me. Happy Christmas - Chippy.

Morloth · 25/12/2009 12:53

Sounds fine to me.

Dollshouse is "currency" ATM. I don't feel the need to tie all consequences directly to actions now that DS is 5. He is clever enough to make the connection and we tell him the connection as well.

Works here.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread