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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour is being unreasonable?

101 replies

MissGreatBritain · 19/12/2009 14:09

Bit of background - he and his wife are in their 50s, have no children, or pets and appear to hate both. So the neighbour has an immaculate garden. He often trims trees that overhang his garden from ours and throws the leaves and branches back over to us. Also he cut the hedge between our houses so much that they can now see straight into our living room (without asking if we minded). Said no to 6 yr old DS when DS tried to get his ball back which had gone over the fence (a once in a lifetime occurance may I add). So basically he's a miserable old bastard.

Since last year we have had a cat, which appeared in our garden as a stray and which we kept. Recently we noticed that the cat appeared to be pooing behind the shed. Only today I noticed that the poo is pretty much spread around, and then I noticed that some of it is on ledge, much higher up. Then it occured to me - the cat is obviously pooing in the neighbour's garden and he is randomly throwing it back into our garden. I know that cat poo is disgusting, but to throw it over the fence is a bit much - it's not like we can stop the cat doing it. So do you think he's right or wrong? And if you're with me and think he's wrong, what shall I do about it? (I'm tempted to wrap it up with a merry christmas tag on it and leave it on his doorstep, but maybe that's not really on )

OP posts:
MillyR · 19/12/2009 16:35

Pogleswood, I think it is a bit nitpicking though if you own a pet and are not sure which are its poos and which not to refuse to clean up. Sometimes I don't clear up after my dogs because I cannot find where they have done it (if it is dark) as I am on a moor. So the next day I will go out with a shovel and clear up any poo I find; I don't inspect it and think 'not mine, not my responsibility.' My neighbours do the same, even though legally it is not on a right of way so none of us have to clean up anything.

I think if you have neighbours and there is cat poo about, then you see it as your collective responsibility to clear it up if you are cat owners.

Legally, catching a cat fouling should be no more difficult than catching a dog fouling. They don't have to prove I am responsible for every poo in the park to fine me for one incident.

PhaseolusNativitatus · 19/12/2009 16:53

We had a neighbour like this; he once attacked a clematis with a hacksaw because it peeped over his fence. It was in full bloom . Throwing shit into your garden is outrageous; the poor cat doesn't know any better - he does. What would the reaction be to this behaviour if the neighbour were not possessed of the trappings of respectabilty? He is an anti-social oaf, pure and simple.

His poor wife.

Original poster
MissGreatBritain · 19/12/2009 17:01

Thanks for all your opinions. TBH if he were a nice neighbour then I would have sympathy, as cat poo is vile. But let me tell you a few other things he has done. When DS was born we had a visitor who literally just popped in to drop off a gift, leaving her 5 yr old DS in the car outside, with the engine still running. She was in the house about 2 minutes. In that time, miserable bastard got in her car and moved it! Said it was blocking his driveway and he needed to go out. FFS - he only needed to knock on the door! He also lights bonfires when he knows I've got washing out and spends half the day cutting pipes with an angle-grinder. He has security lights on that shine into our garden (a real pita). DP asked him to tilt them slightly, away from our garden but he won't. Also, his other security light, which is on practically all the time, now shines right into our living room because he cut down the hedge. The list goes on and on. So I really don't feel inclined to be reasonable about this at all. I think you need give and take to be neighbours, but he's never once considered us. The more he does things the more I feel like pooing in his garden myself

But, going back to the original question, as someone said, how do I know it's my cat? We live in a village and are surrounded by fields and houses and there are loads of cats about. I know that our cats go in his garden, but we can't stop them as he has an open driveway (and of course lots of holes in the hedge, that he made himself!!!!)

The other thing is, our cat buries its poo, so to go round and clear it up would be impossible, unless he has just dug it up. I think we'll just throw it back when he goes on holiday .

OP posts:
BooHooo · 19/12/2009 17:06

Nice

lisbey · 19/12/2009 17:14

Maybe he was makijng a "helpful" point. He was able to move a car with a five y/o left in it My drive gets regularly blocked, you don't always know where the driver is (and wouldn't necessary think it could be those lovely people next door, as they're always so considerate ) and you don't know how long they're going to be. It is very annoying.

alypaly · 19/12/2009 17:17

he is my neighbour....mine has his security lights on all night..its like blackpool all round his garden,with uplighters,downlighters....he is causing the worlds light pollution

SantasKinkyKnickers0nMaHead · 19/12/2009 17:21

Your cat, your poo. Gross.

GroundHoHoHogs · 19/12/2009 18:08

My neighbours cat has crapped in both front and back gardens. I have 4yo DS, no pets.

I bought a sonic cat deterrant, and some Get Off crystals since then, no poo in either garden.

I did however chuck a couple of 'gifts' back over the low front fence in a bid to remind cat where it's territory should be.

I'm not disputing that he's perhaps a disagreeable fellow, but having someone elses cat crap in your garden really is the pits.

Mishy1234 · 19/12/2009 18:41

I do think it's odd to throw the cat poo back over the fence and it' not something I would do. Surely if he's collected it, he should just dispose of it in the proper manner.

I hate cats pooing in our garden and generally don't like them as pets, but understand that it's not possible for cat owners to stop cats for pooing. They are roaming animals by nature and I guess they poo to mark their territory.

I would speak to him about it and ask if he's seen your cats doing it. If so, then I think it's reasonable for you to offer to go around and pick it up. If it's your cat poo, you should clean it up.

Morloth · 19/12/2009 19:10

Your cat, your shit.

ExplodingBananas · 19/12/2009 20:48

It is not your cat your shit. That's a very ignorant view IMO.

Cats are classed as wild animals alongside foxes etc, unlike dogs who can be controlled and shouldn't be pooing in other peoples gardens.

How on earth could anyone expect a cat owner to clear up after them, most cats cover several acres, they don't just stick to the gardens nearby so there is no way of knowing whether this is your cats poo.

YANBU.

MillyR · 19/12/2009 20:55

Cats are not the same as wild animals at all. I can shoot a wild rabbit that comes into my garden, but not one that belongs to my neighbour and lives in their garden. Are you suggesting that it would be legal for the neighbour to shoot the cat as an alternative to cleaning up the poo?

Rainbowinthesky · 19/12/2009 21:16

I don't get the objection. It's your shit from your cat he's returning to you. How can you object to the shit being in your garden? Just clean it up.

Original poster
MissGreatBritain · 20/12/2009 08:53

It's not the being there as such, it's the fact that he's throwing it and it's landing all over the place. I would much rather my cat didn't poo in his garden, in fact I'd rather we didn't have cats at all, but we gave a home to a stray becuase all the shelters were full and no one could take her. And she was pregnant, so we then had to look after and rehome 5 kittens! So the cat in question is semi-wild and isn't really "ours" as such. We kept one of the kittens, but he never ventures out of the garden, so it's not him. I think it's the neighbour's lack of politeness and consideration in all things that has really pissed me off. If he'd spoken to us about it (and made sure that it is OUR cat that's doing it) then we could have tried to buy some cat scarers or something for him, but he's such an ignorant git that I dont' feel inclined to help. Also, according to the law, cat owners are not responsible for their cat's actions (in the way that dog owners are) so we are under no legal obligation to do anything. And given that he sticks to the letter of the law with his "cutting off branches from our tree and throwing them onto our lawn" then you can see how it makes me feel.

Cat poo isn't nice for anyone to deal with, I do have sympathy, but I suppose in the back of my head I think he deserves it for being such a wanker generally.

OP posts:
Heated · 20/12/2009 10:48

Go on, plant that leylandii, you know you want to .

zookeeper · 20/12/2009 11:05

There is nothing more miserable than war with neighbours so I would do everything I could to avoid it, even if they are miserable old gits. Remember that when you sell the house you have to say if you have had any disputes with them.

Go around with some sort of cat deterrent, apologise profusely and smile sweetly.

Then go home and stick a knife in your neighbour-shaped pillow.

snickersnack · 20/12/2009 11:38

Branches and balls - he sounds a bit of a miserable git, as there's no need to be quite so grumpy about those. But god knows I've been tempted to hurl cat poo back across my neighbour's fence when I've got to spend 10 mins every morning cleaning the garden before the children go outside. Disgusting and anti- social.

MrsSantaChemist · 20/12/2009 11:47

You mention the cat was a stray that wandered into your garden. It is possible that the gardens around your houses were his territory anyway, meaning he would crap in the neighbour's garden regardless of whether you adopted him or not.

It could be worse, our neighbour's dog craps in our communal garden, and they don't clean it up.

ScreaminEagle · 20/12/2009 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

paisleyleaf · 20/12/2009 11:56

'your cat, your shit' here too.
If you've got a cat, you can expect cat poo randomly across your garden.
He can chuck it over using a shovel or something so doesn't have to deal too closely with it.

MadameCastafiore · 20/12/2009 12:04

I'd chuck your cats poo back into your garden. I have to pick up my dogs poo from where ever she goes and I don't see why you think it is ok that your cat poos in his garden just because he is disagreeable in other respects.

Try and behave decently with regards to the poo - go round there and offer to clean it up for him maybe.

thenameiwantedwastaken · 20/12/2009 12:15

Maybe you could suggest cat is choosing his garden to poo in as she gets a great view from those lovely bright security lights? ;)

But seriously, I don't think YABU to be annoyed at his behaviour but, as others have said, you may need to be the 'bigger person' in order to avoid full scale neighbourhood war. Choose to ignore it, discuss and try to solve problems (like cat poo) together or take legal action if problems are insurmountable.

TubbyDuffs · 20/12/2009 12:17

He's obviously not totally averse to shovelling the shit up, so why the hell doesn't he just bin it. At least if he'd mentioned it to you, or asked you to clean it up, he wouldn't have had to be doing this again and again. Prat.

Sounds like a right miserable twonk to me.

As for the ball, I would definitely ask for it back and mention that it has never happened before.

I agree that cat poo is pretty vile. Try litter training the cat.

mazzystartled · 20/12/2009 12:31

All these things are encroaching on his enjoyment of his property, I can see why he'd be pissed off.

He's unreasonable about the ball if it's a one off. He's well within his rights to cut off the branches - but chucking them back over is a bit much.
But having a neighbour's cat pooing in your garden is foul.
I don't agree with his solution but you have to sort this out. Whether that means you go round and clear it up when it happens or you train your cat to use a litter tray.

PeasPlease · 20/12/2009 12:35

Cat poo is a dangerous thing to have in a garden when you have little kids and for that reason DH shovels it up and chucks it over the fence into the owners garden. We get on OK with them and they wouldn't dream of expecting us to dispose of their cat's waste.

You have chosen to own a cat, you need to work out a way of controlling where it poos or accept that your neighbours anger at the unwanted filth in the garden. Maybe if you do something about it he will relent with the lights etc. Remember, to many people cat/dog poo is vile and abhorrent even if you don't mind it.