and if not how do I get over it?

[RubyBuckleberry]

We have a ten week old little boy and I am EBFing. My husband mentioned this morning that him and his team (he works in the city) are hoping to get a chance to have some time off this afternoon cos his boss is away. They are planning to go to lunch and not come back - they are also going to go bowling.

Am I being unreasonable to expect that if he has the chance to get some free time he would jump at the chance to come home and pend some time with me and DS and then do bathtime which he is never able to get home for as it is at 6pm.

I feel really quite upset and outraged at this as his response is a) I shouldn't make hime feel guilty and I should trust that he is able to make responsible decisions regarding the amount of time he spends with DS. and b) actually that is pretty much it...

I now cannot really concentrate on looking after DS as I feel really upset and angry. I don't want to feel like this - I just want to get on with our day. AIBU?

Well DS is in bed without a bath and no he didn't disintegrate .

Great ideas here and perspectives, thanks - like realising this will be over soon and it will be toddlerhood! I had a great day as normal once I got going... will try and be more level next time - lovely ideas about maturely talking to him and taking advantage of the time spent BFing etc. I am actually really looking forward to Christmas because TBH he will actually be around all the time, and will want to spend lots of time with DS, and hang out with us. I agree that resentment is not good, like I said, I don't want to be unreasonable, and for it to be an ishoo that spoils this time. Oh and I am going to express too.

Abetadad - don't get me started on the ff/bf thing. Its not really a choice because ff really isn't a viable option IMcontroversialforsomeO. Cirrhosis said it perfectly, 'For many many mums, it's not a 'decision' to BF or not work (in that you could just as easily decide, oooh I know! I fancy a night out so I'll formula feed and work!! Hurrah!) It is a wholehearted, heartfelt stab at meeting the baby's needs. It's also a visceral response for many women." I think that just saying, you shouldn't winge, is useless. Its not the solution to just go back to work and feed the baby formula - er, we had a baby, so want to be with it?! I wanted him to prioritise me and DS first, and he didn't, and that upset me.

ah thanks figrollinthehay, what a reminder .

Sounds like you just need a break OP

YANBU

RubyBuckleberry - your choice but my DW did BF for 4 months then got to a stage where she was sick of being tied down all day (just as you seem to be). She decided to do FF thereafter which I shared fully 50% of the time and enjoyed doing. It made me feel very close to DSs. Your DH has never experienced that feeling.

Its up to you but what precisely would your DH have done once he got home? Sat watching you BF for two hours? It does not have to be FF if you feel strongly about it but as I and others say, express some breast milk and allow DH to get involved. He is hardly likely to feel it a priority to get home if you do not allow him to do anything when he is there. I see it a lot on MN and in RL where women unconciously exclude DH/DP in the early part of the childcare process and end up doing everything and feeling knackered and resentful while DH feels excluded and frankly a bit of a spare part and useless.

I think you need to let go a bit and leave DH on his own with the baby over Xmas.

Thanks everyone for advice - had a great weekend, DH very involved as usual and I felt like I had a break... Although I will be expressing at some point in the near future so I can escape for a good stretch of a day .

ABetaDad - I am not sick of being tied down so much as I wanted DH to prioritise me and DS instead of work. "what precisely would your DH have done once he got home? Sat watching you BF for two hours?" Two hours?? Er, not quite that long. DS has always been pretty efficient - he feeds for about 15minutes at a time and then when DH is home, he PLAYS with him! Of course he would not want to come home if I didn't let him do anything, but it is precisely the opposite - DH is so good at being with DS that I was disappointed that he didn't want to come and hang out with him instead of going bowling/drinking. DS loves hanging out with DH and it is this I love to see. As it happens, I agree that he needed time out, he was home for the evening and then we had a great weekend... I was clearly having an unreasonable moment

And DH has fed DS before - at the beginning when I had a cracked nipple and it needed to heal - DH fed him every other feed for four or five days. He loved it, but is also more than happy to bond with him in millions of other ways.

Awwww, that all sounds really nice. Glad it turned out well.

If it makes you feel any better just think ahead 6 years when DS wants DH to run aroud the garden in the blazing summer sun all weekend playing football while you sit sipping a glass of wine on the lounger.

oooohh now that does sound good