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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wish a friend would shut up about how perfect her life is?

124 replies

totallyawesome · 17/12/2009 07:10

it's getting on my wick!

She has, on the face of it, a perfect life. She is smugly happily married, they have no money worries, she is smugly entirely happy in her job, they have enough money to spend on a new car, are talking about buying a bigger house, she can go on business trips with work (and therefore maintain her career) because hubby will take care of the kids.

In contrast, I am on my own, smugly happily divorced, have much less disposable income, am just about content in my job (but am thoroughly sick of having to work with her), have no chance of trips with work because I can't get childcare and my career is suffering in comparison.

One of the few things that's keeping me sane is knowing that her life is only perfect with the aid of Prozac. And that her hubby is not entirely satisfied with their sex life because he has tried it on with me!

is it ok to be hacked off? or have I turned into a Grumpy Old Woman?

OP posts:
OooohWhatAFuss · 17/12/2009 12:16

YABU and bitchy. You obviously do not see this woman as a friend or you would not be pleased that she is on ADs and her husband tried it on with you. Nice.

thesecondcoming · 17/12/2009 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UndomesticHousewife · 17/12/2009 12:44

Your poor 'friend', she's not happily married at all, you know that and probably she does as well. A man that will try it on with their wife's friend will almost certainly have tried it on with others too.
She's on AD so obviously she's not happy, maybe her 'gloating' is just her way of trying to keep her life together. After all no one likes everyone else to know how shit their life really is.

I certainly don't go round telling everyone all my money and relationship troubles, although I wouldn't brag about how good my life is I'm not on AD's so I couldn't say what state this friend is in or why she feels the need to do it.

Everybodies lives are different, no point in feeling jealous about other people's successes, acheivements or wealth. Get on with making your life better so you won't feel like this.

Numberfour · 17/12/2009 12:54

i have only read the first page but i think YANBU! I have a friend who is similar. I will always remain her friend because i have known her since 1973 and because under all that hot air about how perfect things are, are two one night stands she had - one while engaged to her DH and one while married (still married).

sometimes all this "oh how perfect is my life" is a bit of a mantra people may use so that they can convince themselves.

i don't think you sound as if you are gloating, for what it's worth. maybe time to withdraw from the friendship, though! (and despite my comment about my friend, i love her dearly, will never "dump" her but every now and then I do roll my eyes and smile!)

DuelingFanjo · 17/12/2009 13:04

YABU - why do you call her a friend when clearly you don't like her much.

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 17/12/2009 13:17

Don't any of you lot have 'friends'-meaning person you may vaguely and occasionally socialise with-who get on your nerves soemtimes or you have unkind thoughts about??

Friend is term for non relation that you know socially, not necesarily bosom buddies always selfless and thinking good thougts about each other.

i even get irrated occasionally by my best rfeind who I do love and would do anything for, and have many unkind thoughts about people witin my social circle eg women at bookgroup last night very annoying, who'd I'd proably descibe as friend for shorthand to others.

by Mn pious judgement I'm probably the antichrist.

pagwatch · 17/12/2009 13:32

I really don't understand this defintion of friend.
Genuinely.
Why would you describe her as a friend when you obviously don't like her much?
Does everyone do that?
My friends are my friends. I have aquaintances that I have some social contact with - like parents of DCs friends but I would not know they were on ADs because - well, we are not friends.

Do you people really feel so indifferent to people they are close enough to share such personal information with.
I would hate to volunteer that kind of stuff to a friend and not realise they don't like me much.
Is it me?

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 17/12/2009 13:41

Are there not poeple in between aquaintances and friends, that you may describe to others as friend to explain you 'know' them but they are not really real friends iykwim?

like frinsd of frinds and people you meet at groups and other social gatherings one more than one occasion. more than an aquaintance as you knwo all about thier kids/holidays/jobs etc from makin small talk, but you don't necesarily desparately like them or want them as a close frind.

i think we need more than one word fro friend. thios has also caused difficulties on the 'my cool frind' thread.

FolornHope · 17/12/2009 13:42

i agree babs

really lackign ANY understanding here!

pagwatch · 17/12/2009 13:45

see what you mean.
I guess I just wouldn't have 'my friend' and 'bitching' in the same context.
If I don't like someone enough that I won't refrain from bitching about her then I don't use friend.
Thinking about it I do use 'one of the mums from DDs/DCs school' quite a lot

ImSoNotTelling · 17/12/2009 13:51

Where is OP?

PollyPoo · 17/12/2009 13:52

I'm with the minority. OP did not say she was jealous, some have read a few small paragraphs and judged her on it. She said her friend's gloating is getting on her wick. Fair enough - it would me too.

If they really are good friends then the OP may feel upset that although she knows the friend's life is not all that great, the friend is not willing to open up. Maybe it just grates with the OP because the friend is self-obsessed (and deluded) and constantly bleating on about how great her life is without stopping to have a bit of tact and sensitivity about how others around her may be feeling? Maybe it is her defence mechanism or 'stiff upper lip', who knows? None of us.

I like it that MN is the place where we can all come and reveal are deepest darkest thoughts, hopes and wishes, just to get them off our chest, without upsetting or offending someone in RL. Surely that is ok?

PollyPoo · 17/12/2009 13:57

OP is probably in hiding. Or arranging name change. Poor woman!

SerenityNowAKABleh · 17/12/2009 14:01

The OP didn't actually say tat she was bragging about her life, just that she "appears" to have the perfect life.

OP - YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU. And business trips can suck. You're on your own, far from home ... it's not all larking about and having fun.

MaggieAnFiaRua · 17/12/2009 14:04

I don't think yabu. being smug is insufferable.

most of my friends have 'more' than i do, but they all seem sensitive and don't rub my nose in it, even though i'm happy for them, i just want various things for myself too!!

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 17/12/2009 14:04

Yes pag 'mum from school' or 'x's mother' is good way around the friend/acquainatnec dilemma.

'Friends' at work 9like OP) are often peopel you end up talking with as you're put together, but don't necessarily like that much,can be v annoying but you know loads about them.

bit like NCt. god there was one deeply irratating women in my group, still had her round for coffee with the others though, cooed over wedding photos and listened to family history. was she my friend/ not really, but she wasn't an acquitance either. (thank God those day are over!)

NancyDrewRocks · 17/12/2009 14:05

Might be persuaded OP is not hate filled jealous bitch if she could explain how her "friend" gloats about her perfect life because from my reading it is all about the OP's observations rather than anything the friend has actually said/done.

Apart from saying she talks about buying a bigger house, which unless her exact words were "we can't wait to get out of our skanky 3 bed hovel, it is soooo unbecoming" I'm not really getting it.

Looks like OP has done a runner though...

MaggieAnFiaRua · 17/12/2009 14:05

oh, i see her husband made a pass at you..... hmm

pagwatch, i agree, i only have friends i like who like me. seems a simple enough formula! seems to work for me

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 17/12/2009 14:07

The fecking title says she wiehed she's shut up about her perfect life, which implys bragging. Surely? or at least a going on about?

sheesh, I know some don't read the thread, some only skim the OP, but surely you read the friggin title??

BornAgain · 17/12/2009 14:08

More of a jealous bitch than grumpy old woman I would say. With friends like you...

SerenityNowAKABleh · 17/12/2009 14:12

Not necessarily. It could mean that she talks about it, but it does not necessarily imply bragging.

Shroomer · 17/12/2009 14:14

"I am just about content in my job (but am thoroughly sick of having to work with her)"

She doesn't really sound like a friend.

"One of the few things that's keeping me sane is knowing that her life is only perfect with the aid of Prozac."

If she really was your friend, or was someone you valued, you wouldn't be happy that she is on Prozac. It sounds as if you need a bit of distance from her (may not be possible as you work with her). You should be happy that she is happy, and don't be envious - it just eats away at you.

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 17/12/2009 14:18

Well even talking about how perfect your life is can be pretty neuseating to others, and when you knwo it's not like they saying, also rather galling to have to listen to.

PollyPoo · 17/12/2009 14:29

Can't believe how judgemental some MNers are! Have you seriously NEVER thought a bad thing about a friend/acquaintance/family member EVER? Never thought 'oh god, I wish she would shut up about ***' (whatever it was)?

The OP made a short statement, probably just to let off steam and have a bit of a laugh with some fellow posters, and all she gets is judgement from on high? That sucks imo.

OP, where are you? I'll come and join you....

tigerbear · 17/12/2009 14:30

Totally agree with what Serenity and Undomestic said.
To me, it doesn't sound like the OP's 'friend' has been going on about how perfect her life is all the time - rather that the OP has picked up on certain things about her lifestyle, and has become jealous about it.

OP (if you're still around, which I doubt) -
You're jealous of someone who is depressed, and whose husband is a twunt? Really? Your life MUST be really shit if that's someone you get jealous about!
Believe me, depression is NOTHING to be jealous about!

As others have said, concentrate on doing something to change your own life if you're that fed up with it. No point in looking at other people's lives and wishing for what they have - and tbh, this woman doesn't seem to have the perfect life AT ALL! (As far as I can see from your posting, the only vaguely exciting thing - in your view - is that your friend gets to go on a few business trips and can get a new car. Big deal!).