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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be surprised that no other parent at pre-school sent the children cards/little gifts?

61 replies

deaconblue · 16/12/2009 19:21

I put a packet of treat size buttons in every child's folder with a label on it from ds. He hasn't received any cards or anything similar at all. So either he's the most unpopular child there - in which case I still think the parents would be mean to not include ds - or no one else did anything for Christmas. Also only 1 parent thanked me for the chocolates. Is this a bit odd or am I being overkeen bothering in the first place?

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 16/12/2009 19:23

I wouldn't even think to do this, but of course would thank anyone who did.
I don't do cards to the kids either, just one to the class, which gets read out at story time.
Yabu to be surprised, but a think you would be nice.

nickytwotimes · 16/12/2009 19:24

or even a thANk you.

Brunettelady · 16/12/2009 19:24

I think you are going a bit OTT in giving something to every child in preschool!!! Parents just don't want added pressures of giving things like this! I got my DS to make a few cards and I gave one to the staff at the creche where he goes to, but thats it. They could have said thank you but I think you did go overboard, although the thought was there obviously.

WidowWadman · 16/12/2009 19:24

I think you're a bit overkeen. I'm certainly not planning to do this at nursery (will bring in biscuits for the kids on the daughter's birthday though)

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 16/12/2009 19:25

YABU

I would have thanked you if had seen you but I think it is unnecessary to send in gifts for all the kids. A card is enough.

It isn't the norm to send presents and I don't think it should be tbh.

Original poster

deaconblue · 16/12/2009 19:25

there are only 25, it's a little pre-school

OP posts:

rookiemater · 16/12/2009 19:25

We received a note from the nursery saying they were eco friendly and suggesting it would be better not to send cards, very happy to oblige although DS has still received a couple from other children.

You may find that the pre-school actively discourages cards and I have never heard of giving presents to each child.

I think what you have done is nice and would never have occurred to me in a million years, but then thank goodness or DS would get 20 bags of chocolate.

PetrusPoo · 16/12/2009 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickytwotimes · 16/12/2009 19:25

there's only 25 at ds's too.
Still wouldn't do it, though it is a nice gesture.

llareggub · 16/12/2009 19:26

I don't even know the names of the other children there, bar one or two. Only 1 person sent a card around our pre-school, and I've never heard DS talk about her. I really don't want to go down that path until I really, really have to.

You sound far nicer than me. I'm probably a bit scrooge-like.

JACKIEwrappingPAPER · 16/12/2009 19:26

umm well tbh i don't think many parents at preschool would think to send in cards/choc whatever. my dd goes to a pre-school and she has sent cards & gifts to the 'teachers' but that's it. tbh i don't even know most of the kids names so it would feel a bit daft to send them cards or presents.

CybilServant · 16/12/2009 19:27

so if every child sent chocs to every child thats 25 bags of little chocs each child has got (Carol Vorderman eat your heart out) Would you want your child to have all that? Whats the point? it cancels itself out

AboardtheAxiom · 16/12/2009 19:27

Hmmm... there is a mum in my DS's class who gave all her DS's friends a present and frequently buy other dcs chocolates and she is generally regarded as a bit over the top/precious. She is the only parent in the class who does these things. Cards, yes sure but most parents regard doing them as a PITA, presents/chocolate too much.

I would have thanked you for the buttons but I know other mums who are more 'food police' than me have actually been annoyed/irritated by this well meaning gesture.

I am rambling.

I am sure you are a well meaning generous person, and I am sure your son isn't unpopular, more just other mums haven't thought to do this and are a bit rude not thanking you for what they have received for their dcs.

LowLevelBahHumbug · 16/12/2009 19:27

Overkeen indeed. This is competitive mumness as it's not coming from the child at all. If my pre-schoolers asked me if they could send cards/gifts, I certainly would, but they really have little concept of what it means so it can wait.

I have enough to do without spending time buying and writing 50 cards for tiny people who don't know what they are.

SleighGirl · 16/12/2009 19:28

I have 4 children, so each in a class/pre-school with 29 other children so I'd have to buy 120 cards/small gifts etc. So I don't!! They send cards to children they are particular friends with and that's it.

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/12/2009 19:28

It never crossed my mind to buy for the other children and there were only 8 when DS was at pre-school, we did do cards though. Nobody else did presents either just a treat on birthdays.

mistletoekisses · 16/12/2009 19:28

I havent done this at my sons nursery and neither has any other parent. I think this time of year, everyone has enough on their plates. So it is a little overkeen. The only thing I do at Christmas is make sure the staff get a gift.

But having said that, if someone had done this for DS, I would have reciprocated and also sent a little thank you.

Morloth · 16/12/2009 19:29

Dear lord will you good mothers stop making it hard for us lazy arses?

overmydeadbody · 16/12/2009 19:29

oh man you are over-keen. It's only pre-school, why bother?

sarah293 · 16/12/2009 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

spicemonster · 16/12/2009 19:29

Yes YABU. I think cards (unless written by the sender) are a total waste of time and gifts are just having too much time and money on your hands. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it just seems like spending money for the sake of it to me

overmydeadbody · 16/12/2009 19:30

and yeah it's ridiculous competative mumness.

wonderingwondering · 16/12/2009 19:30

I think it creates pressure: DD went to a nursery attached to a private school, and the mums there were giving out presents to the whole class at Xmas, as well as chocolates (eggs, rabbit lollies, not just penny sweets) at Easter. It was just OTT, and I know some people did it because it was the 'done thing'. I didn't.

It is extra pressure: I work, and this year I barely had time to write my own Xmas cards, let alone help DD with hers. I did it, because the children like getting cards in the school post. But presents/sweets: no. It is a kind idea, but there's no way I'd want it to become the norm.

Receiving 30 chocs at Christmas and Easter, plus having to buy and distribute 60 or 90 if you have 2 or 3 children at school [shudder].

Original poster

deaconblue · 16/12/2009 19:30

ok good points everyone. 25 bags of chocolates hadn't occurred to me and would take ds a long while to get through. I thought most would send cards (we used to get lots at ds' nursery when he was only 2!) and didn't want the hassle of writing them all, hence chocolates. Won't make so much effort next time

OP posts:

WillieWalsh · 16/12/2009 19:31

oi shopping
i rang oyu and you were otu beatch

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