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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be surprised that no other parent at pre-school sent the children cards/little gifts?

61 replies

deaconblue · 16/12/2009 19:21

I put a packet of treat size buttons in every child's folder with a label on it from ds. He hasn't received any cards or anything similar at all. So either he's the most unpopular child there - in which case I still think the parents would be mean to not include ds - or no one else did anything for Christmas. Also only 1 parent thanked me for the chocolates. Is this a bit odd or am I being overkeen bothering in the first place?

OP posts:
Wolliw · 16/12/2009 20:56

My opinion is that the children's parents might not want them to have extra sweets.
I had a word with the deputy manager this morning because my 3 year old came home from nursery with a lollipop. I have explicitly instructed that he does not have anything with sugar in it.

I also think that this is over the top and might encourage oneupmanship of generosity, which is no generosity at all.

SleightiesChick · 16/12/2009 20:58

Well, I do think it's impolite for other parents not to have said thank you, even if they don't want to gift give themselves. Unless your preschool is one where you rarely see / acknowledge other mums at pick up - my DS's nursery, which itself is great, is a bit like this and I do wish I knew more of the mums to say hello to but they tend to hurry off after I've smiled and said hi (maybe I should stop wearing that hockey mask, eh? )

I was just thinking about writing cards to the other kids in my DS's room at nursery. There are only 7 others. I'm a bit discouraged now but I love sending cards. Sorry if this makes other people feel bad but that isn't my intention and no doubt isn't for all the other mums sending them!

chegirlwithbellson · 16/12/2009 21:04

I have never done this or seen it done and I have had 3 children through preschool so far.

Its nice of you to do it but I am suprised you are suprised that no one else has.

I wouldnt even do cards if I thought I could get away with it. But I know how much my
children love getting them so seems mean not to do them for others.

Mind you, the flipping palavar it caused trying to explain to DS2 (SN) the sequence of writing name on card, writing his name on card, writing other child's name on envelope, putting card in envelope, crossing name off list, starting again THIRTY TIMES!!! (had to do it again each time) has made me think I may NOT bother next year.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 16/12/2009 21:34

Only once ever seen it at DS2's nursery school and it was an American mother who did it, so I wondered whether it was an American tradition? SBUE - does the fact that US is hidden in your name mean it is an American tradition ?

AmericanHag · 16/12/2009 23:56

I think this is done frequently in the U.S. It becomes a competition between mothers...who can hand out the most elaborate, delicious, time-consuming treats. Not everywhere, of course, but I've heard of it a lot.

Maybe the other parents just don't want to reinforce your behavior by thanking you? Seems like a whole bunch of work for something that will likely be tossed in the trash upon arriving home.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 17/12/2009 08:22

American Hag, I've noticed that the US mum's in dd's class do this. It becomes a competition about who can bake the best cookie or decorate the best cupcake. It has been going on all week because they break up tomorrow. I think it's a lovely idea but, DD eats really poorly so she's not going to want my packed lunch if there is a double choc chip choc coated triple smartie cookie on offer. The other issue is food allergies, a child in dd's class has multiple allergies and a really restricted diet. Poor him. I know that one mother, not me nor diet girl's has asked that the teacher doesn't give them out until hometime but one of the donor mums went to the office and raised hell

porcamiseria · 17/12/2009 08:55

its a bit OTT they are still little after all,

PlanetEarth · 17/12/2009 12:52

Cards, fine, thank yous, sure, but as for other parents doing presents - do you really want your child to come home with 25 lots of sweets?

theyoungvisiter · 17/12/2009 14:05

but even cards are madness IMO.

What if you have 3 children at nursery/school/preschool - do you really want to spend your precious evenings writing out 75 cards when each child will just look blankly at it, be unable to read the greeting, and lose it on the way home?

MegBusset · 17/12/2009 14:12

DS1 has come home with three or four cards 'from' preschool children. I have no idea who these kids are and neither does DS1! It's ridiculous and environmentally pretty crappy.

theyoungvisiter · 17/12/2009 20:28

I know. DS1 came home today with one from "Belinda". I have no idea who Belinda is. AFAIK there is no child called Belinda in his class. None of his teachers are called Belinda.

Is it a parent? A dinner lady? An imaginary friend? A pseudonymous admirer?

I asked DS who she was and he looked at me like I was a nutter! Still none the wiser...

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