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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want people to actually buy christmas presents for DD?

65 replies

MirandaAnn · 16/12/2009 15:43

Hi,
I'm new here so I hope it's ok to just jump in!

This Christmas will be DD's first one. She is our first child and as I'm sure you can imagine we have been eagerly anticipating this Christmas for ages!

Anyway, DH's family are proving to be useless and lazy regarding her presents. Out of the whole of his side of the family, and there are lots of them...only one person has actually physically bought a present. The 8 others, including his Mum, are giving money.

I objected this and asked nicely for them to buy something with the money instead as we would like for her to have a pile of presents to open. She is almost 1 and at the stage where she just wants to mess with everything, so she will no doubt have plenty of fun ripping open piles of things without being moved away or told no! And we have really been looking forward to seeing it.

Anyway, they all come back with the same thing 'She won't even know what's going on'...that may be the case, but she will be delighted by all of the things and shiny paper. It just seems lazy to me, and I have even said that if they get the cards and money early enough then I will buy and wrap presents for her on their behalf, but they are all being sent along with DH's Mum on christmas eve, at which point it will be too late to do anything about it. She is 'busy' every other day leading up to Christmas apparently.

She will have presents from us obviously, and my side of the family, but it just seems so lazy and has really got my back up that they have all seemed to agree they don't need to get actual gifts for her. I mean I'm even offering to do the shopping and wrapping for them, I am really grateful for them spending money on her, but it just seems a little half hearted, I don't know.

Sorry for such a long post but it's driving me crackers. For the first few months of her life, they were always here and making an effort...but now she isn't a tiny baby anymore, it seems as though they aren't quite as bothered.

I may be unreasonable, but I am just a little dissapointed with them.

OP posts:

BunnyLebowski · 16/12/2009 15:45

YABTotallyU not to mention ungrateful.

llareggub · 16/12/2009 15:48

You are in for a real disappointment in christmas day.

Your PFB will rip open a present on christmas day and that will be it. It will take her an age to work through any number of presents and if she is anything like my DS1 it will be the new year before she manages them all. Once opened, she will show more interest in the paper and the box than the contents.

YABU and she won't care.

peacocks · 16/12/2009 15:48

It shouldn't drive you crackers, just forget about it. Sounds like she'll have lots of presents to open anyway.

Seriously, one year old is a good time to start a tiny account for her or buy a Children's Bond or something. Or some Premium Bonds. One year old, she will not know the difference.

And if they carry on doing it in future years, when she WILL notice, you can either continue saving the money, or use the saved money to buy gifts before Christmas and then replace it with the new Christmas money. It'll be fine. Just make it work to your advantage.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 16/12/2009 15:49

Ach, you can use the money to get her presents and she can have another day of ripping open shiney parcels.

you · 16/12/2009 15:49

Yes, YABU, ungarateful and very, very silly.

It's DD's first christmas too and we've specifically phoned everyone asking them not to get presents. It's ridiculous the money maing, materialistic, grabby ploy that christmas has become. Ripping open pile of presents? FFS, you're going to raise a giant spoild brat if you carry on like that.

diedandgonetodevon · 16/12/2009 15:49

YABU. How much 'stuff' does a one year old really want? She will be quite happy with a couple of presents from you.
Money is much more useful at that age than a pile of plastic tat (which is inevitable what you end up with).

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 16/12/2009 15:49

YANBU. I always think that giving money instead of buying presents is a bit of a cop out tbh. Especially when you're buying for a 1 year old I mean the possibilities are endless aren't they?
If I were you I'd save all the money your DD is given and got to the sales in Jan- you'll get much more for your money .

giraffespullthesleigh · 16/12/2009 15:50

YABU

juneybean · 16/12/2009 15:50

Just give her the wrapping paper, it's all she'll be interested in.

you · 16/12/2009 15:50

Disclaimer- we haven't asked for money in lieu either... just before I get jumped on

mistletoekisses · 16/12/2009 15:51

Sorry to disagree with your first post but YABU. I think your family are actually being very sensible. Think you have a bit of PFB syndrome going on.

The family are right - your DD really will not have a clue what is going on. And when they do understand but are still very young, too many presents at once simply overwhelm them. We learnt this lesson the hard way at DS second birthday.

DS is getting his stocking presents and his big santa present on Christmas day. Maybe another smallish one in the afternoon. But the rest of the presents will be given out over the coming weeks/ months.

LetThereBeRock · 16/12/2009 15:51

YABU.

peacocks · 16/12/2009 15:51

Agree, the amount of stuff my children acquired -- I could have vomited sometimes.

diedandgonetodevon · 16/12/2009 15:51

PuppyMonkey · 16/12/2009 15:52

Just decorate her some empty boxes with wrapping paper and she will have as much fun.

And be grateful you have family who will contribute something for your dd's first Christmas, even if it is lazy old money. The cheek of them!

StayingSantasGirl · 16/12/2009 15:53

Why not get her some extra bits and pieces - not terribly expensive - a little doll, a new top (primark, maybe), some sweets etc etc, and wrap them all individually for her to have the fun of unwrapping. Then use some of the money your ILs give to pay for these, and use the rest to buy her something good in the January sales.

I can understand why you are rather about none of them getting her a gift rather than giving money - imo it is pretty easy to buy for a little one. My dses sometimes get money instead of presents from both the ILs and my mum, but it can be very hard for people to know what to get for a teenager.

Knownowt · 16/12/2009 15:54

Hmmm, sort or unreasonable, sort of not. On the one hand, they're quite right that she won't know what's going on- she'll presumably get presents from you so she'll have something to look at and play with. On the other hand, presnts are about more than just the cash- the thought and effort count- and presents to babies are often more about showing the parents that you care about their child. So I can see why you are disappointed and I'd feel the same, even though it's a bit sentimental.

I don't think there's anything you can or should do- just put it down to the fact that different people see things in different ways. Their cash will actually be very useful, eg to buy presents throughout the year. There's no point getting upset about the fact they have a different attitude.

mysteryfairy · 16/12/2009 15:56

Have to say YABU and there will come a time when you are very grateful not to be overrun with junk.

There seems to be an obvious solution if you know money is on the way for xmas eve. If you feel strongly that you want actual presents anticipate the money and buy the gifts on their behalf now. (Assuming you have spare cash to do this of course).

BTW you mention she is nearly one so I presume she has an imminent Winter birthday. My advice would be to put the cash to one side and invest in some nice summer stuff when she is 18 months. She will change a lot over the course of the next 12 months and it will be lovely to have an excuse to buy some age and season approriate toys in the summer when it is a long time to go til the next round of present giving.

chickbean · 16/12/2009 15:56

DS2 is 15 months old and even DH and I aren't buying him much (but then we already have loads of toys from DS1). DS1 is 3 and this is the first year he's getting excited. I'd use the money to buy her things if you don't want to save it for her.

christiana · 16/12/2009 15:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster

MirandaAnn · 16/12/2009 15:58

Thankyou Knownowt, maybe I am being a little sentimental and precious, but it's just what you say - it's the thought and effort behind presents, not the actual material possessions. I would be quite happy if they just made the effort to wrap a bag of chocolate buttons. Gee, I didn't realise I'd be throwing myself to the lions

OP posts:

HOHOHOtcrossbunny · 16/12/2009 15:59

I don't think you're BU.

IMO the size of the presents isn't important, if they'd just meet you halfway and get some small toy and then can give some money to put away in an account, then that would be a good compromise. You've politely asked them and they're ignoring your wishes, which I think is U.

TBH your baby will probably only want to open one or two presents, but you can help with the others and you'll have the glow of knowing her family have given her some lovely toys.

However, it sounds like they've made their minds up, so try not to let it spoil your lovely first Christmas together

mistletoekisses · 16/12/2009 15:59

OP - when you post on AIBU....lions is what you get.

Morloth · 16/12/2009 16:01

YABU, soon you will be overrun with kindercrap - seriously the shit breeds and you will be begging people to not buy any more of it.

Also is this a wind up? No-one is this mental about what other people are (or are not) buying their kids are they?

Morloth · 16/12/2009 16:03

Lions? I thought we were venomous vipers?

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