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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want people to actually buy christmas presents for DD?

65 replies

MirandaAnn · 16/12/2009 15:43

Hi,
I'm new here so I hope it's ok to just jump in!

This Christmas will be DD's first one. She is our first child and as I'm sure you can imagine we have been eagerly anticipating this Christmas for ages!

Anyway, DH's family are proving to be useless and lazy regarding her presents. Out of the whole of his side of the family, and there are lots of them...only one person has actually physically bought a present. The 8 others, including his Mum, are giving money.

I objected this and asked nicely for them to buy something with the money instead as we would like for her to have a pile of presents to open. She is almost 1 and at the stage where she just wants to mess with everything, so she will no doubt have plenty of fun ripping open piles of things without being moved away or told no! And we have really been looking forward to seeing it.

Anyway, they all come back with the same thing 'She won't even know what's going on'...that may be the case, but she will be delighted by all of the things and shiny paper. It just seems lazy to me, and I have even said that if they get the cards and money early enough then I will buy and wrap presents for her on their behalf, but they are all being sent along with DH's Mum on christmas eve, at which point it will be too late to do anything about it. She is 'busy' every other day leading up to Christmas apparently.

She will have presents from us obviously, and my side of the family, but it just seems so lazy and has really got my back up that they have all seemed to agree they don't need to get actual gifts for her. I mean I'm even offering to do the shopping and wrapping for them, I am really grateful for them spending money on her, but it just seems a little half hearted, I don't know.

Sorry for such a long post but it's driving me crackers. For the first few months of her life, they were always here and making an effort...but now she isn't a tiny baby anymore, it seems as though they aren't quite as bothered.

I may be unreasonable, but I am just a little dissapointed with them.

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 16/12/2009 20:23

PFB madness

Heqet · 16/12/2009 20:32

hi. welcome. She's nearly 1?

Trust me - she will NOT have a clue what's going on and tbh, in my experience, little ones get overwhelmed and upset when faced with a big pile of presents.

She'll eat the paper, chuck a few bits around and wander off. She won't play with them and if you go ott, amke a big deal of it or keep waving stuff around for her to open she will probably end up crying and clingy!

I speak from experience! I spent HUNDREDS on my eldest's first christmas and it did not go well. He didn't enjoy it and I was practically forcing it all on him to try to make it fit MY idea of what his first christmas should be, if you get me.

I think you are doing the same. Truly, it's not worth making a fuss about and possibly causing some bad feelings over christmas.

Turniphead1 · 16/12/2009 20:42

Better the offer of cash, than 5 separate requests for (very specific)present ideas for three children which is what I get from my in-laws. These requests (and in MiL's case I actually have to go out and buy the presents...) are all directed at me and not at their brother/son.

I second what others saying about your DD not really knowing what is going on. And a "big pile" of presents? Why? Kids normally only play with one or two things, tops.

I would let it go - and enjoy your first Christmas en famille. As the message from The Grinch goes, Christmas is not about the presents...

Wolliw · 16/12/2009 21:06

YABU my youngest is 21 months and may or may not like opening a few presents. At not quite one, you will be lucky if your daughter pays any attention to presents at all.

Stash the cash in CTF or savings and wait another year for her delighted face and a pile of presents she actually will really want.

fledtoscotland · 16/12/2009 22:25

YANBU for wanting your DC's 1st christmas to be be special, although it will just be another day to her. I know how you feel about the whole money thing. My family are the same and it sometimes feels like the easy option that requires no thought.

chill and enjoy your day.

mum2all · 16/12/2009 22:41

YAB(a bit)U
I would love it if the inlaws gave my dc money, or at least asked what she wanted/needed - last year she got 5 (FIVE!) winter coats. I thanked everyone for buying something useful and taking the time to look for somethingetc but inside I was thinking 'what a waste of money, if only they'd asked' most then spent boxing day trying to return or change them and I felt really bad they had to do that.
At 1 it will all be quite overwhelming for her and too many parcels will just overload her - agree with earlier post that wrapping paper and emty boxes are what toddlers love best about christmas

piscesmoon · 16/12/2009 22:47

Don't have high expectations or you will be disappointed. My DS1 didn't get into opening presents until he was about 5 yrs old!

scaryhairycat · 16/12/2009 22:54

Oh boohoo - lo is getting money and no big pile of presents to open sorry, but yabu....and ungrateful...and spoilt.

Just remember there are kids out there who have less than nothing on this special day (and every other day), and think about and be thankful for the gifts your pfb has right now....and they don't come wrapped in shiny paper btw...

mum2all · 18/12/2009 22:12

'I would be quite happy if they just made the effort to wrap a bag of chocolate buttons.'

Further to my previous post where i said YAB (a bit)U my mother has delicately reminded me of all the years my gran (not a good relationship - long story!) gave us money in a card when we were little and how much we hated it as we just wanted a parcel to open, even if it only contained a token gift.Also the year my other grandparents bought me a much thought about and expensive gift for me to spend the entire festive season playing with the very large box it came in!
Have you thought about asking them to give a small token gift so there are parcels to open but less money?
also maybe they are just giving money this year as she's so little and won't be as aware of what's happening?

Having thought about it a bit more - it is unusual for grandparents etc not to rush out and buy ANYTHING that says baby's first Christmas - I have a million different things saying that - so I'd be thankful in many ways
Am sure your DC will have a ball regardless x

mumeeee · 18/12/2009 23:28

YABU.They are giving money so you can actually get what she neds and what you want to get. They are right she won't know whats going on. In future years you may be moaning that she has far to much stuff.

MilkNoBrandyForSanta · 18/12/2009 23:57

I see your point about wanting her to have presents to open etc but if they buy her a lovely 738298428 piece toy, shell only want the box and youll spend the next year tripping over stuff!

She wont have a clue whats going on, nor will she actually care!

I also don't think giving money is a cop out! yes they could buy gifts but at least theyve realised they have no idea what to buy etc and given money instead
i hate it when people say its "unthoughtful" or a "cop out" Jeez, be grateful!!

So yes YABU and PFB-esque!

potplant · 19/12/2009 00:08

As you've still got the first Christmas and first birthday to go I'm imagining that you're house isn't bursting at the seams with toys and relatively clutter free. In a couple of years time you will be beside yourself with relief that they give money and not more stuff to add to the piles of other stuff.

Leaving the mince pie for Santa, creeping down stairs to see if he's been, ripping the wrapping off in a state of excitement - of course you can't wait for it, its just magical. BUT this year isn't the one for you yet. (And next year probably wont be either).

It will come you just have to be a bit more patient.

RockBird · 19/12/2009 00:19

DD, my only child was 11.5 months last Christmas. And you know what? She barely looked at the tree and we had to coax her to pull the paper off the giant Igglepiggle we had lovingly bought. She absolutely wasn't interested in the slightest. Her cousins opened the rest of her presents for her. There are still presents from last year that are as yet unused as she got so much there just weren't enough weeks in the year to get through them. I wish people had got money instead. I love buying little bits for DD and would much rather use the money to buy her things when I see them through the year. Either that or put it in her savings account.

This year she has loads of stuff again and I know she'll just be interested in sitting in the boxes and pretending she's going to sleep . But I am grateful for whatever people get her...even the eagerly awaited £3 present from my SIL, but I've already done a thread on that

If you expect her to even notice that it's Christmas then you are in for a big big shock. Give it three years and you might have a point.

nothingofthesort · 19/12/2009 00:36

YABU. Sounds like they've got it right. If it was me I'd just give my nearly one year old my presents to open if I wanted him to have "a pile of presents to open". He wont care what's inside.

brandybutterfly · 19/12/2009 00:40

YABU IMO and you're so lucky, I'd much prefer the cash to piles of presents.

Your DD will (maybe) play with a box or some wrapping paper. Buy her stuff in the January sales!

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