Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To speak to inlaws re how to spell DD's name?

67 replies

FimbleHobbs · 16/12/2009 10:49

DD has a name which we shorten 90% of the time. The shortened version ends in y but could also be spelt ending in ie.

OK sod it. Easier to explain with real name - shes Emily. We shorten to Milly. Using a y because that matches Emily. ILs always spell it Millie even though I always put Milly when texting MIL or sending cards or whatever.

They are very generous with gifts and often get her named things - spelt Millie - but then you rarely see Milly things in shops. However the birthday cake they had iced for her said Millie and they have written it on her Christmas card.

They are really lovely, involved grandparents which is the most important thing and I really value them. They can be a bit misguided sometimes e.g. they genuinely think Fruit Shoots are healthy fruit drinks and they don't look into the details of things too much, I am sure they already think I'm a bit anal/control freak as it is.

I really don't want to make a fuss over nothing and can't think of a casual way to mention it to them, but DD is now 3 and starting to get interested in the letters in her name. At preschool she is Milly and so thats how she'll learn to write her name.

What would you do?

OP posts:

GooseyLoosey · 16/12/2009 10:51

Get your dh to mention it to them - now dd is starting to focus on spelling her name, thought it a good time to agree on a spelling for her and you have decided on Milly. Better from dh as they are his parents.

diddl · 16/12/2009 10:52

Use her proper name?

TBH, I´d ignore.
It´s a nickname-as long as they spell Emily properly!

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 16/12/2009 10:52

yes, just gently and politely mention that actually her name is spelt with a y and not ie.

I don't see the relevance of you mentioning the fruit shoots btw as not sure that has anything to do with how someone might spell a name!

TBH I'm amazed you haven't already told them - do they not read the lettes or cards you send to them with her name in them? Suspect they've just got into the habit and as soon as you actually point it out to them they will amend it.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 16/12/2009 10:53

Agree with goosey

RainRainGoAway · 16/12/2009 10:54

Just tell them straight out in a gentle way.

My dad still spells my name with a -y instead of an -ie after 30-odd years!

dinoroar · 16/12/2009 10:54

I'd ignore it. Shortly your DD will be able to correct them herself. Not worth rocking the boat over IMO.

diddl · 16/12/2009 10:56

Sorry, only just seen that she is called Milly at pre school.
obviously you need to tell them or the poor thing will think that her own grandparents can´t spell her name!

RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 16/12/2009 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AngryFromManchester · 16/12/2009 10:56

Alot of people in our family spell ds1s name wrong. He is Louis but most people insist on spelling it with an 'ie' at the end. Thjen he gets the flip side where people pronounce is lewis from the written down form (though he corrects this now) We just ignore it though but it is annoying

diddl · 16/12/2009 10:57

Or maybe wait for her to tell them.

RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 16/12/2009 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

FimbleHobbs · 16/12/2009 11:01

Thanks all. Displayuntil, you're right I did go off on a bit of a tangent! Sorry - just trying to explain that they have very different views than I do on raising children (they kindly have DD on a regular basis) and they prob already think I am pernickety. I really don't want to upset/offend them but don't want to confuse DD either...

OP posts:

Original poster

FimbleHobbs · 16/12/2009 11:02

Reality you are so right. And probably just one l. Or she'll be EMZ or something

OP posts:

OhBuggerandArse · 16/12/2009 11:04

My name has a similar ending issue and my relatives have always had their own ways of spelling it - ie, i, or y respectively. The variation never really bothered me at all, and now it's a lovely nostalgic thing for me to see old letters or cards from my granny (now dead) using the spelling I associate so much with her. I really wouldn't worry about it!

cory · 16/12/2009 11:04

She won't be confused: she'll probably decide soon that she doesn't want either your spelling or your ILs but the one her mates find cool. Oh and she'll probably go through 5 or 6 totally new nicknames as well.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 16/12/2009 11:09

FimbleHobbs - I thought it was probably mentioned to show your differing views
I still think it's worth telling them you don't spell it the way they spell it. You will probably find that they feel terrible for not having twigged earlier!

Original poster

FimbleHobbs · 16/12/2009 11:09

OhBuggerandArse, thanks, thats a v good point. I had a lovely friend who always called me a slightly different name and it does become very special.

cory, you're right - she spends most days telling me 'I'm not Milly now I'm NineArmsLightyear' and other similar names!

OP posts:

Lymond · 16/12/2009 11:10

Does whichever of them writes the cards have poor sight or dyslexia? My grandmother spells all our names wrong!

But as they're so involved, I would say something. Phrase it something like
"We've all been using a few different versions of Milly, and we've decided to choose one ready for nursery, and Milly with a y is easiest for her as it has same ending as Emily."

CuppaTeaJanice · 16/12/2009 11:12

My gran always spelt the shortened version of my name with a -y, although I preferred to use -i. Now, however, I've changed to using -y all the time, in her memory.

If it really bothers you though, you need to explain to them without causing offence. I'd suggest going from the angle about not confusing Milly while she's learning to write and read.

Remember it is a nickname though, and nicknames (and their spellings) are usually determined by the person using it, not the parent.

dingledangle · 16/12/2009 11:20

As frustrating as it is for you it is her name, not yours and I am sure she will tell them herself when she was older.

I have had this with my name for all of my adult life and people spell my sons name wrong. The only person I corrected was when it was so drastically wrong. But a y or an ie is not that horrendous.

Do not waste you energy on this there are much bigger things to worry about. It sounds as if they are lovely and look after her. You cannot control everything and everything around you.

It is not worth upsetting them over this. But I think you are aware of that, and as you say in your post you think they perceive you as a little picky/anal anyway.

TBH I was like this when I had my DD and by the time she has gone to school and other children have arrived other more important issues have come along!

If this is there only crime go with it.........

skihorse · 16/12/2009 11:37

I agree with CuppaTea - my long name has numerous nicknames and various relatives use different variations. It's me, not my mum - can't remember my mum ever getting involved - although I remember her saying one of the nicknames was "common" - but really, does it matter?

SE13Mummy · 16/12/2009 12:12

I'd definitely mention it to the ILs along the lines of... "Emily's going by the name Milly at pre-school and they've asked us how we want them to spell it. We prefer it with a 'y' so are going with 'Milly'. Please would you try to write Milly with a 'y' from now on so Emily doesn't get mixed up. Thank you!".

Once you've explained they can be gently reminded when they mis-spell it but if you never point it out they may not actually realise that they're upsetting you.

My DD's name is abbreviated to an 'ie' ending but for her 5th birthday one of her great aunts wrote it with a 'y' ending. Cue one outraged 5 year old, "that's not my name, I have i-e... I'm going to have to write to Auntie X to tell her"....!

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 16/12/2009 12:15

They are probably confused why you named her Emily and then call her Milly. Not a huge difference.

Just ask her if she would mind spelling it with a y as that is how they are spelling it at playschool and you don't want to confuse things.

ruddynorah · 16/12/2009 12:23

why do you shorten emily to milly? why not just call her emily? or why didn't you name her milly in the first place? i don't get it. it's not like emily is such a big long name that shortening it is easier is it?

fwiw i have a big long complicated name which gets shortened to all kinds of variations by various people. my dad spells it differently from the way i do. it's no problem. it's just how he shortens it. i also have another variation for work. and another version that my gran uses.

i think you're making it into an issue when it isn't.

wishingchair · 16/12/2009 12:27

I have a Milly and so many spell it Millie. No big deal.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread