To speak to inlaws re how to spell DD's name?

[FimbleHobbs]

DD has a name which we shorten 90% of the time. The shortened version ends in y but could also be spelt ending in ie.

OK sod it. Easier to explain with real name - shes Emily. We shorten to Milly. Using a y because that matches Emily. ILs always spell it Millie even though I always put Milly when texting MIL or sending cards or whatever.

They are very generous with gifts and often get her named things - spelt Millie - but then you rarely see Milly things in shops. However the birthday cake they had iced for her said Millie and they have written it on her Christmas card.

They are really lovely, involved grandparents which is the most important thing and I really value them. They can be a bit misguided sometimes e.g. they genuinely think Fruit Shoots are healthy fruit drinks and they don't look into the details of things too much, I am sure they already think I'm a bit anal/control freak as it is.

I really don't want to make a fuss over nothing and can't think of a casual way to mention it to them, but DD is now 3 and starting to get interested in the letters in her name. At preschool she is Milly and so thats how she'll learn to write her name.

What would you do?

I'm surprised you let it last 3 years! It obviously matters to you, so tell them and get it sorted once and for all.

We named her Emily because I wanted her to have a 'proper' name for when she is running the country older. Nicknamed Milly because it suits her. Obviously she can choose her own spelling/variant when she is older but for now I have given her a spelling to start off with.

LuvLee, I suppose its gone on for 3 years precisely because it doesn't matter to me - its just now that she's learning about letters its occured to me it might confuse her. I think I will leave it for now and she will probably start correcting ILs herself if it matters to her as she learns. She is pretty bossy! (Can't think where she gets it from)

Her name is Emily. If they were spelling that incorrectly then you should speak to them. However, I would view Millie as simply a separate nickname to Milly. You have no control over what other people nickname your children. When she gets older she could be called 5 different things by different people and you can't just decide that her name is actually Milly.

They aren't actually spelling her name wrong, as Milly is not her name.

Like you say OP, it may confuse her, so why let it continue. I've an unusal name, and whilst I can (just about!) tolerate my name being mis-spelt by non-family members, there's no way I'd let family members get away with it. I know in your case it's a nickname, but it's a nickname that appears to be used quite often.

OP - you have my sympathy if no-one elses. My DD has a long name which is almost never used, but is there in case she wants it as an adult. We always call her by her shortened name which like your daughter's ends in a y rather than the more common ie. It is Madeleine to Maddy for what it's worth and Maddy is the common French spelling before anyone advises me I've spelt it incorrectly.

MIL and many others including school do annoy me by getting it wrong. Maddy is not just a random nickname, it is the name she goes by in life. She has many nicknames and pet names that I would not mind how people spelt - e.g. Moo (though not sure how you would actually misspell that) - but Maddy is more than that, as it sounds as if Milly is for you.

If you posted that you were thinking of Milly as a baby name, people would be advising you to put a proper name like Camilla, Millicent, Melissa, Emily etc on her birth certificate ready for her high court judge days.

I can't believe you are getting a hard time for wanting your child's day to day name to be spelt correctly and even being told it is not her name by people who don't know you or have the right to decide that for her or you!

For your specific dilemna it depends whether it is likely to have any effect. My MIL spells both my DSs names wrong some of the time, not with alternative accepted spellings, but purely because she is ignorant a terrible speller. Therefore no point engaging in any discussion with her!

Personally I can't stand the 'name' Milly but love Emily so would clearly use that! Milly is so babyish, I'd have her start nursery with a proper name IMO.

Emily is her name, that's what should be on a birthday cake surely? A nickname is just a nickname and can be spelled however you want. Agree Milly is very babyish, reminds me of the awful Milly Molly Mandy.
Thoroughly Modern Millie had ie, if you want her to be called Millie when she is older spelling it in a less babyish way may encourage that although I'd stick to Emily on cards etc and call her Millie/ Milly if you must shorten her name.

how impolite.

2rebecca. There is something about the Milly/Tilly type names that really make my skin crawl.

When I hear those names I imagine people using baby voices to say them and they sound so silly and childish like the name you'd give a doll! My SIL is Emily and I'm just texting her to say thanks for not forcing me to call her Millie and imagine her forever trapped in frilly pink and pigtales

It probably isn't worth speaking to them OP.

My ex inlaws still spell DD2s real name wrong after 9 years and I got fed up of telling them. She gets quite upset about it but wouldn't dare tell them herself yet. Hopefully in a few years time she may. We have had lots of variations on xmas cards this year too and I really dont' think Freya is that hard to spell!

Her older sister Libby (13) (not short for anything) has recently started spelling her name Libbie and even got it printed on a hoody and changed it on facebook! I have just ordered her an ipod engraved with Libby as I refuse to acknowledge the change so probably won't be very popular.

I'm quite gobsmacked at the replies slagging off my DDs name! I wasn't asking whether you liked it. I was asking if you would point out the correct spelling of her everyday name to ILs. I don't mind people saying IABU, thats why I've posted here, but I take offence at being told DDs name is babyish and makes your skin crawl. How katty rude!

But thanks for the replies to my actual question

We have this issue the other way round - DD is Mollie, not Molly - although it isn't grandparents who get it wrong. But plenty of people do - other relatives, some friends, clubs, etc.

Now DD is older, if she notices she will remind them, esp if she sees them actually writing the name at the time.

With some people, such as elderly relatives, I just let it go, not worth the fuss, and DD knows that in the scheme of things it isnt important.

With clubs, etc. I do remind them at times, depending on the situation at the time.

If it was grandparents, I would remind them - or get DD to remind them - perhaps in a jokey,light hearted way. Grandparents really should remember.

Ph - and we make sure that DD always writes her name correctly and legibly (now able) clearly showing the right spelling.

StrictlyKatty - and why shouldn't the OP's daughter have a childish name (although I for one disagree that it is anyway) - after all, the OP's DD is a child!

YANBU. Its annoying but not worth getting properly upset about.

All of my cousins, aunts uncles etc spell DS's name wrong because my mum told them it was spelt that way (before she asked me). Its not like its the usual way of spelling it either. She added a 'c' to it. I have never seen it spelt like that

It does pee me off but I cant be bothered to tell them all. Its not like they will find anything with his name on it to buy him anyway.

I am a bit curious as to why you would call your DD Milly if her name is Emily. Its not shorter or easier to say. I thought Milly was short of Matilda or Millicent.

Haven't read all posts but I'd ignore, it's only a nick name. I have a zachary who I call zach but I get zac, zak, zack. Whatevr, he will decide later on which he likes.

Milly is shorter than Emily - two syllables instead of three! OP has already explained she wanted her daughter to have a formal name for adult life, but chooses to call her Milly.

OP - I think your solution should be to get your DH as their son to explain to them the correct spelling of your DD's name. It's hard to tell whether they are under a genuine misapprehension, in which case they will presumably be mortified that they have gone on making the mistake for so long, or have their own views on how you should spell DD's name and are deliberately ignoring your choice - in which case I think that they are being unreasonable.

You might not be truly upset but I suspect once your DD learns to spell she will be at the very least irritated that her grandparents can't spell her name - I know my DD would refuse to have personalised things that had something different than her actual name on.

BTW I think Milly is a lovely name and a lovely contraction of Emily.

Well that told me.

I think your dd will tell them herself in another year or two. I know DS1 gets quite cross when people mispell his name! There are several ways of spelling it... but some people do it all the time,even after being told, which I think is a bit much!

Sorry, I really didn't mean to be rude to you. Am feeling sensitive on the OP's behalf due to some of the posts in this thread that would have really upset me if they were about my daughter's name. I'm not refering to your post as an upsetting one and I certainly don't want to cause any similar upset .

But Milly isn't her name, Emily is. Getting upset about the spelling of a name I can understand, but not a nickname which I think of as a verbal name not a written name.

The issue isn't about whether you agree with nn used as actual names or not. It is about whether GP should be told to spell it how the family would like it to be spelt.

I think they should be told gently that now she is learning her letters, the nursery think that her name should be spelt consistently 'Milly' by all involved.

People will always spell names wrong. My daughter is Ashly (funny spelling I know but very, very long surname) and wanted her forename to be spelt as short as possible. My full name has 32 letters (longer because of married surname) but even before I was married my name was still long - 10 letters in full forename.

My name is Jacqueline, called Jacqui (use the cq because that forms part of my real name) but I get cards addressed to Jacky, Jackie, Jacki, Jakki, Jacquie (my nan!).

My best friend (and my nan) address cards to my eldest daughter as Ashleigh, Ashley, Ashlie, etc, etc.

I have given up trying to correct them. The only trouble I find is that when you spell a name slightly differently from the norm, you cannot buy anything readily made with the correct spelling that is used.

Another story - my son, Daniel, when his younger sister was born, was in denial about her birth when he was asked on his return to school (his sister was born during half term) whether his mum (me) had had the baby - he always said 'no' although she was born on the Wednesday, 5 days before he returned to school. We changed the spelling of his name and renamed him from DAniEl to DEniAl.

my x fil sent a card to (not exact name) but supposing Juliet and Vivien, juliette and vivienne. it's as though he just prefers those spelligns. he's very odd. he knows how they are spelt.